come on people

it wouldn't have been a true Jonesie if there wasn't a

swinging-from-the-vines-with-the-monkies scene

pro (and con) life

the worst part about being 23 is that "I'm too young to raise a child" is no longer a valid excuse.



F.

Err-LIE in the mornin'

Herbology

Brittany's favorite course this term is herbology. What a nerd.

I prefer divination and muggle studies.

Those little bitty breaks aren't gonna stop you

Gosh, remember when you would go rollerblading and going down the gigantic hill seemed like a good idea at the top? But then as you were going about 70mph towards the bottom you thought to yourself "I better bail soon." So then you decided to go into the grass to slow yourself down, but the rollerblades just got all mucked up in the grass and you had to sort of run to not fall over. Then you thought "I hope I don't kick myself in the head." And you eventually did eat it while your sister peed her pants laughing. I can only hope such good times for my own children.

To BAB,

with love,
JAN

a year when the rocky mts. weren't so high

BAB and I have this steadfast rule that if a celebrity and/or loved one dies, we can't watch/listen to anything that they have created for an entire year. It's out of respect. And we're pretty serious about it. After the fall of H. Ledger, we couldn't watch A Knight's Tale until January of this year. John Denver's death was particularly hard. Imagine not listening to "John Denver and the Muppets" during the yule-tide season; it truly puts a damper on the spirit. As you well know, it's not Christmas until you hear a fourth round of "Christmas Is Coming."

The purpose for bringing this up is to say that my mom has been playing the Righteous Brothers' cd NONSTOP. The situation is uncouth because every time "Unchained Melody" repeats, it's all I can do to stop myself from running downstairs, popping in Ghost, and fastforwarding to the part where Patrick Swayze is half-naked, making art with his lady. Doesn't my mother understand? BAB and I have already accidentally watched Man of the House (talk about dishonoring the spirit of a fallen Charlie's Angel). We can't afford to bring further disgrace upon ourselves, Ma. If things don't change, I'll be watching "Road House" by Tuesday.

i sure hope shirley temple never dies because i don't think i could go a month without watching The Littlest Rebel.

look what i got!

i'm not depressed anymore!!

now i use this emoticon :)

instead of this :/

I don't need a safe word.

I've been told that any healthy grown-up can battle a black bear. So if you run into one in a dark alley fight, fight for your life.

But Grizzlies will just eat you so play dead.

s. hussein

isn't he just the cutest little fella?

did you just silently shake your head yes?

so, you think an evil dictator is cute, do ya?

terrorist.

"We should go to Casa Bonita. Have you ever seen that South Park?"

Just because you watch South Park, doesn't mean you know Colorado.

Those fools will never understand how terrifying Black Bart's cave is to a 9 year old.

a heart 2 sizes too small

last Christmastime, we watched Heidi. by the end of it, my dad, mom, and i were crying. i looked over at BAB, and nothing.

"BAB," i declared,"doth this not bring a tear to thine eey?"

"Oh, I think i fell asleep at the sad part."

.

"You mean you missed the part where Clara learns to walk again?!"

"No, I saw that part..."

[we glare at her].

Hopefully by this Christmas, instead of an icecube, she'll have a heart.

never too old for a piledrive

I'm rooting for the Phillies because they feel the same way about the elderly as I do.

So Lame

My #1 life regret as of right now:

I was chatting it up with some pals and one asked who would you most want to see in concert? My mouth said "Beach Boys."  Whilst I  dearly wanted to say Muppets in Toronto.  For shame.

and suddenly...they ain't your hoes no mo'e

In the words of E.T., "Ouuuuch."

be a donor

I always thought this movie was about a man who had a baboon-heart transplant. When I rewatched it, I was like, "When he get his monkey heart?" Apparently I was remembering something else. Like the Diary of Anne Frank.

thanks for the laughs

if there's anyone who is owed an apology by the balloon-boy family, it's this guy:
you know, the one who was sprinting gung-ho across a dirt field because he thought, "Dear God, there's a child in that balloon! I have to catch that balloon! I will save him! Eagle Powers - come to me!" but alas, he tripped and fell. and the empty balloon gently floated to the ground, much to his relief and embarrassment.

fangorn forest is, like, our favorite place on earth. middle, that is.

just another day in the life.

Speaking of Skywalker

When I was in elementary school we were the Lukas Elementary Skywalkers.
As in Lukas Skywalkers.

And that didn't really hit me until a couple of days ago.

Yes Sensei.

When I was reading Shogun on vacation, I got all into honor and their crazy customs.
Like daily bathing.




I did not imagine John Blackthorne would look so much like Luke Skywalker.

Thanks For Not Hiring Me

Well I sent thank you's to the people who decided someone else had a better face for research than me. But I emailed them, because I wasn't going to waste a stamp on no fool. It went a little something like this:

Dear Research Nerd,
I love all Biology life.

But I hate you.

Thank you,
Brittany

the first rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club

we used to have this really boring friend and whenever we'd hang out with this bore of a person, BAB and I would start fighting with eachother. it was weird. finally, we realized this person was SO boring that we'd been having to resort to fighting so that we'd have something to entertain us while suffering in the company of ol' boreface. and that's why we stopped hanging out with other people: it's bad for our relationship.

rookie mistake

Hey kids, let's learn a little life lesson from your dear Aunt Julie: don't ever choose the bathroom as your hiding place. People are bound to enter for a number of different reasons. Two, specifically. And you will either get stuck behind the shower curtain as your friend's dad finishes the crossword puzzle, if you know what i mean (and if you don't, ask BAB because it's really her story) OR in the case that the shower only provides clear glass doors, perfect for nothing you intend, you will have to step out from behind the door to face the humiliation as somebody inevitably says, "Let me just pee before I go." And in those few scary seconds as you see their shadow coming closer, you think to yourself, "How do I not scare them and how do I not look like a big dummy?" and the answer is that you can't avoid either situation, so you must simply confess, "Sorry. I was hiding in here" as they turn on the light. Then you hang your head and walk into the hall, only to encounter the person you were just hiding from because you didn't want him to see you're not a natural blonde, and he had just turned you down when you asked him to Homecoming right before dinner.

after they filmed this movie, Brad and Tom could never again look eachother in the eye

"Interview with a Vampire" sucks.

