Thursdays are just days to be endured until you can get to Friday

Soak up that mother f.n. beauty.

Hubba hubba

My new celebrity crush is NHL hockey refs as a group.

They break up a fight with utter confidence, tell players to "Quit it," and wear high-wasted pants like nobody I know.

We stayed at Yogi Bear Campground

I was honorary member of several youth groups.  That's what you get being a non-churched kid at a charter school.  

The middle school thoughts of bab rafting with a friend's church group, as expressed by falsetto TJ.

"Dam this river!"
      "Cheese and crackers."

"Fear not!"  

if you ever wondered what we email about all day

"DID you read about how scientists grew skin cells into replacement noses and vaginas? It sounds so crazy and cool, but it's not like you can talk about it with anyone... 'Did you hear they can grow vaginas now?'"

"I'm always glad to hear when they can grow another body-part, it opens up my options for being reckless. Now my vag doesn't have to be so scared of bicycle riding."

Give him an oscar

I like The Rock because he's like, "I'll take any role. And act the shit out of it."

Haunting

Cats really need to stop looking at people through windows.

tupelo honey

You should be thankful this photo is blurry

because if you saw her preciousness in full glory

your heart would swell, and you'd run out on to the street

and start making out with the first man you see, 

offering to buy him dinner and a drink, and

he'd only get scared when you leaned in 

over your whiskey-coke and 

said, "Her name will be Hannah."

You can get people to say anything

For example:  I kept calling Lake Michigan, "The ocean," and had a couple converts by the end of the trip.  Heh!

Candy that I should've outgrown, but never did.

(please don't look too close at my crackly hands)

I'm on top of the world!

"Taxi to Willis Tower, please."  

"Sears Tower.  But you can call it whatever you want."

"As long as you call it Sears Tower."

2 can be as sad as 1

It might be the sinus pressure on mah brain, but I am feeling chatty today and my peeps are either working or vacationing! I'm seriously considering crafting a new friend. I have a trashcan full of tissue that's just sitting here, unanimated!

Hey, how do you make a tissue jive like a puppet?

Put a little boogie in it.

See what happens when i'm all alone? Lameness.

Someday I will be a beautiful butterfly and zen everything will be bettah! - Heimlich

I'd like to learn to paraglide if I could be guaranteed I wouldn't die in the process. Some chumps would say it's the possibility of death that makes the adventure, but I'd say its the possibility that you could watch your pee fall 1,000 feet that's the real thrill.

BAB and TJ left me

Both of my peeps abandoned me for a few days, home all alone! Just me and Hooch, and we're both worried I'm going to forget to feed her. I gave her some of my popcorn dinner last night, so she's fine for a few days or whatever.

"You remember how to work the gun, right?"

"Yeah, turn off the safety..."

"There is no safety for that gun."

"Really? Yikes. Load the bullets."

"It's already loaded."

"Really? Yikes."

sweatyhand soul mate

"Remember how Chuck Ragan was looking at me?!"
"Yeah, he seemed into it."

[hours later]
"So... what part of me do you think he liked best? My hair? My dance moves? My black tshirt?..."

Do not eat

I have to keep reminding myself these are pesticide covered seeds and not wasabe covered peas, mmmmmmm, pass me a wasabe covered pea please.

My apartment flooded! WTF?

Ben and I soaked up the water with all our good towels, drank a beer, lifted the couch onto some wooden stilts and split a bottle of wine.  

The worst is the dehumidifier, it's like they're trying to mummify me!

Gotta change my email

What I need is a fake email address for when the family sends out mass emails like, "What do you want to bring to eat for Easter Sunday?"  and "When can you help put in Grandma's sprinkler system?"

I'd like to show my love in some other way, thank you.

You don't get the full BAB experience until you get the JANandBAB experience

"I'm going out on a Tinder date, so...
 if I don't come back, avenge me."
                                - bab

Bill Jr.

"If she runs for prez, I might have to vote for her."
"I know. Me too."

And then our heads spun all the way around and we sat there blinking rapidly for five minutes.

own it

Oh sweet succulent Friday,

We're gonna make you our biotch - 

we're gonna buy you flowers,

make you some dinner

with a marg, and tell you

How long we've waited 

for you to come back to us.

i bet a dude who gets his crotch sniffed by a bomb-sniffing dog is at once both terrified and super proud.

This guy sneaked into my office and sniffed out my crafting bag! He scared the bejeezus out of me when I heard a weird scuffly noise and saw a tail lurking in the corner of my eye. I thought my coworkers had accidentally let in a wild something, and just as I was about to scream "raccoon!" I realized he was just on-duty, scoping the joint for a little TNT. Good puppy.

Well that's redundant

(Middle right)

JAN left for the weekend to ride

"I feel like I'm departing on a voyage to America, leaving you, my Polish wife, in the motherland until I can afford to buy you a bike."

now this is a story about all how my life got flipped-turned upside down

I look like this

because of this

I crashed into a cliff's side on my bicycle.

