The good man

Every time I see John Goodman in a movie, I'm surprised because I am pretty sure he died of a heart attack a few years ago.

Makes my hands tired

In all my 5 times shoveling the driveway I have learned 2 things.

1. Snow pants make for a swampy butt
2. I don't know how to get the snow off the driveway in a semi-orderly fashion

Long johns

The Spanx I never wanted.

Fact: Blackbeard lit off fireworks in his beard just to scare people!

Remember how pirates used to be awesome, but then there were real pirates in Somalia and we had to quit glorifying their terribleness?

shux

Miserababble

I know it's a thing but people just kind of sound like dicks when they're all, "I can't wait to see Le Mis."

Nutcracker and Glurg and the story of Christmas

If you had told me that I wouldn't eat all Saturday in preparation to gord myself before the Nutcracker, only to arrive at the much dreamed about Italian buffet (I had mapped my eating route! Beet salad, crepe table, eggplant parm, crepe table, pizza, cannoli, shrimp bowl, bag of wine under the table) and be told there was no more room at the inn, I would have slapped you on your stupid face. Alas, as Bab and Yay and I trudged down the streets of Denver in the cooold (think Charlie Brown soundtrack), shunned from glorious gluttony, we saw in the distance twinkling light and a collection of Russian nesting dolls. And then, it was as if I was being lead by the warmth, but I knew - knew - there was some hot wein (we lived for the good stuff on our Europe tour) waiting for us. A hot pretzel, a curry wurst, and a few cups of glurg later, we were in the warmth of a giant tent full of dancing Germans and a hay-covered floor. I wouldn't have believed it, but I was no longer sad about the crepe table -it was like we were back in Europe, cold as ever. And then right before the ballet started, the snowflakes fell, and I shouted on the streets, the town crier, "IT'S SNOWING!" and while the rest of the world pretended not to hear what I had just yelled, I was very very glad to have my best pals right beside me. And I was very in love with them both.

Looking back, we were like the wisemen, and glurg was our promised precious baby.

Money talks

"You can be poor and very happy. And you can be very rich and very unhappy!" - Mom

"And you can be very rich and very happy." - Dad

Ninjabread

First, you have your typical TMNT battle, fought with honor. 

Then, pizza party!

May some nuclear radiation be a bountiful blessing 

in your life this holiday season!

Con Permisso

BAB and I got permission to go on a trip! We aren't allowed to go on the winery bike tour of France with out our squeaky third wheel, buuuut, we were given permission to go two places:

1) Idaho. To see the potato farms.
2) Hogwarts

Let the planning of an adventure begin! 

Now we just have to ask our bosses.

Double you

Today, the word "Once" went and boggled mah mind.

Dudes of the World -

We girls had crushes on ol' JGL long ago

And you didn't buy that GQ for style tips.

Man on Wire

"I observed the tight rope dancer... because you couldn't call him a walker... approximately half-way between the two towers. I personally figured I was watching something that somebody else would never see again in the world - thought it was once in a lifetime."

- Sgt Charles Daniels (the policeman who helped arrest him)

Black Jesus

will get me every time!

Little Elf

You can't help but love your mom when you hum the NFL theme song, and your mom follows with "Fa la la la la, la la la la."

And your dad just shakes his head.

Turkies

What did I give thanks for this year?
Getting the hell outta Arizona.

It's Christmastime!

hahahahahahaha

Forgive us

We're sorry the blog is suffering as of late.

We're both drowning. Myself, in homework.
JAN, in snot.

No rise pizza dough

Made us the fool, as it did rise quite rapidly in the oven, leaving room for only 5 pepperonis and a few crappy olives and 3" of dough to bite through. And boy did we regret saying, "You eat the pizza you make, everybody!" Because then everybody learned from our mistake and made delicious pizzas with bountiful toppings and normal thickness of crust. And we had to choke down our words. What's new, eh?

Once in a while, roommates are awesome

Because they do things like this and you get a good laugh and then you just shake your head because there's no telling why.

Fish and Friends

 My chums. In both meanings of the word.

We had to watch "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" in preparation,

and we all agreed Jiro would kick us out of his restaurant before 

we could even say, "Oh, herro Jiro!"

First name: Fluffy.

I fell in love on Thanksgiving. Can you blame me? 

PS. I secretly changed his name, 
even though I was specifically told not to :)

Take me back!

Ewan McGreggor wasn't impressed.

We were impressed.

Mint Essence

I thought I was strong, but I'm not.
          And neither is my enamel.
I'm back on Sensodyne.

Baby Precious

Watch out world!

because when I get a dog, things are going to get obnoxious.

Not special

Usually when people mention that they cleaned up their facebook friends, so "if you see this message you should feel special because you're still my friend,"

I think "If I ever cleaned up my list, I doubt I'd keep them." 

