I'm sorry about your hair.

"Did you leave your hairspray up here?"

"Yes! Think how bad my hair has been this week!"

And I thought about it...

oh god i'm so worried.

This would be the day

I was driving by Horsetooth today, a most windy and crappy weather day, and I thought to myself "This would be a day JAN and I would choose to canoe."

We'd be all "It's too windy to paddle back" "But we gotta before the tornado hits us" "My arms hurt"

shared experience

let's say it together, now: "Awwwwwwww."

last will and testament

In Case of Emergency

I encourage you all to be so prepared.

yes please.

i'm really glad i'm looking more

babe-ish, less queerbait these days.

i've come a long way since

Voyage of the Mimi.

tarheel

when you grow up on the east coast, you learn a lot of what some might consider to be worthless crap. like "don't fly a kite near powerlines" - a warning that played between every afternoon episode of Full House and made us fear being electrified by a kite. every school year some weirdos would bring in a snapping turtle that had been run over. the turtle would have a bunch of screws and wires in its shell, keeping it alive, i guess. and we'd get to pet it. that's right. they had it in a homemade wooden stock to prevent it from reaching back its long neck to snap us and they'd expertly explain how if that stock wasn't preventing it, the turtle would promptly turn and bite off my hand. and even though i was still sucking my thumb at that age, i remember thinking, "this is ridiculous."

back row, far left.

i was pretty into that one.

or so it seems from the extensive documentation

in my lisafrank diary.

who does depression hurt? Everyone!

me: "i'm going to take a shower. it's the one thing i have left to look forward to."

mama: "at least you have one thing."

as you can see, my mom and i are sad sad sad.

so we're thinking about buying this baby doll that looks like a real orangutan.

Sometimes I get depressed that Julie and I didn't get to grow up together. But then today we were going through my old toys, most of which she had too, and it's kinda like we DID grow up together! She had the Littlest Pet Shop store in purple, while mine was pink and she told me which dogs were good for Barbie. So we talk and laugh about how good toys were when we were little and then I can start to replace my old friends with her in my memories.

oh-whoa

down in mexico, my counsin was worrying about how he was going to smuggle back all his cuban cigars and i suggested he tape them to his baby's stomach, because, hey, who's going to frisk a baby? especially a baby that's packin' heat in the form of TNT.

Elf taught me a lot about life

I was able to enlighten my mom and nephew today thanks to the educational movie Elf.

"What's this animal?"

"Oh that's a narwhal, remember in Elf - 'thanks Mr. Narwhal.'"

Blank Stares

"Well it's a narwhal, just trust me."

the goblins

best friends forever. life.

why is she my bffl? oh, there's many reasons i suppose.
but mostly because the last time we had a sleepover,

i sleep-hugged her and we both woke up

and started laughing.

and this was one of my finer moments

I think i've figured out why i'll never, ever find a boyfriend:

My pickup lines. They suck.

As can be seen in this wonderful exchange:

"Hey Kyle!! I see you spilled something on your shirt!"

"What?"

"Your shirt... water? or something..."

"Oh. That's probably sweat. My back's probably all sweaty too."

"No kidding; it's hot outside. I hate myself."

check out all those little flowers on that flower!

My new favorite flower.



Bonus: it's considered a weed in parts of Southeast Asia, Southern Africa and Australia.

He went into the woods and shitted.

"I tried to spell 'shitted,' but they wouldn't accept it!"
"Those jerks."
"My dad even used it in a sentence."
"You know what makes me lol? 'Shitted.'"

23-17

it's nights like tonight that i miss fort collins dearly.

sweet dreams, dude. i'm proud to have called you Home.

hark, now hear the sailors cry

my sister's boyfriend

"dude, he's a babe."

"that hair and those eyes and his love for freedom."

"like an angel who doesn't bathe."

"it makes me want to watch Maverick."

"i want him to rescue me from prima nochte."

"he looks like Jeff."

"i was just going to say that."

"[pause] are we allowed to say that?"

"i don't know the rules."

Heir of Slytherin?

JAN: Then I turned around and the snake was literally in the air. I'm a parslemouth.
BAB: But will you use it for good or evil?
JAN: I don't know Brittany, I just don't know.

to defrost a pea or not to defrost a pea

do you feel bad when you don't scroll down and feed the fish a few times? i do. Sometimes i even whisper words of encouragement to them, like, "If you ever doubt, just remember, not everyone was a fan of Abe Lincoln during his day."

then i remember my real fish i have waiting to be fed and they're all the way downstairs. and i'm like, "F." and then maybe they get fed and maybe they don't.

no shit.

wait wait wait. all these years of wondering and you're telling

me i was supposed to let the evil Dr. Robotnik HELP me?

mind bottling.

game gear would have been way more fun if i'd known how to pass level 3.

