Apples to oranges

Dear iPhone havers - There are still those of us who are stuck with such things as cell phones with pushable buttons. And there's limited everything on our phones. So, when you text us, what looks so adorable in quotation bubbles to you, comes in as 15 separate messages to us. Flooding our inbox. We just thought you should know.

Just in case

you've forgotten how cute she is:

Sheesh.

redemption

Fire.

When Bab's niece was a little too young, she saw Toy Story 3. And when we asked her if she liked the movie, she looked scared and said one word: "Fire." When I finally saw the movie I understood why she said that.
  
If you live in Colorado, you feel just like Woody and his gang in this scene. Send us some rainy wishes; we're literally on fire.

Mexico's got it right.

I know they have their problems, but lets ignore their ongoing drug-war genocide for a moment. One thing they're doing right down there is cereal - made of churros. Yeah, it's like Cinnamon Toast Crunch on crack. And lets be honest - there's probably a little crack mixed in with these things.

Good God, Lemon!

Some of the sweetest words a dude can tell you are: "I kind of have a crush on Tina Fey."
Because Tina Fey is doable. It's like, Tina Fey?...Hell yeah, I can do that! I can be that! She's goofy and has a wardrobe that consists mostly of plaid. To be honest, I kind of have a crush on her, too.

So thank you,Tina Fey, for creating a dream
that is somewhat attainable.

Unlike Scarlett Johanson, that impossible cooter.
We all can't just grow giant lips and boobs overnight.

Another Task

Forgot to add to agenda: get crapped on by bird when riding bike to library.

Today, I thrive.

Today's agenda

My stomach aches, so I guess I'll just keep fueling that worry and get more scared by researching possible causes on the www. Should be a good day.

96 degrees

It's too damn hot for a penguin to just be walkin' around.


So, if you need me, I'll be at the pool by my parents' house with all the other high schoolers. 

How could I NOT love BAB?

After telling her about a weird dream that ended up being awesome because the big surprise was that my grandma was there in the end! Eating dinner with us! And the second I said it was my grandma, BAB got tears in her eyes and told me "How great!" that was... I would have kissed her on the forehead if we weren't in the pool and trying to balance on noodles.

"He's so tan." "Jinx."

Poor news anchors. They say their names every time they start speaking to us, but no one is actually listening. When we see them in public, we know the face (mostly because it is unearthly tanned, and the hair poofage is inspirational) but if we had to give a name, we'd be Hellen Kellers. We were surprised to see this "Ed Greene" eating tacos (name learned after some research), but it was the same as that time we saw that "lady from the news" at IKEA. It's almost like bird watching; you don't know the species, and you don't really care to. They're just birds. Birds that sometimes tell you somebody got shot on Colfax.

"We should go ask him what's the news today."
"He'd be like, This just in - two lesbos are annoying me when I'm trying to eat tacos."
"Well, he's mean."

Shout out to the dads!!

Happy father's day to the greatest dad I know,
Michael Landon.

1 year of tap and 1 year of jazz

gives me the kind of dance experience to say, "That dance to Travis Tritt's It's a Great Day to Be Alive, was just too literal."
"How can you turn rice cooking in the microwave into a dance without it being literal?"  The dancer could very well reply.

It's like this outfit, I know the designer was thinking - Western Desert, only because they spelled it out for me.




Anyways, check out Tritt's song if you don't know it by heart. 

Finked

"I didn't work very hard at aquasize tonight, TJ."
"What? You didn't work hard AND you're having icecream?"
"Yeah, well, Brittany ate FOUR DONUTS TODAY!"

and that was the
end of that.

Thanks, BAB, for satiating your inner Homer J. Simpson!

For whom it may concern:

Things that are making me rather happy these days:

The radio loved the Carpenters, and the Carpenters hated food.

I would have guessed: Hunger games

My first inclination was to laugh at the adult male neighbors, when what originally looked to be tree trimming turned into "make a stick to stick fight with." But, my second inclination was to hop the fence and yell "fight! fight! fight!" It was slightly admirable, the fighting they were doing. Unexpected for sure. Mostly surprising that they didn't start making light saber noises. But, in the end, I just chuckled to mahself and stayed in the hammock.

