that's my mofo

Excuse me, people of the earth, you need to back the F off. What's the big mother effin deal? There's nothing like cursing to pump up the mother effin spirit. It's not like you never heard the effin word before anyhow. Plus, that mother effer looked so cute when he was so mother effin angry. And we won. So put your effin t.v. on "mute" next game because we plan to effin win again. And if dropping a mother effin F-bomb is the only way we can do it, then do it we shall. So go get in line for the confessional now; you've been warned.

saboteurs!

In an unfortunate turn of events, BAB's family now refers to me as Uncle Julie. Far from being a term of endearment, it is used synonymously with "Dipshit." As in, "Thanks a lot, Uncle Julie. You ruined yet another family get-together."
little do they know that one day they'll enter their home with an ominous feeling and notice a pot boiling on the stove. and they'll look at eachother, like, "What the?" and fear will build in their cruel hearts as they inch closer to the foul smelling pot, and a child's cry will come from outdoors, warning them that their pet bunny is missing from its cage. and just as they lift the lid with trepidation - the doorbell will ring, and i will be on their front step with Mr. Cottontail, who i found down the road, and a festive wreath for the holidays. and then they'll feel really shitty.

oh pa.

today whilst i was training for the self-induced coma i will be entering after i am done student-teaching, my dad asked if i was cold and i mumbled "Yes." then that sweet man covered me with a blanket. and then i noticed it was the dog's blanket. you know, the one that the dog sleeps on.

reason 873 why she's my BFFL

a response to the email i emailed to BAB for her opinion on an email i emailed to a certain somebody:

"It's gooooood. Here's why: you're funny but not tooo funny and it's pretty chatty like you could have a good chat if you DID go hang out, you can kinda tell that you like him without it being like creepy. He better write back or I'm gonna stalk him and watch him undress at night and send him pictures of it and really really weird him out."


:)

dec. 8th

i miss these queerbaits.

chop chop

"Careful - there are scissors under there somewhere."
"Julie! This is a bed! People lay in this!"

How can you NOT like it?

It's just sugar and corn.

pleasant surprise

I really appreciate that Julie's mom didn't push me overboard when we were at the boat.

i'm not a vampire, ok?

"What do you think this is?"

"Well the card said blood sausage."

"Ew."

trying not to puke

it still haunts my dreams.

learning to fly, but i ain't got wings

OF COURSE it contains nut residue - this is America, not communist China.

people who are allergic to peanuts are annoying.

armageddon

did you hear? oprah will go off the air in 2011.

so the Mayan's were one year off.

Don't mess with Uncle Terry

For my aunt and uncle's 25th wedding anniversary my uncle got a bling pinky ring.

It's so good to know he's still the pimp I always thought he was.

i never understood brittany's fear and loathing of sled riding until she took me down Killer Hill. as i layed at the bottom, trying to figure out if i was alive or dead, it finally clicked. sled riding is not a good time. and then we both had to go and pee our pants. so there you have it.

come on people

it wouldn't have been a true Jonesie if there wasn't a

swinging-from-the-vines-with-the-monkies scene

pro (and con) life

the worst part about being 23 is that "I'm too young to raise a child" is no longer a valid excuse.



F.

Err-LIE in the mornin'

Herbology

Brittany's favorite course this term is herbology. What a nerd.

I prefer divination and muggle studies.

Those little bitty breaks aren't gonna stop you

Gosh, remember when you would go rollerblading and going down the gigantic hill seemed like a good idea at the top? But then as you were going about 70mph towards the bottom you thought to yourself "I better bail soon." So then you decided to go into the grass to slow yourself down, but the rollerblades just got all mucked up in the grass and you had to sort of run to not fall over. Then you thought "I hope I don't kick myself in the head." And you eventually did eat it while your sister peed her pants laughing. I can only hope such good times for my own children.

To BAB,

with love,
JAN

a year when the rocky mts. weren't so high

BAB and I have this steadfast rule that if a celebrity and/or loved one dies, we can't watch/listen to anything that they have created for an entire year. It's out of respect. And we're pretty serious about it. After the fall of H. Ledger, we couldn't watch A Knight's Tale until January of this year. John Denver's death was particularly hard. Imagine not listening to "John Denver and the Muppets" during the yule-tide season; it truly puts a damper on the spirit. As you well know, it's not Christmas until you hear a fourth round of "Christmas Is Coming."

The purpose for bringing this up is to say that my mom has been playing the Righteous Brothers' cd NONSTOP. The situation is uncouth because every time "Unchained Melody" repeats, it's all I can do to stop myself from running downstairs, popping in Ghost, and fastforwarding to the part where Patrick Swayze is half-naked, making art with his lady. Doesn't my mother understand? BAB and I have already accidentally watched Man of the House (talk about dishonoring the spirit of a fallen Charlie's Angel). We can't afford to bring further disgrace upon ourselves, Ma. If things don't change, I'll be watching "Road House" by Tuesday.

i sure hope shirley temple never dies because i don't think i could go a month without watching The Littlest Rebel.

look what i got!

i'm not depressed anymore!!

now i use this emoticon :)

instead of this :/

I don't need a safe word.

I've been told that any healthy grown-up can battle a black bear. So if you run into one in a dark alley fight, fight for your life.

But Grizzlies will just eat you so play dead.

s. hussein

isn't he just the cutest little fella?

did you just silently shake your head yes?

so, you think an evil dictator is cute, do ya?

terrorist.

"We should go to Casa Bonita. Have you ever seen that South Park?"

Just because you watch South Park, doesn't mean you know Colorado.

Those fools will never understand how terrifying Black Bart's cave is to a 9 year old.