"yeah, he lost 'em good!"

i call green mallet

sure this game is fun.

for like 0.2 seconds.

Check out the goober up front that's trying to model for the picture.  I can tell you he's not wearing a speedo because Glenwood is a family place where we ask for a little courtesy.

Nice Sideburns

The hardest part of graduating from college was trying to not look super lame in the cap.  

Impossible!

Are you there Julie? It's me, Brittany.

I think she' been avoiding me this weekend.  Answer your phone JAN!

but not you, mark wahlberg. you're pretty badass.

10 bucks says right after this Mark Wahlberg shot that dog.

and insulted its mother.

sticking with you

Friday Thank You's

Every Friday I sit down and write my weekly thank you notes, wait no, that's Jimmy Fallon.  ANYways

Thank you, Dad, for being cranky tonight, the night I decided to ditch Julie and stay home and eat the tasty turkey dinner mom made.  I liked the part when I came to talk to you and you had a scowl on your face.   So thanks for making me think to myself "I shoulda gone to Julie's."

Brittany

betrothed

we used to play this game when we were little called,
"In the 10th car we pass is the man you're going to marry."
i guess i should explain.
basically, when it was your turn, you'd sit there while everyone else slowly counted every car we passed and in the 10th car was the unsuspecting man you were going to marry. and you'd look over and giggle and we'd voice our appraisals.
and then it would be my turn.
and i'd look over to find this waiting for me:

and i would mutter to myself, "Aw, nuts."

tiny dancer

"I wish this was called tickle me pink" "Instead of tickled pink?" "Yes"

JAN and I agree that martinis look more impressive when they come in the tall glasses. Also, if ours had been in the tall glasses, Julie would have definitely knocked hers onto the floor, creating an awkward situation which we would get to laugh about later.

two scoops, please

One time B & I were playing Scattergories and it was "Things found in a Desert."
B wrote "plums" and I wrote "pecans."

the woes of me

remember how you always ended your bedtime prayers with, "And please God, don't let them put me in the Boo-Box. Please please please please please, Amen."

you know what i was just thinking to myself?

I was thinking, I bet the real Laura Ingalls didn't have an overbite.

And it looks like I am correct.

(Note to Julie: Thank you for posting that picture of Almanzo, "The Babe," Wilder, thus inspiring me to re-read the series, thus inspiring me to think about the real Laura Ingalls and how I think she was probably super adorable with no overbite, and thus encouraging me to talk to my dad about how I'm reading the books and him confessing that HE had read them all when he was younger.  Thank You.)

Would we be even funnier if we were Canadians?  You betcha.

recruiting commies

knew i had found a best friend the day she asked me if i ever had to watch that silent film where the kids are chasing a red balloon & when i said indeed i had in 4th grade, she leaned in & whispered, "what the hell was that all about?"

text. text text.

"i wish i would have worn a bra so i could take off my coat."

"i was just thinking to myself, 'i miss that bra-less ho.'"

"you wouldn't believe how hot it is in here. it's like really really hot."

"hot enough to take your coat off?"

"no. but i DID unzip."

That's Miss N. to You, ya little bastards!

Yep, she's a teacher now.

pay attention

welcome to the PEN15 club

in 10th grade spanish, i witnessed a miracle. my friend (hi amanda!) and i were somehow able to balance 7 pens on top of eachother. SEVEN PENS. and then one day a tiny fairy appeared and asked which way to neverland and we were like, "Second star to the right and straight on till morning, dummy." it was also in this class that my teacher heard me say something along the lines of being in her class was equivalent to being in the fiery pits of hell and she made me stay after and clean her room. some people are so sensitive when it comes to analogies.

melodrama to the tune of enya

You know what's not as cool as living with your best friend?

Living with your parents.

Ah nuts.

Speaking of The Parenthood

If Julie hadn't said anything I would've never EVER suspected.

 and

 

SAME GUY!!!!!

You know why Steve Martin doesn't age?

Because he's a vampire.  

Here's Steve circa 1989 starring in Parenthood, one of the most relevant movies of the decade which also produced a number of tunes about diarrhea that we still sing today.

And here's our main man in 2003 starring in Bringing Down the House, a movie you only need to see once because it gets worse and worse each time you watch it.

Almost 15 years later and still no difference. Fishy.

family taco night

tonight was taco night and i got scolded because i put some of my excess cheese back into the communal cheese bowl. like we all hadn't just stuck our grubby mitts in there anyways.

BAB would have NEVER been mad at such an act. in fact, she probably would have said, "whoa buddy! let's kill the middle man." and opened her mouth.

i miss her.

the smell of hate

If I ever handwrite some hatemail, I'll definitely use Mr. Sketch's Scented black marker. Not only will the words be bitter, but the stench of anise will give an extra punch of meaness. Which pleases me.

i'm glad to be with you, samwise gamgee.