they are mah pee jays.

dear Bab's Mom,

i'm sorry i have never apologized for looking the way i've looked

on most of the occasions you've had to see me.

it must have been very hard for you.

regretfully yours,

julie

"Hiss, you deliberately dodged."

These guys are funny.

"Which bottles should we choose?" We shouldn't be allowed to be doing this. "I know."

Don't leave us a note that says we have free range to your WINE CELLAR, with the exception of the far left shelves. Because we take advantage. Boy howdy. And then we come to when it's dark and the wolves are roaming. And we've forgotten to eat lunch or dinner.

i think you'll be OK here; they have a thin candy shell.

that's Prague, baby!

pride

"That was funny when Tourguide Brek apologized for putting the moves on you because he knows you're mah lady."
"But, remember how that Aussie girl was really weirded out at first before we told her we all were just joking about us being lesbos?"
"Yeah! Like, what if we were gay? It's not like we were being gross or annoying." 
"Yeah! We were just normal people. She'd have never even known we were lesbians if we hadn't told her."
"That bitch."

"Remember how everyone doubts our canoeing abilities?

They'll be sorry they ever laughed when we drown."

"Please just let her find one or two."

I know Easters already came and went, but.

When we were little, like I was 4 and LeeAnne was 11, we would dye 200 eggs because my grandparents owned a chicken farm.  And my parents would hide them all over the house.  And my sister would find every single egg and not give her smaller, slower, less intelligent sister a chance to even find the easy ones.  And this is why, to this day I don't understand how easter egg hunts work.

Good one, Mom.

"We're trying to do our taxes on time this year."

"Wha?!"

"Yeah I know.  We like to pretend we're too important to ever get them in on time."

see silly

"I'm just a worldly and complex type of guy."
"Dude. You ate a tunafish sandwich for dinner last night."
"You can't be sophisticated every night, JULIE."

when two ricky's make a wrong

Hey, thanks a lot, Parent Trap-starring-Lindsay-Lohan, for the worst snack invention of all time.

pants on fire.

Due to recent incidents involving people believing everything they see on this blog as a result of immacculate photoshop skills, I am pressed to resurrect an old photo that I have often worried no one ever took the time to examine.

Date: 5.21.08
Title: We Represent the Lollipop Guild

Original photo:

We're liars. And we can make a mean dwarfie face. So sue us.

i didn't anticipate that he'd scare me a little

"Hey, look! It's Jesus! He's in the band!"
"It's the second coming."
"I didn't know he played the drums!"
"I didn't think he'd wear flannel. And, holy smokes! He's drinking PBR; Just. Like. Us."

I scream.

It was only after BAB and I quit pounding on the kitchen table and chanting "We want ice cream! We want ice cream!" that we realized we weren't going to recieve it. Actually, we only truly realized after we then demanded, "Hey, where's our ice cream!?" and were told pointblank, "I'm not giving it to you if you ask that way." And suddenly we were 5 years old and shamefaced.

It was a much needed lesson. Thanks for nothing, Sesame Street.

Well, we made an entire town panic, we lost all our friends, and now we're going to juvenile hall for a week. Was it worth it?

Totally.

"I’d like to get there before dark."

"Lock the doors."

"I can see it!"

"The flourescent lights are beckoning us onward!"

"Can this place please be our new Tuesday Nights at Old C's?"

"I snuck in some rum."

"It’s a dream box; you can put your dreams in there."

"What will they do with this place if it ever shuts down?"
"They’ll have to burn it to the ground."

"I love your blog. I read it every day."

"You’re getting a caricature of yourself?!"
"I’m moving to Oklahoma. I need something to hang on the wall."
"Make sure you get his beautiful eyes."

"Anyone need a glowing sword?"
"I don’t need one. But I want one."

"You’re breaking rule #1! Wait, rule #1's No Running. No Profanity is rule #2."

"We’ll walk him to his car. It’s safer in numbers."
"I hope nobody stole my hubcaps."

"Why’s Jay turning up Colfax?"
"He really is going to get a hooker."

"You guys are gayer than us. Julie's never kissed me goodbye on the cheek."
"It wasn't my cheek. It was my neck."

"I feel like I need to take a shower."

"I'm so happy right now. We're at Casa Bonita!"

Reunion 4.11.10 The Beautiful House

On this day JAN said to me: Brittany, you can't say anything offensive!

Translate

Nuggets vs. Lakers TONOCHT!

Our favorite part of attending sporting events is getting to yell "Boooooo!" because we yell "Boooooobs!" and no one notices but us.  Then we laugh and laugh.

I guess my second favorite part is rooting for Taco Bell's "4 Tacos For A Dollar!" and having all the richy-rich people stare at us in astonishment, us just nodding along with them, and us all thinking the same thing: "These podunk lesbians shouldn't be on floor-level!"
We know, people, we know.

Please, no.

I only fear 2 things:
#1: Falling on the cement and breaking my teeth.

#2: Looking back at all my pictures when I'm older and thinking my sunglasses are super duper ugly.  

don't cut off the tags!!

you know what dudes DO NOT think is funny?

when you joke about moving your beanie baby collection into their place of dwelling.

not even a chuckle or nothin. just a cold stare.

Passive aggressive

The racquetball court is the perfect place to release any pent up anger you may be holding against your best friend or significant other. It's physically exhaustive, and when you yell things, such as, "I'm going to kill you. For real," boy, you wouldn't believe how well it echos, reverberating your words of hate ten-fold until it rattles in the chest of your foe.

That's closure!

