I don't wanna know!

I can't take it if an Olympian wants to "Act, or maybe get into fashion."  It completely negates the fact that I've been calling them superhuman for the last 3 weeks.

I'm looking at you, dummy.

Business ethics.

I got a real job. In a real office. With a boss and everything! I have a nameplate outside my very own office. And a window with a view. Of the hall... BUT! if I lean waay back in my chair, I can see into another guy's office, through his window to the outside world!

I can't blog all day, like I could when I was subbing. In fact, I was a little worried they'd find this blog when they were still considering hiring me. But, as some dude so politely informed me - this blog isn't rebellious or controversial.

Well, excuuuuuse me for having parents who made me go to Sunday school!

Anyways, work is cool and all, especially getting to hang out with adults, not bratty kids... but I miss napping. so much.

What has this world come to, when JAN and I are going to hot springs separately?

Number One rule of Whistling Club is Don't.

Listening to the constant whistling of a person who is not just tone deaf, but very much normal-deaf is what torture sounds like.

I just can't watch this little girl cry anymore.

Olympics, where does London beat Beijing?

 No More Racer Suits!!

Baggage

"Ooh, it's finally warm enough that they can wear their swimsuits!"

"I think you're more excited about it than I am."
"It's a little weird. You know - since they have kids."

What happened to number plates?

Heh hee!

The speedo won't look as good.

Now that Michael Phelps is retired, there are those among us who are respectfully rooting for him to get fat. And although I agree the man should be allowed to cool his jets and be human, it seems such a shame to say goodbye to those abs. Where will we bounce all our quarters?

"I wanna see it - fat Michael Phelps!"

It's not stupid... it's funny.

"Why didn't you guys tell me that hat looked so stupid!?"
"Well, you liked it so much..."

Team JAN-BAB 10M Platform Synchronized Diving

Commentator #1:
What's interesting about this duo is that they're terrified of the event, but their synchronization is too good to quit.  They'll complete 3 full screams before the dive is finished, and watch how they grab their noses at exactly the same time. What makes this dive so difficult is their entry into the water - see how they enter butt first, cannonball style.

Commentator #2:
Every single dive is a risk to breaking those sits bones.  I love how when they come up for air, they're always so surprised at how long they were under, like they forgot to take a large enough breath.

Varsity Rules

ANYBODY can understand the volleyball rotation.  It's clockwise rotation.  The most natural rotation of all.  Jesus.  The first time she said that, she mentioned how the rotations they were doing were exactly like she remembered in HS.  NO CRAP.  THat's one of two rules of the stupid game.

So, it's cool when I oogle him.

"Is it like looking in a mirror?"

"Yeah. A mirror of potential."

Lift with your legs

If I was an olympic swimmer, I would go down in history as "the girl who couldn't lift herself out of the pool, ever." And I would have a team of people to drag me out of the pool after every race. And they'd get annoyed at my refusal to cooperate and how I would go very limp and disgrace my home country. And, I'd have an unsightly wedgie 100% of the time.

Training day

It is hard to eat an ice cream cone 
when you are laying down.

If I were a boxer

I'd be the huggy kind.

Too bad.

One disadvantage for the London Olympics is the chilly weather; it does fans no good by forcing players to wear more clothes.

I thought cats were bad for babies.

We watched a documentary titled Babies about babies. But the common thread among the families around the world was cats and dogs in every household.
Which leads me to believe that the directors found these by babies by recruiting on some sort of I love my cat website.

"Please let me take swim lessons, mom!"

The backstory for every male swimmer in the olympics is: "Well, I originally got into swimming because I thought the breast stroke was something very different."

Chumps.

It's here!

THE OPENING CEREMONY, TONIGHT!!!

Good luck topping Beijing, London. It'll be hard to compete with their totalitarian control and performance. Although I don't quite approve of such domination, it was awesome and brainwashed us all. I still remember the song they sang: "Beijing, Beijing, oh-ha Beijing."

Really, all London has to do is have Prince Harry strut around without a shirt. "I remember the 2012 olympics. It was so good looking."



Remember when the world went crazy and thought it would be a good idea to let Hitler host the olympics? Good one, world.


I hope we get lots of golds!
USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

Sword fighting

Kevin: "I'd like to see that movie."
The Buddies: "What?! No way."
"When I heard it wasn't just all stripping, I was intrigued."
"Yeah, but, there's a lot of stripping."
"But, there's a story to it."
"Yeah, there's a plot. It's long... and hard..."
[BAB and JAN start snorting laughter]
TJ: "All right, you two. Quit it."

Nothing worse

Than waking up because a fly keeps landing on your face. And then your ear. And then your cheek. 

Somebody should write a diddy about how bothersome flies are.  

Big letdown

Gingerbread poptarts do not taste like gingerbread.

"Cardboard" would be more befitting flavor description.

Carnies

We channeled our inner carnival folk  and it was delicious. And you know it because you can see through the plate upon which the funnel cake once resided.

The best part? We could have as much powdered sugar as BAB's frail arms could pound out!

Dance moves you can use! (if you can shake it.)

This right here is always good for a laugh.

The move is called the Cousin Itt.

Or more unseemly: Lieutenant Dan-ing.

