Dedicated to the memory of Jeff Berens. May he rest in peace... so that he will be able to stay awake for our tri-date tomorrow night

Who do we love? JEFF BERENS!
Why do we love him? Oh, a number of reasons really.
I shall put them in numeric order nah:

1. he has a beard
2. he has done 5 Tuesday night beers
3. he has a giggle that will warm the hearts of frozen dead guys
4. he can stick shift like it’s nobody’s business (which it isn’t, so mind your own)
5. he can eat sunflower seeds without ever using his fingers
6. he belongs to a fraternity disguised as a sorority
7. he is usually clothed
8. he met tulowitzki
9. he’s not afraid to hit a girl
10. he once took an ambulance ride for a sprained ankle
11. he has a lot of friends, including two really pretty ones
12. he knows everything there is to know about chinchillas
13. he once defended a small tribal village in the jungles of brazil using only a spear fashioned from a branch and his own brutish strength
14. he lets people puke in his bed
15. he is not fat
16. he lets you rub his face
17. he once killed a man and then brought him back to life, just to teach him a lesson about the evils of nudey websites
18. funny as shit on crutches
19. he is always looking out for his nuts, i’m sure they appreciate it, as do his unborn children
20. he likes country music
21. he doesn’t believe in pro-choice, but he likes the taste of tender babies
22. he knows a good "that’s what she said" joke when he hears one
23. he IS wisdom
24. he was able to resist the J.T.T. craze of 1994
25. he was willing to share his mother’s womb with two others
26. he is always willing to help two retards get a canoe.

On another note, we got a canoe. We christened it ‘Jeff.’