She had a good run

At least I'd be able to tell people, "She died doing what she loved - crafting," when they came to Mam-ma's funeral after she rolled her cutter into the power cord of her cd player and was electrocuted.

Thank goodness for the plastic handle, Rose did not complete the circuit and is still alive.

Hybrid hero

A round of drinks for the ladies

I'll be the first to admit

this made me weepy

with pride & possibility,

shocking you & me 

BOTH!

But, I still wish when that

glass ceiling shattered,

Ol' HRC

would have been doing this:

Daddy Lessons

Be careful when listening to Beyoncé, because sometimes it is early in the morning and you are driving into work drinking a banana protein shake and you do not let your foot off the gas pedal and suddenly you are 90 mph.

Whipped lashes

If by chance

this is just a dream,

let me sleep

let me sleep

let me sleep.

- js

For our Tiniest but maybe biggest fan:

Power's out. F'n velociraptors.

Remember this part in Jurassic Park? And how when you are little, it seems like THE coolest because he just gets to eat buckets of ice cream at will! I wish I could still be so naive & not have to understand that the old man's blind human desire to usurp Nature & believe his own limited scope of the power-bound-in-creation has ultimately lead him to complete financial ruin, personal embarrassment, and his grandkids' innocent blood on his fancy cane.

Buuut, getting to eat all that ice cream still seems like a pri-tty rad consolation prize.

Strange historical comic

No exaggeration

These ladies LIVE to be told we're funny

One man's trash... is $200? Pfff.

Is there ANYBODY out there that is actually paying for used mattresses on Craigslist? I'd understand taking the freebies, but only for this:

"Those stains... can you tell me if it's

blood or mostly semen?"

Friday!

Buddies don't shake hands,

buddies gotta HUG.

Figure it out 

this weekend.

Happy Friday!!!

They stole my blood! And I forgot abouting fasting & ate a granola bar & drank a huge glass of chocolate milk as a treat-yo-self for jogging. Whoops.

"Your bloodsugar looks like

you are from Alabama...

are you?"

- Nurse

(interpretation by TJ)

"My garden geisha fell and look what happened!"

"Oh man, she million-dollar-babied

herself?"

- kevin

Friiiiied

Oh man, I am sure glad I

get to see this Squeaker

tomorrow.

(I believe the secret to

healing the sorrow 

in this world

is hiding somewhere 

in those curls.)

Have yourself a merry

little weekend.

Be kind. 

If that's too difficult

just stay home & watch E.T.

& get your head on straight.

"I'm pretty but tough. Like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown."

My mom finally watched Kimmy Schmidt! 

It's so much better than House Hunters International. 

A Tiny celebration

It was Tiny's birthday Monday! To celebrate, we of course competed in a Penta-wizard tournament, where the only rules are you drink if you land on a good spot and you drink if you land on a bad spot. We let her be Gryffindor, rightfully so. (Although, she maybe is secretly a house elf in disguise.) Either way, we gotta love her!

"Voldemort attack-"

"OhhHHH! THAT IS NOTANAME WE USE!"

 - tiny (in key of Dobby)

I have seen my future, and it is grim.

I die from a heart attack that is a direct result of trying to kill wolf spiders in the basement.


"They just were... so... scerry... so... fast... always pretending... they were gonna... stay put and just... let me squish them. Every... effing... tiiiiiiime."
- my pitiful last words, of which I will spend eternity regretting my non-commital use of the F-bomb.

Sigh no more

I hope your weekend

is very Bob Ross.

Our hearts are broken too much lately.

Butter boobs

Leave it to Teej

to take the most gloriously 

hideoder photos 

of jan & bab.

He knows how to 

make us shine!

Good Times Gluttons

Dilemma - 500 piece puzzles may be too easy but 1000 take 12 hours

 

In summation

"Daddy fuckedup."

- Beyoncé

(interpretation by Kevin)

Daddy said, "Shoot" and Mama said, "Darn"

We're believers!

Miss Beyonce's Lemonade was good and stressed us out! 

Then JAN and Kevin almost made me pee mah pants pretend waddling outside to let out stress toots.

Jokers

"Aw dang, you weren't here for my good joke at breakfast."
"What was it?"
"They were talking about Top Gun and I said Highway to the Danger Zone is a euphemism for gay bonin'."
"So, 'highway' is the buttcrack?"
"And 'danger zone' is the anus. Ezzactly!"

Lumpy Space Princess is the only Princess I've ever wanted to be. And let's face it, probably my most attainable.

Pat your marriage on the back

We hard-laughed at all the same parts

in Deadpool, so yeah, 

I'd say we are still doing all right.