Tincup

This weekend we went camping and I caught my first fish! The death of the worm was slightly traumatizing. But this little fella was a fighter and is, I'm pretty sure, a rare red shark. He swam back to freedom. I'm a catch and have-the-dude-pull-out-the-hook-releaser. I also caught and released Hooch's ear. Poor poor Hoochie - kept a far radius from me for a while after. That one scared the shit outta you and me both, buddy.

No Fair

Often when we're practicing cannonballs at the pool, we see some military folks who are doing their swimming exercises.  Wisely, Julie always calls the best looking ones for herself.  

But as it is, she has a b.f. who is often on these blog pages and I don't.  Give us a chance, lady! 

Mullet Lingo

After seeing quite the 'do on a man biking by my work, I thought about how I can never remember where the "party" and "business" ends are.  I think:  Party sounds like short hairs sticking up having a good time, but then you can swing your pony tail around at a party so maybe that's the back.

After inquiring on wikipedia, I now know the business is up front and the party is in back.  I'll likely remember this by knowing that they're in alphabetical order.

No one wore it quite like Uncle Jesse though.

One desire that's left in me

Two years ago, we went to the Edward Sharpe concert and were blown away when he asked people to sit on the grundy floor and they did it! Then they played "Man on Fire," and since then, I have wanted to hear the song again. I've repeatedly watched the only recording someone put on youtube. When the band came through Boulder accouple weeks ago, we went, mostly so I could hear and record this song to have for my very own listening pleasure at my leisure. What you will see in this video is the moment just after Alexander says, "We're going to play a new song called Man on Fire." Just after I screamed like the happiest bell uh dah ball:

Yeah. Bummer. Of course those hippies wouldn't play it. Well, now they have a new cd and this is the first track. It's not as upbeat/man-on-fire-ish as when they sing it live, but it'll do :)

Tramampoline

don't act like I'M the idiot.

At a recent human gathering, I brought up the Morgan Freeman Olympic commercials and my affinity for them. I mentioned how that very day, I had seen the first new commercial and it had already made me cry, typical. Because those commercials have soul. And then those fartasses were like, "Wha? Morgan Freeman? Olympics? Where are the hotdogs?"

Some people.

ps. I just saw an NBC blip with KERRI WALSH AND MISTY MAY! They're back, baby. And their plan is to make history.

JAWS

No one knows why this movie is rated PG. I guess kids back in the day were accustomed to boobs, savage deaths, and so much blood. Probably because of the wars.

Gym Class

"Teacher, my feet are sweaty!"

"Well kid, that's the title of my autobiography. Keep running."

Fairfield, Iowa

"Hey TJ, BAB and I are moving to Fairfield, Iowa."
"Why?"
"Because that place is all about meditation! The whole town does it twice a day. Just look at the meditation temple! They get these little beds... MMM... with pillows!... MMM... So peaceful..."
"Napping isn't meditating."

We are so transparent.

Only one more day of subbing left!

Maybe, then, I'll begin to see hilarity in the world again.

"I have but one claw, but beware!"

Good news:

Kids still think Batty is funny!

Baby Birds / Dinosaurs.

3 currently remain.  My mom nearly sawed them to bits, her guilt is limitless.

Y'arr.

A few weeks ago, when buying a mother's day cactus, we came across a one legged man who bragged all up and down to TJ about his own beautiful yard. After first insulting the purchases we were making (how was i supposed to know my mom wouldn't use gloves and get an infection from one of the spines?), he then made TJ smell his flower and so boldly extended the offer for TJ to come "work" in his "yard," any time.

Gayest pirate I've ever met.

He wanted TJ to shiver his timbers,

if you know what I'm sayin'.

Tight pants.

It's only Tuesday. Get your tight pants on, Kimosabe.

Last piece of Christmas, gone.

"Four is the perfect amount of people for making sushi."

Agreed.  

If there's more people, the bulk of the group leaves the dedicated few to roll-it-out and then have the gall to claim, "We made some good sushi."

Emails in which Robyn gets insulted and then insults me, perhaps without even noticing.

