We stayed at Yogi Bear Campground

I was honorary member of several youth groups.  That's what you get being a non-churched kid at a charter school.  

The middle school thoughts of bab rafting with a friend's church group, as expressed by falsetto TJ.

"Dam this river!"
      "Cheese and crackers."

"Fear not!"  

if you ever wondered what we email about all day

"DID you read about how scientists grew skin cells into replacement noses and vaginas? It sounds so crazy and cool, but it's not like you can talk about it with anyone... 'Did you hear they can grow vaginas now?'"

"I'm always glad to hear when they can grow another body-part, it opens up my options for being reckless. Now my vag doesn't have to be so scared of bicycle riding."

Give him an oscar

I like The Rock because he's like, "I'll take any role. And act the shit out of it."

Haunting

Cats really need to stop looking at people through windows.

tupelo honey

You should be thankful this photo is blurry

because if you saw her preciousness in full glory

your heart would swell, and you'd run out on to the street

and start making out with the first man you see, 

offering to buy him dinner and a drink, and

he'd only get scared when you leaned in 

over your whiskey-coke and 

said, "Her name will be Hannah."

You can get people to say anything

For example:  I kept calling Lake Michigan, "The ocean," and had a couple converts by the end of the trip.  Heh!

Candy that I should've outgrown, but never did.

(please don't look too close at my crackly hands)

I'm on top of the world!

"Taxi to Willis Tower, please."  

"Sears Tower.  But you can call it whatever you want."

"As long as you call it Sears Tower."

2 can be as sad as 1

It might be the sinus pressure on mah brain, but I am feeling chatty today and my peeps are either working or vacationing! I'm seriously considering crafting a new friend. I have a trashcan full of tissue that's just sitting here, unanimated!

Hey, how do you make a tissue jive like a puppet?

Put a little boogie in it.

See what happens when i'm all alone? Lameness.

Someday I will be a beautiful butterfly and zen everything will be bettah! - Heimlich

I'd like to learn to paraglide if I could be guaranteed I wouldn't die in the process. Some chumps would say it's the possibility of death that makes the adventure, but I'd say its the possibility that you could watch your pee fall 1,000 feet that's the real thrill.

BAB and TJ left me

Both of my peeps abandoned me for a few days, home all alone! Just me and Hooch, and we're both worried I'm going to forget to feed her. I gave her some of my popcorn dinner last night, so she's fine for a few days or whatever.

"You remember how to work the gun, right?"

"Yeah, turn off the safety..."

"There is no safety for that gun."

"Really? Yikes. Load the bullets."

"It's already loaded."

"Really? Yikes."

sweatyhand soul mate

"Remember how Chuck Ragan was looking at me?!"
"Yeah, he seemed into it."

[hours later]
"So... what part of me do you think he liked best? My hair? My dance moves? My black tshirt?..."

Do not eat

I have to keep reminding myself these are pesticide covered seeds and not wasabe covered peas, mmmmmmm, pass me a wasabe covered pea please.

My apartment flooded! WTF?

Ben and I soaked up the water with all our good towels, drank a beer, lifted the couch onto some wooden stilts and split a bottle of wine.  

The worst is the dehumidifier, it's like they're trying to mummify me!

Gotta change my email

What I need is a fake email address for when the family sends out mass emails like, "What do you want to bring to eat for Easter Sunday?"  and "When can you help put in Grandma's sprinkler system?"

I'd like to show my love in some other way, thank you.

You don't get the full BAB experience until you get the JANandBAB experience

"I'm going out on a Tinder date, so...
 if I don't come back, avenge me."
                                - bab

Bill Jr.

"If she runs for prez, I might have to vote for her."
"I know. Me too."

And then our heads spun all the way around and we sat there blinking rapidly for five minutes.

own it

Oh sweet succulent Friday,

We're gonna make you our biotch - 

we're gonna buy you flowers,

make you some dinner

with a marg, and tell you

How long we've waited 

for you to come back to us.

i bet a dude who gets his crotch sniffed by a bomb-sniffing dog is at once both terrified and super proud.

This guy sneaked into my office and sniffed out my crafting bag! He scared the bejeezus out of me when I heard a weird scuffly noise and saw a tail lurking in the corner of my eye. I thought my coworkers had accidentally let in a wild something, and just as I was about to scream "raccoon!" I realized he was just on-duty, scoping the joint for a little TNT. Good puppy.