i'm a person, not a seal, ok?

Leave it to Bab’s family to throw me to the lions. I told them NEVER to mention my adoration for a particular uncle to THE particular uncle, but I believe that through a series of hand gestures and devious winking, said uncle received the classified information this day. With all that talk about his “broken hip,” and his “inability to feel any pain,” I didn’t stand a chance in this game where my heart was merely a pawn to be forced to the line of scrimmage, then sacrificed. And what was with the prolonged, detailed descriptions (with exaggerated gestures) of his intensive stretching sessions with his sensei? Please. It reeked of conspiracy. It’s like they didn’t want me to eat my $15 worth of Italian buffet but instead were saying, “feast on this,” as they all watched me watching uncle who caught me looking on numerous occasions. Don’t even get me started on the extended embrace goodbye. You knew my weakness and you punched it repeatedly. Cruel, heartless hyenas.