Peligroso!

It started with, J: "Hey Brittany, get me a butter knife will you?" B: "Ok, catch."

She caught it, no harm done.  

But what if I tossed her a light bulb?  The fact is, when tossed lightly and caught with care a light bulb elicits no more harm than, say, a tennis ball.  Then we tried the turn-around-and-catch-the-hole-punch.  It's pretty dangerous, especially when thrown fast.  A hole-punch to the ribs definitely smarts.  

I have to say the #1 was the scissors chuck.  We didn't actually try it, but while we were brainstorming we thought of that commercial we saw on MTV once where the dude gets the scissors stuck in his arm.  Eww. 

Smell that? That's rarefied air. We're in the big leagues now!

My dad bought a boat. Suck it, boatless.

This is an emotional one.

I was brought back to times of happiness when Julie was talking about having to listen to a certain someone play the saxophone and she said "Saxamaphone, saxamaphooone." I miss the Simpsons. There, I said it. It's been boiling up inside me for quite some time now and I haven't really told anyone. Remember the one where Homer meets the guy who thinks he's Michael Jackson in the crazy house? Then they sing that song to Lisa on her birthday, she would've had a really crummy birthday without that psycho. You gotta love the one where Australia tries to kick Bart in the hiney with that giant boot. I don't know, I guess it's something I'll have to work through myself. But I had to get it off my chest.

Sorry if I got you down.

i wish i could play little league now...

This weekend’s Pirate win against the Greeley Cows was bittersweet. The final game. Our team has been together for 6 weeks, training hard every Tuesday and Thursday from 5 to 5:30, playing hard every Saturday morning. Brittany and I were nervous about joining the team, as they’ve all been together since they were 4. But they accepted us as one of them, especially after B and I proved we could whack the shit out of the teeball and get to first base in 3 steps. Coach Pat saw our potential and showed us how to wield the power of belittling the opponents with our advanced vocabularies.
But it wasn’t just about us dominating. We’ve made some great friends, in particular, Joey – the coolest second grader you’ll ever meet. Stay cool Joey, stay cool. And Mrs. Duncan (Peter's mom) – we’ll never forget her delicious snacks and capri-suns. What a lady.

It was a good season. Nay – a great season. And we are sad to see it end.

Let us pay tribute here: ARRRRGH! YOU! SCARED!?
ARRRRGH! YOU! SCARED!? LET’S GO PIRATES!

What chromosome are you missing?

Nothing special, but it's a really really really good picture.

It's ugly but I love it.  And I vowed to put it on the top spot whenever I felt like it wasn't getting the attention it deserves.

hear ye! hear ye!

I stepped in gum the other day. Since then, dirt and sawdust bits have gathered.

don't be alarmed

i was registering Brittany as a sex offender today, and i decided to search and see if there were any merv the pervs living near us. the search came up with this guy:

Name: Ronald Eugene Robb
Alias: None (but i like to think he goes by Mr. Tickles)
Charge: robbery, "loving kids too much" 1997
Current Address: 502 w laurel st
Distance: 0.45 miles



i know i'm going to hell for this... but it made me laugh pretty hard. ol' creeper magoo, living absurdly close to jay and jeff.

maybe i'll register myself. as a sexy offender.

I hate snakes

We're having Indiana Jones night every 3 days in preparation for the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Julie and I bought Herbert Johnson "Poet" Model hats and I must say Julie's resemblance to Harrison Ford in Raiders is uncanny. We made bullwhips out of newspaper, string and a little imagination.

I filled the living room with snakes, bad idea.

The biggest surprise, for me at least, was the giant ball Julie had hidden in her closet. As I was walking to the living room she sent it after me in the hall and I had to run for cover, thrilling really. She told me that everyday for 6 months she added 10 rubberbands to the ball. Then she painted it one night to look like stone. If I hadn't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark 57 times I wouldn't have known how to escape that beast of burden. I guess you could say we're pretty excited.

Anyone interesed in becoming our own Short Round need only say the word.

What's my life's biggest regret?

Not stopping the car to pick up that turtle that was in the road that one time. I think we all know what happened to him.

FACT: Racoons glow in the dark

one time we were sitting on our front porch minding our own beeswax, and out of the storm drain climbs this beast of burden raccoon. he had to weigh 80, maybe 107 pounds. he started to walk off, but he looked back at us and that bastard snorted. just like that. infront of the entire neighborhood. since then, b & i have sworn to avenge our honor. tonight we waited outside the drain for about 45 minutes, but that raccoon never showed its sorry face. we are beginning to wonder if it is some sort of genetically altered coon that escaped from a labratory. just in case, we've watched secret of nimh 13 times. have yet to find the secret. and that cocky son-of-a-bitch racoon.