$1

"Believe it or not, TJ, but Bab & I ate quite a few of these little fudge sundaes in college."

"I know.  I saw you guys after college."

Makes me laugh pretty hard

"I told Ryan about having my eyes dilated at zumba and wanting to wear sunglasses and he laughed and said I'd be the blind girl and I was like, "That was our plan!  My friend was going shout directions to me the whole time.  And then give me wrong instructions and I'd have to do it because I was supposed to be blind."

Look Takeru, please don't take a wonderful American pastime like an eating contest and turn it into a muscle driven sport.

No sir, this is about a passion for food, definitely not six packs.

Tea for me

Everytime I pour my afternoon tea for myself in my lonesome office, I remember to show a little wrist, just like my geisha grandma taught me.

Where's the bag?

"These garnishes are delicious!"

- poor people eating at a very fancy restaurant

My kind of lingerie.

Adult onesies sound adorable. Especially when I imagine how sweaty my feet would get within the first 10 seconds and how I'd give myself a wedgie everytime I sat down and how I'd have to pee through the suit because the shitty zipper wouldn't come down in time.

So adorable. I might just have to go back to Target and make the purchase!

A very powerful gift

I would say that I have a single gift and it's one-liners.  You need a quick birthday shout-out?  You come to me, I'll give ya one.  One for the books.

JAN has gifts too, like writing poetic, heartfelt, honest prose.  But it doesn't bring out the lol's in people, more like tears of joy.  overrated.

"Chicken!"

[JAN and BAB reminisce]

"Some of my worst memories of middle and high school involved Truth or Dare."
"Same. I dare you to drink this egg yoke and whiskey!"
"Truth! I said Truth!"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?"
"Dare! I said Dare!"
"Heh. Yup. The one party I was ever invited to was in 8th grade and everyone wanted to play Truth or Dare and I just sat on the couch and said I said wasn't playing... And I was very glad I didn't because they made a dog hump a girl." 

I never rush into anything

How can people just run into their bowl?

JAN and BAB on common ground with TJ

"Yeah, those dumb motorcycle videos are pretty entertaining.  You and I just love documentaries of any kind."

Truth.

Stop right there.

"This slow cooked bacon is exquisite."
"Stop. You had me at 'exquisite'."

Love your Veteran Day

My grandpa is the tall drink of water 2nd from the left. That generation produced a lot of noble soldiers. And really good grandpas.

Later, he gave permission for me & Bab to tag along, as the sherpas.

"See, Bab needs to marry someone just like me."
"Why? So the four of us can go on the motor cyle trip together and torture eachother?"
"No! So we can go on the motor cycle trip and you and Bab can just stay home and read books."
"Well, that's what we've been dreaming about forever, but all your friends turned out to be real chumps."

Are you aware that I am rubber, and you are glue?

Bab and I were a little concerned last night when we couldn't think of what we would say to the punk kids who were mocking our every aquasize move from the window. What the heck could we say to those brats that would hit 'em where it counts?

In hindsight, flipping them the bird was probably enough.

On this Wednesday, the day after the Presidential Election

the nation was tired.  Everybody I talked to today was tired, including me.

Silken, like that of a Chinese man.

"That's Hulk Hogan's signature look: blonde Chinese hair, and skin of a hot dog." 

- the gang

I think we should just all try to be a little more like Elmo.

Just love the crap out of everything.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge.

If we were really hanging off a cliff, Bab would have been just fine with her frankenstein finger strength. But, I would have plummeted almost immediately.

Amendment 64 "Freedom Doobies" Passed

And somewhere inside my father, this guy

 is saying, "Far out."

Be grateful, Juan Pablo. For today, it's especially delcious. Mira.

The vegetable attack is over! I'm allowed to eat delicious food till my heart's content. And with a little pork chops, cheese, rice, wine, and potatoes au gratin, my heart was very very very content.

I'm not even going to tell you we only could do 7 days of vegetable cleanse. Or how the last shake I drank made me gag. Or how our poops hardly stink. I'm not even going to tell you.

"I should eat this jelly belly because there are people out there who aren't allowed."

I am so glad JAN's veggie days are over so I can stop sympathy eating.

Art me.

I take photos for this blog, for example, this one.  In which I depict the Halloween Candy I pre-saved for myself.  

Shoulda known my peeps were of the Texas Roadhouse varietay.

It's hard to spend the morning trying to plan a ballin' office Christmas party, only to find out that it has to be during lunch hours, there is no budget for it, people like to keep it informal, and try to find something with a coupon.

I wish I hadn't already rented my white tuxedo!

I'll meet their demands, but I will NOT be enthused or paying with cash.