Gibbler, always good for a laugh.

I couldn't tell you the last time I fell asleep on the couch watching Full House. Oh wait, yes I can - last night shortly before 8pm.

aka dried plums

"The hardest part about eating prunes at work is not letting people see you're eating prunes."

                  - JAN

Sharing a bed

"Ones hard - but two's impossible."
"THAT's what she said."
"I can't believe you just said that to your mom."

Some may say that I deserved it.

After a total of 1.5 snow days this week, my car wouldn't move on the sheet of ice that was the street this morning.  So I put on my walkin' boots and trekked to work.

This picture was taken mid-slipping-on-the-ice

this is a would-be sidewalk 

i walked so much, that i've had the toots all night

Where's spring, man?

The worst is wiping snow off your car directly into your boots.

Life as I know it.

One day we were hiking to the left of that plateau, and I slipped and fell right in front of a tiny Asian family.

One day, I will write an autobiography, and that moment will probably be Ch. 11 - Eggroll.

Mittens

"Jon Stewart was ragging on him because he said he plays in the "open space areas" with his grandkids. Couldn't say "parks" like a normal human being."
"Well, he would have said "country club," but he was strongly advised not to."

Scerrrd

Is how I felt when a letter from the IRS showed up.  

turns out they had just gotten the amendment i sent in, whew!

The Great Set-Up

My co-worker so sweetly bought some Reese's Eggs for me for Easter.  She's on a diet, so she stayed out of the mayhem.

On Tuesday she said, "You didn't eat as many Reese's as you did yesterday!" 

Friday I was told, "You did a really good job of making those last until the end of the week."

The next week our boss was victim, "I knew Dan liked Reese's but I didn't know he liked them that much.  He ate quite a few!"  

the cause of all my delicious pain

We all have a hero in our hearts

Don't mess with BAB in the arcade. She is really really good at those games. Her PacMan skillz were mad crazy, y'all. Nobody wanted to follow her high scores (and when I did and couldn't get gd Pacman down to the dots, she yelled at me "Turn that corner, dammit!") Me? I sucked. I wasn't even good at putting in the quarters. I was genuinely surprised at how b.a. BAB was and asked her to explain herself. "I spent a lot of time at the arcade with my mom when I was little." Oh you did, did you? And did you also suffer some terrible trauma or disaster that must be avenged? It's like she's been some secret superhero all this time. If you have to battle pixelated aliens, you want her on your team. When I told my mom she should have taken me to the arcade once in a while because I'm an embarrassment to the name of  Centipede, she just looked at me and said, "I'm sooooo sorry." Whatever, mom.

TJ did get high score on Qbert,

but that's only because nobody plays that game.

The rewards of Easter Sunday at Red Rocks

Cinnamon rolls when you get home, seeing doves fly in formation, the respect of one John N.

Beanbag tossing

"I had to explain to him what Cornhole was. He thought it sounded like something dirty!"
"Well, he's from Nebraska. That's what they call it over there."

Floating Heads

Reason #4992 why JAN is my bffl:
She let me get two kinds of beer for my birthday celebration.

Lochte Ness Monster

"I'd like him to keep his mouth shut

and his clothes off."

                             - BAB

You don't know if it's me or BAB writing this!

Today, my shower toot smelled just like Oscar the Grouch.

You'll find someone someday

"It's like they're saying 'Don't worry, somebody will stoop to marry you eventually' to you."

Exactly.  So don't say it peeps.

A terrible way to spend my time.

My new biggest fear is bed sores.  They can open to the bone and you have to pack them with gauze.

I get to thinking about how much I sit at work and wonder if it's possible to get them when you're not bed-ridden.

Then Modest Mouse is Chucky Cheese

"Kevin said that Mumford&Sons is like the Country Bear Jamboree! Turd."
"Hm... I've never heard of them."
"What? Yes you have."
"I don't think I have their CD... Country Bear Jamboree?"
"No - it's not a band! It's that dumb show at Disney World!"

Bare necessities

I'll let you guys figure this one out.

Bodyguarding

"What award is she winning?"

"An Oscar."

"I thought she was a singer."

"She's a singer AND an actor Just like. In. Real. Life!"