Sorry it's blurry, but if I make it larger you can only see half the screen which renders the shot ineffective.  

When Julie steals your camera, she takes a picture of

Hooch!

Banana strings make me gag

Even just looking at them.

Or typing about them.

Sharky's

Get to see my best friend tonight! $.50 tacos and enchilladas and tostadas!! It will be my third time there this week, second time today! And I've got a surprise for her. Hint: The Red Balloon.

71 days 13 minutes

Until the SUMMER OLYMPICS! Oh baby! Will Kerry Walsh and Misty May return with baby bjorn's? Will Usain truly be less cocky and break his own record? Will Michael Phelps' pants finally slip that last cm? Will the definition for a "woman" be more clearly specified (we're looking at you, softball)? Who will have the heartwrenching story that will make us root for them? Will China cheat? Just kidding; of course they will. It's all so exciting, I can hardly wait. I've charted my excitement level for each sport, nyah:

 As you can clearly see, I am most excited for swimming: 10 Bob Costas' and a Jesse Owen. But, I also love gymnastics, rowing, beach volleyball, and running. I might give weightlifting a higher score, but that will come when we get closer to the opening ceremony. And of course, my position on "Equestrian as an olympic sport" remains the same - it's not a sport because the HORSE is the real olympian. Give that horse the medal. I hope Brittany lets us watch opening ceremonies with her this year and that she doesn't hate us by the end of it! TJ knows, now, how much it means to us and he'll behave accordingly. Yay for the world!

Nap buster

One day during my lunch break/planning hour, I decided to go "read" (take a nap) in my car. I drove around till I found shade, then passed out in a bundle of blankets. An hour later, I woke up to a stern "Hello." and this:

He was understanding, but also, I felt, a little judgemental. I guess I was in permit parking only. All I saw was succulent shade. Subbing makes me tired, man!

Asshole neighborhood watch.

Yesterday

was this dude's birthday. The world is a better place with him in it. My world, especially.

The world makes sense when she explains it.

"If you have to hear them having sex, then they should be paying rent."

- sound advice from B.A.B.

Yogurt Covered Pretzels

They're awesome because even though they aren't good for you, their name lets you keep on pretending they are.

JA Jags

I'm at Bab and TJ's old stomping grounds, subbing for the ol' bball coach/social studies teacher. I appreciate that the stalls are not graffiti-proof. I also appreciate that they have a librarian who could have been Ms. America once upon a time. What I don't appreciate is the booby-trapped baby head that fell on me and bruised my collarbone when I pulled the screen down.
Death to tyrants!

I keep forgetting that JAN's seen Cold Mountain

So whenever I describe parts of the book that I like or hate, I always give a long back story to get her all caught up.   Then she has to reply "I think Renee Zellweger plays Ruby in the movie," to remind me that she knows the story (duh).

Sorry pal!  

Classic substitute Lesson today

: Show great white shark National Geographic VHS

And, it's pretty awesome because it has the kids disgusted and frightened. And I've learned a few highly valuable lessons about the great white's habits.

1) It likes to feed near the water's surface, so if you play dead on the bottom of the ocean, it might not try to eat you.

2) If it does latch on to you with a strong bite, it may just be trying to mate with you because, apparently, that's kind of their thing. Kinky!

He just thinks you're pretty, Ariel!

Russell

Remember him? The little boy who is a wilderness explorer and travels by house to South America to save the bird named Kevin? And, ultimately, wins the heart of a cranky old man? He's even cuter in real life.

Words of a retiring spanish teacher.

I'll miss crop-dusting the children.

- r.k.

Who is the guy with the bow and arrow?

"Cupid??"

Thanks, MangoRED Photography

Oooh lalalalalala.

Who knew boogie boarders didn't have to be

chubby 12 year olds?

Great food at a great price? Ehh...

We're glad Phil has finally agreed to read Harry Potter so that we don't have to continue holding that grudge. And now we can't wait to go to Casa Bonita with him because he's one of the few people who understands the true glory of that beautiful place.

"You go to Casa Bonita because 
it's hilarious and ironic."