$1

"Believe it or not, TJ, but Bab & I ate quite a few of these little fudge sundaes in college."

"I know.  I saw you guys after college."

Makes me laugh pretty hard

"I told Ryan about having my eyes dilated at zumba and wanting to wear sunglasses and he laughed and said I'd be the blind girl and I was like, "That was our plan!  My friend was going shout directions to me the whole time.  And then give me wrong instructions and I'd have to do it because I was supposed to be blind."

Look Takeru, please don't take a wonderful American pastime like an eating contest and turn it into a muscle driven sport.

No sir, this is about a passion for food, definitely not six packs.

Tea for me

Everytime I pour my afternoon tea for myself in my lonesome office, I remember to show a little wrist, just like my geisha grandma taught me.

Where's the bag?

"These garnishes are delicious!"

- poor people eating at a very fancy restaurant

My kind of lingerie.

Adult onesies sound adorable. Especially when I imagine how sweaty my feet would get within the first 10 seconds and how I'd give myself a wedgie everytime I sat down and how I'd have to pee through the suit because the shitty zipper wouldn't come down in time.

So adorable. I might just have to go back to Target and make the purchase!

A very powerful gift

I would say that I have a single gift and it's one-liners.  You need a quick birthday shout-out?  You come to me, I'll give ya one.  One for the books.

JAN has gifts too, like writing poetic, heartfelt, honest prose.  But it doesn't bring out the lol's in people, more like tears of joy.  overrated.

"Chicken!"

[JAN and BAB reminisce]

"Some of my worst memories of middle and high school involved Truth or Dare."
"Same. I dare you to drink this egg yoke and whiskey!"
"Truth! I said Truth!"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?"
"Dare! I said Dare!"
"Heh. Yup. The one party I was ever invited to was in 8th grade and everyone wanted to play Truth or Dare and I just sat on the couch and said I said wasn't playing... And I was very glad I didn't because they made a dog hump a girl." 

I never rush into anything

How can people just run into their bowl?

JAN and BAB on common ground with TJ

"Yeah, those dumb motorcycle videos are pretty entertaining.  You and I just love documentaries of any kind."

Truth.

Stop right there.

"This slow cooked bacon is exquisite."
"Stop. You had me at 'exquisite'."

Love your Veteran Day

My grandpa is the tall drink of water 2nd from the left. That generation produced a lot of noble soldiers. And really good grandpas.

Later, he gave permission for me & Bab to tag along, as the sherpas.

"See, Bab needs to marry someone just like me."
"Why? So the four of us can go on the motor cyle trip together and torture eachother?"
"No! So we can go on the motor cycle trip and you and Bab can just stay home and read books."
"Well, that's what we've been dreaming about forever, but all your friends turned out to be real chumps."

Are you aware that I am rubber, and you are glue?

Bab and I were a little concerned last night when we couldn't think of what we would say to the punk kids who were mocking our every aquasize move from the window. What the heck could we say to those brats that would hit 'em where it counts?

In hindsight, flipping them the bird was probably enough.

On this Wednesday, the day after the Presidential Election

the nation was tired.  Everybody I talked to today was tired, including me.

Silken, like that of a Chinese man.

"That's Hulk Hogan's signature look: blonde Chinese hair, and skin of a hot dog." 

- the gang

I think we should just all try to be a little more like Elmo.

Just love the crap out of everything.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge.

If we were really hanging off a cliff, Bab would have been just fine with her frankenstein finger strength. But, I would have plummeted almost immediately.

Amendment 64 "Freedom Doobies" Passed

And somewhere inside my father, this guy

 is saying, "Far out."

Be grateful, Juan Pablo. For today, it's especially delcious. Mira.

The vegetable attack is over! I'm allowed to eat delicious food till my heart's content. And with a little pork chops, cheese, rice, wine, and potatoes au gratin, my heart was very very very content.

I'm not even going to tell you we only could do 7 days of vegetable cleanse. Or how the last shake I drank made me gag. Or how our poops hardly stink. I'm not even going to tell you.

"I should eat this jelly belly because there are people out there who aren't allowed."

I am so glad JAN's veggie days are over so I can stop sympathy eating.

Art me.

I take photos for this blog, for example, this one.  In which I depict the Halloween Candy I pre-saved for myself.  

Shoulda known my peeps were of the Texas Roadhouse varietay.

It's hard to spend the morning trying to plan a ballin' office Christmas party, only to find out that it has to be during lunch hours, there is no budget for it, people like to keep it informal, and try to find something with a coupon.

I wish I hadn't already rented my white tuxedo!

I'll meet their demands, but I will NOT be enthused or paying with cash.

He gives me chills every Sunday morning

When I accidentally pause on this channel long enough to hear his terrible grandma-forwarded-me-this-once-in-an-email joke, a creepy shudder runs through my waking bones. A genuine Hank Hill shudder.

BbuUhuh.

A treat.

Oh my wicked goodness.

She's totally destined to be in Hufflepuff.

Tis the bday season!

Happy Birthday to my sister, Nitch! 
My first best friend.

I miss the days of "Barbie" birthdays; something I GET.