Confused? Yeah.

This is Inspector Blue and Mr. James Frankenroy. It's a lot like Batman and Bruce Wayne, you'll probably never see us in the same room as these fine gents.

How many times to I have to tell you? Blue and Frankenroy have moustaches, Julie and Brittany DON'T!

Dear Bird Log,

Recently, we've taken up pretend bird watching. It has amazed us how many different birds we have already been able to log in our birdie logs. We'd like to share with you our latest sighting, or "shooting" (as brittany likes to say, because then it implies that we kill the birds, but in reality they are the ones shooting us - with their beauty! haha). We saw this little gift of god in a tall tree. What a rare sighting! We heard its song ( "chirp-chirp-squaaaaaaaw" ) and thought to ourselves "NO! It can't be! Not this time of year!" And sure enough, there it was.

A Yellow Bellied Carolina Left Wing Greybrow.

We knew for certain we had spotted this rarity when we located the small likeness of Hitler on its hind-plumage, which is an unfortunate tradmark specific to this species. I believe my words were "Extraordinary!" followed by my fellow watcher's exclaimation of "How very extraordinary!" For those of you not familiar to the glorious world of fake bird watching - to see a Y.B.C.L.W.G. at this time of the year is, indeed, extraordinary. One usually finds them in this region around May.

233. Yellow Bellied Carolina Left Wing Greybrow **

[Attention readers: double asterisks docments birds brittany has been able to pet]

(As a side note - many of you will scarcely forget how these birds were the target of mass murder during WWII. The biggest tragedy to strike the bird world since Thanksgiving, 1621. I would like to remind you that birds are unable to hold any sort of political view, much less an anti-semitic one.)

Just whistling the Harry Potter theme gets me excited. Who doesn't want to be transported to a world of flying around on brooms, battling evil with your best friends and finishing it all off with a pint of butterbeer? Until the movie comes out, you can find me playing out the first five movies in our backyard with my figurine set.

"Oh Ron, you handsome devil."

orcs are stinky

Today Brittany and I traveled to New Zealand, where we walked the path to Mordor and hiked Mount Doom. It was a bitch.

well, i hated it.

This weekend I was the victim of a hate crime.

The safe word is "foliage"

It's the sunflower seeds that keeps this family together.  Bickering nearly caused a divorce in our small group.  It could've been the beer can that someone took to the face, who knows?  But we all kept dipping our grimy hands into that bucket to eat those seeds and it really kept us tight.  Well, it kept us in the same vicinity.  

If a divorce does happen, Julie's coming to live with me.

Julie helped me study today.  It was most appreciated.  I think the only bad part about it is instead of just me getting downtrodden by all the hullabaloo we both did because she had to read the notition dulitions too.  Now she's laying down and I'm pretty sure brain is oozing out of her ears.  The lesson is: Never try.

the best thing about transformers was the musical score

Q: What's cooler than Optimus Prime?

A: This pinecone I found in the gutter, that may or may not have been digested by the giant raccoon that lives in the storm drain.

Winning the World Series is for ninnies.

The season is upon us - Todd Helton Goatee Time.

Grow 'em. Love 'em.

God bless us, everyone.

It might be the giant bucket of sunflower seeds but I feel like I'm one with baseball. It's like I'm from El Salvador and they came and scouted me out and said, "Yo soy tu papa." How could you not move to America and play their favorite pastime for lots of money while scarcely understanding what's going on? Well either way I'm looking forward to viewing a lot more of Tulo and his giant legs and telling people, "Yes, our mascot is a dinosaur and we hate him."

GET OFF THE GODDAM SHED

There is this shed in our backyard. So B & I climbed up on it. We played ninjas. Then we got hungry. So we got off the shed. Best day ever (after many, many other better ones).

Tuesdays are the best days in the world.

sometimes we worry about ourselves. what is the maximum amount of time you can spend together without looking gay?
whatever it is, we've surpassed it.

Ain't nothing wrong with cheers-ing to, "None of us having divorced parents! To our dads loving our moms!"  Don't try and tell me there's something wrong with that.

It Starts

Julie and I arm wrestled today. We both lost. I believe it was due to the lack of arm muscle brought to the table by both parties. Also we don't have a regulation arm wrestling table so everything was skewed. A re-match will most likely occur in July of 2012.