I Heart Hubble

If I were to be any kind of nerd, I would be a space nerd.

this little piggy suffered blunt trauma

One time in the apartment I sliced open my baby toe on the old, rusty floorboard heaters. It started bleeding profusely, so I hobbled over to my chair and called out for BAB. But she never came. As I was supergluing my toe back together, she strolled in and said, "What happened?!" I, with my bloody stump of a toe, recounted the events to her.

"Why didn't you call me to come help you?" she asked.
"I did. Four times."
Sometimes I catch BAB looking at my baby toe and I find extreme comfort in the belief that she's wallowing in anguished regret for having let me quietly bleed to death.

Learning the hard way.

Did you know that "free thinkers" are atheists? Me neither. Not until I went to the seminar and chilled with a bunch of them. And here I assumed "free thinkers" were just people who thought outside the box or discussed the many facets of an issue.

Here's a picture of a precious baby bear to help us all deal with this tense subject I just presented.

i'm glad the anglo saxons were so rich and murderous

I'm buying a metal detector and moving to England. Smell ya later.

tonight i dream of little debbies

look what BAB and I found in the back yard!

he was approved!!

i miss these a-wipes.

so so much.

I'm sorry about your hair.

"Did you leave your hairspray up here?"

"Yes! Think how bad my hair has been this week!"

And I thought about it...

oh god i'm so worried.

This would be the day

I was driving by Horsetooth today, a most windy and crappy weather day, and I thought to myself "This would be a day JAN and I would choose to canoe."

We'd be all "It's too windy to paddle back" "But we gotta before the tornado hits us" "My arms hurt"

shared experience

let's say it together, now: "Awwwwwwww."

last will and testament

In Case of Emergency

I encourage you all to be so prepared.

yes please.

i'm really glad i'm looking more

babe-ish, less queerbait these days.

i've come a long way since

Voyage of the Mimi.

tarheel

when you grow up on the east coast, you learn a lot of what some might consider to be worthless crap. like "don't fly a kite near powerlines" - a warning that played between every afternoon episode of Full House and made us fear being electrified by a kite. every school year some weirdos would bring in a snapping turtle that had been run over. the turtle would have a bunch of screws and wires in its shell, keeping it alive, i guess. and we'd get to pet it. that's right. they had it in a homemade wooden stock to prevent it from reaching back its long neck to snap us and they'd expertly explain how if that stock wasn't preventing it, the turtle would promptly turn and bite off my hand. and even though i was still sucking my thumb at that age, i remember thinking, "this is ridiculous."

back row, far left.

i was pretty into that one.

or so it seems from the extensive documentation

in my lisafrank diary.

who does depression hurt? Everyone!

me: "i'm going to take a shower. it's the one thing i have left to look forward to."

mama: "at least you have one thing."

as you can see, my mom and i are sad sad sad.

so we're thinking about buying this baby doll that looks like a real orangutan.

Sometimes I get depressed that Julie and I didn't get to grow up together. But then today we were going through my old toys, most of which she had too, and it's kinda like we DID grow up together! She had the Littlest Pet Shop store in purple, while mine was pink and she told me which dogs were good for Barbie. So we talk and laugh about how good toys were when we were little and then I can start to replace my old friends with her in my memories.

oh-whoa

down in mexico, my counsin was worrying about how he was going to smuggle back all his cuban cigars and i suggested he tape them to his baby's stomach, because, hey, who's going to frisk a baby? especially a baby that's packin' heat in the form of TNT.

Elf taught me a lot about life

I was able to enlighten my mom and nephew today thanks to the educational movie Elf.

"What's this animal?"

"Oh that's a narwhal, remember in Elf - 'thanks Mr. Narwhal.'"

Blank Stares

"Well it's a narwhal, just trust me."

the goblins

best friends forever. life.

why is she my bffl? oh, there's many reasons i suppose.
but mostly because the last time we had a sleepover,

i sleep-hugged her and we both woke up

and started laughing.

and this was one of my finer moments

I think i've figured out why i'll never, ever find a boyfriend:

My pickup lines. They suck.

As can be seen in this wonderful exchange:

"Hey Kyle!! I see you spilled something on your shirt!"

"What?"

"Your shirt... water? or something..."

"Oh. That's probably sweat. My back's probably all sweaty too."

"No kidding; it's hot outside. I hate myself."

check out all those little flowers on that flower!

My new favorite flower.



Bonus: it's considered a weed in parts of Southeast Asia, Southern Africa and Australia.

He went into the woods and shitted.

"I tried to spell 'shitted,' but they wouldn't accept it!"
"Those jerks."
"My dad even used it in a sentence."
"You know what makes me lol? 'Shitted.'"

23-17

it's nights like tonight that i miss fort collins dearly.

sweet dreams, dude. i'm proud to have called you Home.

hark, now hear the sailors cry

my sister's boyfriend

"dude, he's a babe."

"that hair and those eyes and his love for freedom."

"like an angel who doesn't bathe."

"it makes me want to watch Maverick."

"i want him to rescue me from prima nochte."

"he looks like Jeff."

"i was just going to say that."

"[pause] are we allowed to say that?"

"i don't know the rules."