Spectacle

One time we were at the beach, so we decided to skinny dip. It wasn't a big deal because the tropical storm with heavy rain had kept the beaches deserted all week. It also brought strong currents and waves that made us flounder a bit like wounded seals. But, we just laughed because we were in an ocean all by our naked selves.

And then one day, the sun came out and so did all the people. And we were like, "Wait... where did they come from?"

Outerspace is nuts.

The day you find out what a nebula is, is the day you say "Holy shit." and truly mean it.

Ancient History

Sometimes my mom and I laugh about how silly high school basketball was.  Then she asks if I wish I was on a very competitive older ladies team.



And we chuckle heartily a little more.

Extra Fancy Potato Chips

Another life lesson from your old pal JAN

Don't ask your nemesis to be a personal reference for you, because he'll agree. Oh, yes, he will most assuredly agree. And then you'll start freaking out; why did he agree so quickly? Has he so swiftly forgotten my impudence the last time we met? He says he'll say "nice things" (except about my oral hygiene, which I knew) but, nice to him is a headlock and armpit whiff. Will he again refer to me as a "Great uncle to the kids."?

And when you ask him to not refer to you as a man, he'll say "Well, which is it?... I need to be prepared for their questions." Then you'll threaten him with a nipple twist and he'll say, "Left or right?... I need to be prepared." And that's when you regret ever giving the nemesis your kryptonite.

Sonic milk shake

I had whipped cream on my face the other day.

I looked adorable.

                                                                                         - B.A.B.

Show him you the flyest

Spent the morning watching Beyonce music videos. I'm ready to conquer ALL.

i4c JAN and BAB as stand-up comics

JAN and I went to a swanky affair this weekend where companies competed for money Shark Tank-style.  We guessed drinks were free when literally everyone was carrying around an adult beverage while we jealously sat with dry mouth for an entire hour too scared to ask.

A few times the event MC got pretty boring, JAN decided we should get up on that stage and do our routine.  But we don't technically have a routine.  It'd most likely be our blog posts spoken out-loud, maybe with a Barry Gibbs Talk Show moment or two squeezed in there.


(JAN's favorite shark was the Opposite-of-White one.)

Is it B.Y.O.G.P.?

I want to be a part of this club more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life.

Jezebels

This picture makes me guffaw when I think about this being me and BAB back in the olden days. And how we'd still be having the same conversations we do today.

"Can you believe this shit? We have to wash all this crap by hand? If they think we're turning their socks right-side-out, they're high as a kite."
"And what was up that lady's butt at church today? We get it, you're prettier than us. Leave us alone. You're singing out of key and God doesn't like that."
"We're not tramps, but excuse us if we like to show our ankles sometimes; those puppies need to breathe. It's not a crime."
"Want to go eat some churned butter?"
"Yeah. Yeah I do."

Thinking about streaking

They all chickened out.

My worst fears

of my boyfriend's grandma having my phone number came true last night. When she called to tell me that the pregnant cousin (I've never met) went in for checkup appointment and hasn't even begun to soften!

Yeah. well, if I have to hear about it, so do you!

It was funny to get to tell the dude about his cousin's lady business.

What have I done?

I was just trying to change the template to let pictures be bigger... and now it's gone. All gone. Nothing said "Shitty Blog" like our old setup.

Please be with us through this darkest hour. Hopefully, I'll be able to make something equally as shitty. Maybe more so, if we're lucky.

The day that no one oogled us. Even when we asked them to.

"I saw your girls' photoshoot on my camera."
"Son of a bitch."

I must see The Pirates! Band of Misfits first.

I love telling Julie that I'm probably going to go see Magic Mike, because she always forgets what movie it is.  I remind her, "You know, the dude stripper movie."

Every time she replies, "Oh gross."

Olympics on Youtube

JAN told me about how Mary Lou Retton received the necessary score of perfect on the vault to become the first American woman to win gold in the gymnastics all-around.  You'll see a picture of Mary Lou below.  Naturally, she started to cry.

Being that I didn't watch the clips, you would think that I would be immune to tears whilst relaying the story to my mom.
You'd be wrong

London 2012, I can't wait to let the tears flow!

The only people who say this are us and Cookie Monster.

"We shouldn't have eaten so many cookies for breakfast."

Dad:

"I'll never get Facebook...I'm a Myspace kind of guy."  *smirk*

LOTR

We began the trilogy Friday night during a rainstorm.  Lightning flashed at every. scary. part.  If we only watch le movies when it storms we'll be done by 2020.

One "L"

Like every other woman of my generation, I'm naming my daughter Bella. And when she grows up and meets all the other likenamed girls, they'll ask, "So your mother was a big fan of Twilight, too?" And my kid can proudly say, "No; Karolyi."

Happy 4th of July!

Most of us are missing out on fireworks because the state is burning down, but there's still fun to be had!

Here's to singing My Country Tis of Thee  out of key with your best friend and being told you both belong in Hufflepuff!

HB, America.

I'm calling your Rabbi

Last night at the bowling alley, I was surprised to see the orthodox Jewish boy throw a gutterball and rip off his yamaka in anger. Is that allowed? To remove the hand of God in a bowling alley?