It's dangerous to go to a birthday party where the theme is "Pretentious" because what you assume is just people playing the role of pretentious party-goers, is actually just people being themselves and they don't like when you point and shout out across the room that HEY! [WE'RE WEARING THE] SAME GLASSES! Because their's actually have lenses and they paid big bucks to look like Truman Capote, and you bought yours at the Dollar store. Then things get really awkward when you say "Pretentious!" when they hand you their business card and the way they pause then continue to speak as though you hadn't makes you realize they're just handing you their business card. I was like a monkey hanging out with penguins.

I am not a fan of "Personal Challenges"

While it gives us tons to talk about, I feel for my little friend, Julie, who has been challenging herself to eat the simple foods.  As in the foods that don't provide tons of filling nutrients and leave one "tired" and "cranky."  

I'm allowing her to be a baby about it because her challenge is real, not like, "Not watching porn is so difficult!" 

What you can't hear is the blaring emergency exit siren.

We all got to celebrate not drowning at swim lessons by going to Old Macky D's. Don't believe the frowny face - he was having a good time. Soon, he won't even be able to fit through those tunnels.
Because he'll be fat fat fat. Heh! Just kidding. Please excuse Uncle Julie. She has only had straight up vegetables and fruit today.

Wicked

When BAB was a little witch with a pointy hat for Halloween, from 1993-1997, she preferred to wear the elastic chin strap under her nose. Who knows why?

But, it's one of the many reasons I love her. 






<[;)    Elphaba!

"Lunch would be over at one."

Do yourself a favor and reread this little book.

10-day cleanse with fruit and vegetables!

Spooky, scary.

This year we carved our pumpkins in record time ~15 minutes. And then Bab poured hot wax all over my knee.


Thank you, TJ, for obliging us every time we said "Take a picture for our blog!"

HAPPY HALLOWEENER!

The best paybacks I ever got

was when I stuck my gum under the seat at a Nuggets game,

it fell off

and I stepped in it.

bath and body works.

"Oh cucumbers. The smell of 7th grade."

Ninja took a knife to the head.

"I stabbed my finger at work today. Luckily, the first aid kit had the cushest bandaids ever."
"What were you doing with your knife at work?"
"Crafting."

it ain't so bad

i'm sitting in on some sort of church counseling group of people trying to get their lives on track.

i'm grateful i'm only at this coffee shop battling my committee meeting and not addiction.

"Look how tall and skinny and tan that old guy is!"

"I eat three cigarettes a day."

- old guy who is always in the Glenwood hot pool

A horrible movie misquote

"Somethin bit maay!...
... it was a dragon!"

- Forrest Gump, sort of.

Me and Bab

bottom right corner, watching The Shining. 

How does this ad know where I live?

I'm pretty sure you can make decent money on a weather site.  That and cause quite a few seizures.

So cute it'll make you puke.

See the heart?
Guess who packed my lunch.

When the livin's easy

Summer was too freaking hot this year. (probably because we're moving closer to the sun). It literally only rained twice, with one tornado warning. This unusually long Fall is coming to a close - but I'm not ready for winter! It snowed on us when we went to Glenwood last weekend. Impending doom. Oh well. After looking at this picture, it's probably best I quit walking around with skin white as snow. It burns the retinas. In my defense, Bab was only such a tan little indian because of all the waste farming - migrant workings - she had to do.

"Your blogs have really suffered since you started your job."

Mondays through Fridays, specifically around 0800 to 1700, is the stinky pits.

A gift of responsibility.

When I unwrapped this tiny little fella, I experienced a sense of joy and panic. Then my sister told me she had found him in the humane traps set in her basement, and a wave of relief washed over me when she said I didn't have to keep him. His name was Guthrie, and I only knew him for a few hours. He liked to eat cheerios and jump around and crawl in his paper tube. For a few seconds, we thought about actually keeping him, but then Bab sternly reminded us of the hantavirus. Today, we released him in the sunshine near the creek and wildberries. And I hope he doesn't ever find his way back to me because I'd be very sad to have to break the neck of my birthday present. Thanks for the nervous laughs, Noel! :)

It is your birthday.

It is my 26th year being alive. 

I plan to rejoice and be glad in it. 

Thanks to my peeps for making the day 

so fun and special and cuddly. 

Happy Birthday to ol' Bestie!

Here's to JAN!  You're fantastic because you loved your 20% off Big Lots coupon so much! 

Radiolab proved it today

An argument I just had to have with a coworker when she mentioned she didn't know if we were moving closer to the sun.  

bab: "Well the universe is expanding, so probably not."

coworkie: "That's not actually true.  There are people who believe that, but there's other people who don't."

me again: "Wha??  They can show that things are moving away from each other by the light waves."

doofy: "We're not the center of the universe you know."

starting to lose it: "I know.  Well I'm in the expansion camp.  But I don't know enough about physics to prove it to you."

the bitch is, I'll dwell on this for a week.

Hobo tendencies

I'm proud that I ate the leftovers from the work fridge whose owner had left.  It makes me think I could survive on the streets being that today I wasn't a beggar OR a chooser.

Oct. 2nd was Gandhi's birthday!

I can't think of a more precious way to celebrate a good man's birthday than this. Next October, I'm going to India.