I finished a giant size can of nasal saline spray.  Lord help me.

Was it extra broccoli?

"Everybody remembers that one year in high school when they had really great poops.  Who knows how that happened?"

                - JAN

Spotlight

The zumba instructor tonight was so impressed with my moves that she shouted out and asked, "Julie! Were you a dancer?!" And I shook my head and messed up my foot work.

I didn't want to brag in front of everyone, but yeah, I was a dancer. A hell of a dancer. Tap. For about 1.5 months - just long enough to get my chubby mitts on some of those sweet sequined costumes.

I gotta say - I'm flattered she thought I was good enough to have once been a dancer - who has since had 3 kids and let herself go. Thanks for the ego boost!

Cracker carnage

There was some sort of great animal massacre going on at the bottom of the bag I keep in my desk at work. I never knew! So many unattached hooves.

Robyn and I could only say, "Wha?!?!"

To a friend's tale of, "I've only been roofied twice."

Even I can't believe

I have a white girl crush on Pitbull.

Pope Jan

A guy at work told me he was sorry I didn't get picked by the Cardinals and for a brilliant/terrifying moment, I thought Oh shiz, he reads the blog.

But then I realized he probably knows me well enough to know I'm the type of broad that would talk about being a good pope.

Oh well, I accept the defeat. I didn't know I was competing with a bonafide saint!
Hi, Pope Francis!

Loci

Look, Egypt, you know things aren't so hot in your country when a plague of locust is not the worst thing that's been happening.

 

 You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Co-worker

This little guy was just hanging out on my shirt, acting like a piece of lint. I let him outside and said, "Don't you ever come back, if you know what's good for you."

The directions: When using 4 by 5 block use B holes.

 100% of the time I giggle to myself and say, "B-holes"

The flash on my phone is TOO bright!

 It took a lot of guts to put these pictures up.

That one guy who wasn't as good as Jordan

Hey Korea! Jokes on you! He's your problem now. 





Suckaaaaaas.

She's the queen

Yep, the last few years have brought big changes, and I'm sure the next few hold the same fate. But I'll tell you one thing that has stayed the same: we have to see each other at least once a week or else the world starts tilting a little too far and our motivation to floss slips away. And, yeah, we've had to fight to stay together this long, but that's what you do when something is so important to you - fight for it and protect it and send a daily email to tell it how you can't quit crying as you're rereading H.P.

Happy Birthday, BAB

I love being your best friend.

Forever. Life.

The saddest thing I ever read

"When did Bobby get so chunky?"

"When he lost 5 pounds from being fat."

Different Strokes

Sure, I "oooh"ed - as was my feminine duty - over the jewel-encrusted Valentine's bracelet that my coworker donned. And sure, she said "cute" when I told her I got a tray of ikea cinnamon rolls. But you know we both walked away thinking "Poor chump!"

Video game lovers.

Don't try to converse during cow-frogger.

Chili rellenos

that my mom doesn't remember adding bacon to.

Thoughts of a 3rd grader whose nano baby has been banned from school.

"I gotta feed my baby.  She's probably shitting all over the place!"

Stand up Richard Pryor

Man, the people in the audience think he's a riot, but I'm being honest when I say I can not understand a single word. Are they really picking up what he's laying down? I can only image they're laughing so hard so often because he has lit a little piece of himself on fire again.

Thanks JAN

for chatting on the phone with me tonight so that I "couldn't" do homework

That little girl sure loves boobs.

Half-warm

I woke up with one sock on this morning.

Channel your Magic Eye skills to see the frozen fish Sugar tried to eat on the shores of Lake Michigan

sucker

The worst would be having to call the IT department to say,
     
      "I clicked You Gotta See This! on that forward.  Please come fix my computer."

Little Indians

It was difficult to shovel in our naan, masala, and paneer while simultaneously complaining about how small and conductive the serving bowls were. We had to remember to swallow, "MMmmm", then complain. Also annoying was the man with the sitar. But, they taught us our lesson when he finished and they put in cassette side B "Jazz Flutes Forever."

You wouldn't know it from the above paragraph, but we (three) had a good time hanging out last night and of course had leftovers even though "how tiny are these bowls?"