I laughed and then I cried

and then I told TJ not to tell anybody I cried,

while I was still crying.

I'd show you the bruise from where I landed 

full-throttle on my chest, but. Poor Lefty! 

She has suffered blunt-force trauma,

but she'll live another day. 

She thanks you for your concern.

After picking out some prickly thorns, 

we got back on the bike.

My mom told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, "within reason." when i asked her what she meant by "within reason" she said, "You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man."

Why you can't be a colorblind ornithologist:

"Nice bird drawing."
"Thanks. I'm trying to get all the details."
"Are you going to add the bright red stripe last?"
"What red stripe?"

Turns out I'm not the loveable nerd, I'm the bully you hate - Liz Lemon

BAB is taking a pottery class, and as expected, she is bullying the classmates she simultaneously hopes to befriend! She has reminded herself to only make self-depracating jokes or general hate jokes directed at the human race as a neutral whole - not the poor lady whose mug was so good the teacher used it as a prime example of technique, and BAB said, "Wow! You're so good, you should be the teacher!"

I'm glad I wasn't there because I probably would have said, "Here's a free lesson, I learned this move from Patrick Swayze."

a broadway critique!

"It was pretty good, but Big Mama Morton was a letdown! Although, Queen Latifah was so awesome in the movie, it's hard to compete."

"Agreed. I really like Queen Latifah. Her face is quite beautiful."

"Whhhha? TJ! Do you have a little jungle fever?" 

"... yeah. I guess I do!"

And then we agreed we should watch Taxi soon.

Have you ever been scoffed at for suggesting to add ice to wine so as to cool it down faster than refrigeration?

Then I presume you also have never accidentally bought a box of red wine instead of white and had 3 boxes of red wine in your apartment at once.

It's all fixed now.

I donated the extra red to jan and got myself that box of white I've been dreaming of, each glass stocked with 2 ice cubes, mister.

Did you hear I got a bb gun for my birthday?! Her name is Mother

Here's how to have the maximum good time with your bffl:

First make sure you know that "Fire at the ready" means that the safety is OFF, take aim

 Try to get the ninjas and/or pirates before the wind does, careful to not hit the Pooper Scooper!

 Turn your safety ON and take pictures without goggles because you look dorkier than you thought.

see what I mean?

Mead is an alcoholic beverage created by fermenting honey with water, and frequently fruits.

They should also mention "essence of antiseptic" in the aftertaste, not a fan.

Trippy

Grizzly Adams DID have a beard

What he didn't have was a protected brain because a bear done ripped his skull off, which

healed and was ok. Until another bear bopped him on the head and split everything back open. More than once. Which also would have been ok, but then a monkey bit the non-skull protected brain part, and then poor Grizz died a little while later.

She also made the yummiest black/blue berry pie for my bday.

The little baby is crafting! We couldn't be more proud (even if she wasn't sure if she should get thread for her sewing project).

 the big baby is getting air out of the pool tube

40 degrees F at the Glenwood hot spring

"It's pretty cold out there to be sunbathing."

"Well, he IS wearing a sweater."

BaHahahaha!

Gone are the dog days of Sayulita

The collar meant he was safe to pet.

you know, the part-giant lady character in a sea of beautiful half-naked temptresses

"You'd be Brienne in game of thrones - good at wielding small shield."

- my husband, the flatterer

we 've started forwarding through the sex scenes - boring!

Something you do see every day on vacation

Pelican fishermen!!

bab's suggestion for relieving work-stress proved most effective

JAN's school of BB gun safety:

"Remember the first rule about shooting guns...

Have Fun!"

lucky day

Work peeps be cranky today! 

I'm glad I went to the river at lunch and found this riverglass! 

Riverglass is more rare than seaglass.
It can be distinguished from seaglass because
 it is found in the river's water,
unlike seaglass which is found in the sea's water.

After you take the glass from it's original location, it may be hard to distinguish between the two.
Maybe try licking them. A salty taste would indicate oceanic origins.

I assure you, these antlers are not mine

I was just informed it's a tree branch.

it really makes me wonder

It's the stairway.

You know, the one that lady was going to buy.

The stairway to... where was it going to?

Oh hell, I can't think of it.

"Voted most likely to turn water in to weed."

...and then the world fell a little more in love.

Thanks for making us stay up waaaay past our bedtime and giggle, Jimmy!

Women's hockey, I wonder if their hockey bags are as rank as men's?

A clear statement that we, in general, value our faces and teeth.

Remember Springtime?

It's not SO bad to have a day that reminds you to be nice and tell people you love them, maybe we should do it the 14th of every month! Don't forget the candy.

Dear jan,
Thanks for making me hold a baby turtle.  And for being so kind.

love,
bab