Road trip experiences

"If there's anything  people want it's to have their car washed by bunch of aggressive 8th grade boys."

- Brent

thinkings

My squirrel is not faring well.

Baby is so Beyoncé right now

Summah

Do you remember how sometimes it stay warm & shiney until like 9pm & all the trees are covered in green & the geese are done pooping on everything?

What's that called again?

Now I get why someone knew that a show about an office would be so silly.

This fountain is supposed to help us all chillax and help buffer noise, however the office is turning into more of a Chinese restaurant than a law firm.

But we DO support receiving a wonton or eggroll complimentary with a Will.

Banned for life

"So you think Dad will ever let you get a Christmas tree for him again?"

No way, dude did not love the Charlie Brown.

Cultured swine

More like Blah Blah Land.

Gene Kelley and Debbie Reynolds would have NEVER approved of this one-melodied tapa tapa.

Easier than a wall

Just make soccer illegal, Donald.

FLOTUS

... more like FLILF,
amiright America?

Johnboy

I love this man.

And not just because 

he bought me icedream.

Although, that didn't hurt.

Hoochie

Gurl was not as cute

standing by my bedside

at 1:30 this morning.

I should have suspected 

something was up

when she couldn't get enough

bedtime noogies.

Why doesn't she wake TJ up
for the exciting sprint to the backdoor?

100% Cotton. Yo mama picked it.

What the heck are these

soft little things?

I don't know but I feel

a strong compulsion to

collect all of them.

Trump that

Sometimes the country you live in

goes a little batshit insane

& you feel depressed &

like you just burp-vomitted...

but then your baby waves at you

from inside the womb

while

keeping its back to you like 

a chill little mofo

& you remember 

life is good. Real good.

Later, Tater

I dreamed last night Ol'Bama was on the phone and I had one last tater-tot on my plate. I held it up, waggled it between two fingers, pointed to the tot then to him then back to the tot. He smiled, catching my drift.

Siiiiigh.

Barry, the world is gonna miss you.

What dat bebé gonna look like?

I hope if I get cravings

it's for something cheap,

like used dryer sheets.

JAN practicing to be a mom.

Making ham sandwiches for 6 people.

She's going to be so great!

Find the drunky

Believe it or not, this night

ended a little rough for poor Beebs.

I feel guilty only because I was DD &

let her fly as high as she felt she could go.

In the end,

the evidence of our combined failures

was eaten by a dog.

The best stockings

One of a kind &

they hang above my fireplace &

I am always so sad when 

I have to take them down

in February.

Kaiser

Sorry folks, but I must always be in the safest seat in the car, most fire-escapable spot in the room, eat the freshest food in the fridge, and ride only the most maintained of rollercoasters because I'm on the bronze plan.

That's a $5,500 deductible and absolutely no name-brand drugs.

The Shallows

"This movie took a whole day to film."

The Last Unicorn

I cried infront of my boss yesterday.

Right as he was telling me he was  pleased with how I handled a situation with a crazy coworker. "I am proud how you composed your thoughts & argument. Three years ago you would have been in my office crying."

Whelp! At least I wiped my snot on my own sleeve.

December 1

Fear not, for behold! I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

It's Christmastime & I can barely

contain my excitement, oh em gee!!

Oh, Mittens, how could you? And for what, a plate of scallops?

That's the face every woman knows well... the face you make after you've allowed a man to put a dick in your mouth for the first time.

Nice, Mitt. Get used to ashamedly crawling under tables while your food gets cold.

A hole.

TJ: I saw this, this weekend live on the youtubes. Heh.

Julie: Is this what you were doing when I was helping your grandmother change her diaper?

TJ: 

It's become important to establish independence

but then you get slapped with a case of the stomach flu and beg your mom to take care of you all weekend.

there's always hope for next week.

What day is it?

"This Thursday Trump went to the White House and showed us how brave he is by meeting face-to-face with the man who founded ISIS."

We love ourselves an old, fat, white man

Watching the 2016 

Presidential Election results:

America once again declares it wants to grab the pussy, not take orders from it.

How did it happen? The problem is we have too good of health care & we are letting the old people live too long! I don't know that we don't deserve it straight in the butthole. Stupid is excusable. Ignorance is a choice. 

I shared a friendly "What. The. Fuck. just happened?" with my neighbor this morning... then started absentmindedly humming Lunchlady Land... I feel very sad, very worried about this country and what we are capable of. I feel chilled to understand a little better how a thing like the rise of a nazi-nation could happen.

But! Even when you suck, America, you're still home. And this is no excuse to quit trying to be good & right & just & brave.

Let's build the wall!

What side will you be on?

Woke up in the morning, 

put on my new plastic gloves.

Served some reheated salisbury steak,

with a little slice of love.

Got no clue what the chicken pot pie 

is made of...

Just know everything's 

doin' fine

down here in...

Lunch Lady laaand.

ég sakna þín

BAB and Tiny tagging along on JAN and TJ's Iceland trip. 

Missing JAN.  3 small glasses of wine in mah belly.

Circus Circus

Just a girl and her Yorkie.  True love.

Treebeard? Is that you?

"You know it.  I moved to CO."

Vote! Vote! Vote!

I friggin felt like Paul Revere today as I jogged the mile down the street to the municiple building, ballot in hand, with a giant flag waving at the end of the street from the cemetery. The sun was shining and I felt pretty happy to be a sweaty American gal.

You better believe I voted for the raisins ♡

5 years olds can really cut the tension in a rough situation

Thank goodness for that!
Mam-ma's getting radioactive liver beads tomorrow.  Let them work.

The Guru

"Oprah says when someone tells you who they are, you listen." 

Fine, I'll try a little harder to respect your truth.

Thirty Flirty Friday

When you turn 30

& you can read through

your b-day texts

& get to laugh all day

& feel all loved & happy
you found the right people,

well, 

I guess you're doing your

time on earth 

justice.

Now, go ahead

& buy yourself that pair

of Birkenstocks because

you old enough, 

girlfriend.

Happy Friday!

(& birthday)

On this beauty of a Birthday, I hope this is how you feel, Jansie!

Lil'Bobby drops a deuce

Let's build the wall & take it up along the northern border of AZ

[Half a bottle into Kirkland Signature wine.

Which, by the way, tastes like it should turn your lips & teeth a deep drunken purple, but it doesn't!]

"Obama is the worst President ever. People are tired and want change! He never should have been a politician. He doesn't have any political experience. Sure, the ladies think he's good looking if that matters to a person, but not to me ..."

"Of course it does, Grandpa! I like to know I want to be groped by the President, not that I unwillingly have to be."

He wuvs ham.

Hilarities at work

HA!