Reason #775 Why she's my best friend

bab: "I'm a unicycle"
laughter by jan alone.
jan: "Did you guys hear that?! She said she's a unicycle."
everyone nods that they did hear.


thanks julie, for daring to laugh when others will not.

a tall tale.

hey bitches, we made some videos in europe. they're not great. get excited.

you better believe i'm not telling them i thought spooning was just like forking someone's yard

Dude. People get really ornery and start physically scoffing when you tell them you used to think Van Morrison was black. So heads up, world. He's a cracker. And according to wikipedia, he has always been so.

I know the olympics are over, but I forgot about this and it's just too good to forget about forever

Announcer for women's giant slalom:
"When I talked to her, she was excited and felt great. She told me the conditions here are ideal for her; she likes it bumpy, hard, and fast."
TJ: "Coincidentally, that is what she said."

128 fluid ounces

It's never a good idea to ask how many ounces your giant beer holds, especially when you plan on drinking 4 of them. Anyone know why? Yes, that's right. Because after you've downed 4 of the 25 oz. beers, instead of just saying, "Oh, I only had 4," you now have to acknowledge "I drank an amount of beer totaling just shy of a gallon."

And that ain't very ladylike.

Here's a view of what went on UNDERNEATH our jeans in the ex-commie countries.

in which we blow another typical moment-in-life situation with a joke and consequent laughter

"Lets see The Ring. It's pretty! And big!"
"Yeah. You should marry whoever gave that to you."

Oh look, a deli-meat.

You try eating this and not giggling uncontrollably into your mustard. Oh, the multitude of possibilities for making dirty jokes at mealtime.

I think we miss that most of all.

"That was redundant."

"Well, I don't even know what 'redundant' means... So now who's the stupid, idiot, moron?"

"Why are you two laughing so hard?"

"She was being [snort] redundant."

let's doublethink this wall thing

During our tour through the once Communist-loving-Beatles-hating Berlin, we heard a lot about the hardships of life before the wall came down.  Like people didn't have to work very much, education was really good, nobody was allowed to smile, and if I remember correctly, when games of Monopoly were played, all participants won. Talk about equality. And the whole time I was shaking my head in visible disapproval of government tyranny, I was thinking to myself, "Communism is my idea of what heaven is like."

"Here's a picture of another building I don't know the name of."

Going through photos with mom and dad.

Plague, anyone?

I got $5 for spotting the first wildlife in Berlin.   It was pretty cute, and pretty dead.

WE'RE BACK!!!

Get ready, world.  For some EXTREME blogging.

But first, we have to go into sleep comas and then write hate letters to JFK airport.

Just get ready.

auf wiedersehen, you uncultured swines.

tomorrow, we're going to Europe for 3 weeks. and neither of us have elected to pack a hairbrush.


it's gonna be a good trip.

so i'm told, so the story goes

skeleton anatomy

Recently, I was told that lugers are "lame wimps" and that people want to see "the real men who go down head-first." Yeah, whatever. Lugers go down bulge-first, which says to me, "Here I am, world. I double dare ya."

And as a viewer, I say to them, "Much appreciated."

The sport doesn't mean to mock the Aborigines, it means to mock every kind of culture through dance and ice.

You know the Olympics are good when Jeff Carson comments on ice dancing.  

"The American B-team was better than those Canadians."

no denying it

"Do you like summer or winter Olympics better?"

"Summer."

"Why?"

"More skin."

Shani Davis

The Obama of the Speed Skating World. 

vancouver: New York's neighbor to the North.

the best thing about the olympics is that everybody gets to share their Olympic same-sex crush. and it ain't weird because we're just admiring perfection. and how, as BAB put it, "every single one of these people is better than us."

that's amore!

To BAB, my almost-wife,

You complete me.  

happy v-day,

JAN

roman numerals can smoke my pole

Remember the superbowl?


Me neither.

It's true.

I never learned double-dutch.

and he saw that it was good.

Who knew 'Sleigh Bells' could be so moving?

"Remember how good that symphony was?"
"And how every song made us cry a little?"
"Yeah. And how drunk we were?"

For he's a jolly good fellow

Thanks, Jeff Berens, for having Subway sandwiches at your "I graduated a month ago" party.  We had just been day dreaming about a turkey sub on wheat with everything but onions.  You're too cool. Too cool for school.

I wish Bob Costas was my dad

there is nothing BAB and i love more than the olympics. NOTHING. this last summer, thanks to an obscure channel that came through digital tv, we were able to rewatch the entire '08 olympics. and we cried the whole time.

the winter olympics are swiftly approaching, so we strongly advise you to begin preparing for it in the American tradition, neh:

OHNO! IT'S APOLO FLAVOR-SAVER TIME.

grow for the gold, eh?
U! S! A!

$ + $ = :D

If you have money your job can be crafting.  Crafting and making Greeting Cards.

Did I ever tell you about the time I got SO fat, they had to use one of those cranes to get me out of the house?

generational gaps

"We need to find those things that go over shoes so we don't get foot-rot if it rains."

"They're called rubbers!"

"Mom, we can't just google that. There would just be a bunch of pictures of things we'll never need."

"Condoms."

"And we would try to put them over our shoes and we'd be like, 'Why are they so small?'"

"And, 'Why are they so slippery?'"

"You guys, stop."

"We can't."

"Ever."

our heaven on earth

We only do things if we're promised we can swim at the hot springs afterwards.

Climb that mountain? Never. Oh, we get to go to Glenwood after? Alright.

Go see giant ice sculptures? No way. Did you just say Glenwood? BAB's already waiting in the car.

Bury this body-shaped object for you? Sir, we don't even know you. You'll drive us to Glenwood after?! How deep do you want it?