It's supposed to walk the line of man-monkey lady love

Boost our cokes with a little whiskey and jan and bab turn into 2 ladies who are a little scared and have a lot of comments.

flirt

I've been riding my bike the longway home - sans light rail shortcut - and I've been cat-called 2x! The first one was something about my "booty." From a white guy in a station wagon. Pffffff. But the second time was from a 8 year old blonde chubster, sitting on a fence with his razor, who called out , "I like your bike!" To which I halla'd back, "Thanks! I like your scooter." He looked like this, with a little more chub and no coonskin hat. If he had been wearing a davy crockett, I would have stopped my bike and chased him around the playground until he let me hug him.

"Yeah, I was in BANNF and saw some elk."

Is what a d-bag says to the ladies, who shared their elk viewing rock, prompting one to be confused and the other to make sure, "That's in Canada, right?"

Follow-up question: "What do the elk look like up there?"  cause we're thinking thicker fur, lighter color coats due to more snow, name harnesses, because honestly, some of those could be Santa's.

"They look exactly the same. No difference at. all."

We should done the world a favor and nudged him off the steep side the rock ever so gently.

all about that bass, no treble

This sunset was comforting after I had to slam on my brakes while I was adjusting my lumbar pillow - which made me honk accidentally at the car full of black ladies and then I felt compelled to yell to them, "Sorry! I didn't mean to honk my horn!" I don't think they could hear me though because they were laughing too hard. I'm such a cracker sometimes it's embarrassing.

duck dynasty

I was recently told " you don't want chickens, get ducks." And now I am convinced I want ducks! Aside from the health benefits of their eggs and lack of vicious pecking order - I want them because I will make them believe I am their mama and then will show them the way south in my ultralight glider (shaped like a duck) showing them the migratory path our grandfathers once travelled from Poland.

Mission impossible accomplished

After 2 weeks of dedication, I just finished reading this here blog in its entirety.  Here are 2 facts about our baby: there are roughly 1700 posts, the best one is all of them, don't even try to pick a favorite because one of us will be a little hurt and it began back in a little house in Ft. Collins that had yellow paint and brown trim (a terrible combination of colors).

It's interesting to point out that there used to be a lot more fictional tales, we've transitioned to mostly true stories these days.  My catch phrase is usually 'real life is more hilarious than fake,' but sometimes it's not because in the fake world raccoons glow in the dark and tease you, little league allows 2 adult ladies to join their team, we arm wrestle, join the Lollipop Guild, visit the original, incorrect 4-corners and grow Todd Helton goatees.

It was voted Best Thing to Look at on the Interdoobie independently by both jan and i.

hufflepuffins

"HP symphony on NPR Classical!"
"Wahhhttt! Also it snowed this morning!"
"Magical times all around! There was a story on NPR about abortion and I was like too much for a Friday! then I switched to classical and it was HP!"
"Christmas has come early! Actually, no snow here, just fog and cold. More like when the dementors come to town."
"See what I'm sayin about NPR? No balance! It's either flute music and talking about butterflies or crazy hard core news! Dementors! Haha - it was very Privet Drive-esque!"
"True, you have no time to prepare for the butterfly report or the abortion one."
"Bab - you need to eat some chocolate. It will help you feel better. Prof Lupin told me so."
"Great idea! Thank goodness for my chocolate covered coffee bean stash."
"Mmmmm chocolate beans!?"

she fell down a hill and fell asleep in my arms. best b-day party ever.

Tuesday, favorite baby turned 1.

Last year it was biblical flooding 

and today it might snow.

She is pure magic,

especially when it comes to making

her Uncle Yay fall madly in love with her.

I can't wait to see what other powers

she reveals this year. 

Live it up, sweet love of mine...

Go bike up a hill in the mountains.

There's no air and it feels like you're biking straight up a mountain and soon you'll hit the moon.

technology is cyclical

Every time someone brags about how they just bought an old record for $20, I tell them how my sister once put our Fraggle Rock vinyl on top of the lamp to keep it out of my other sister's reach but then the heat of the incandescent bulb melted the plastic and what ensued was family crisis '88 and lots of crying. Mostly to prove the point that records are lame and if you're spending $20 on an old warpy album then they heard you comin' in your tight hipster pants a mile away. "Swish vrrr. Swish vrrr. Swish vrrr." - your pants

to know her is to love her

This is the woman

who donated half of Bab's DNA.

And it all makes sense now,

doesn't it?

I worked very hard to make it to the last book.

Mostly because the cover looks so good.

thank yer

"Julie, If I saw you on the street

I would guess you were a 

field hockey player. You know,

'cause those girls are big and strong."

If I had a dollar for every time

I've been told that exact same thing...

can't stop won't stop groovin

Damned if I wanted to not like this music video. But, I do! I like it a lot. TJ is allowed to

like it too, mostly because he said once that every time he hears an interview with her that she gets less cute.

$40 and the drinks aren't free-flowing?

I can get drunk and paint

a shitty painting at my own house,

thank you.

So help us,

if the it didn't burn her scalp, blonde would be here to stay!

Wishbones are rigged.

Tour de Fort. Friendly words of competition were exchanged.

I was King of the Mountain today!  However, it was old lady in spandex (which surely had a built-in butt cushion) who ended with the yellow jersey.  

These legs were made for climbing, not speed.

"Later!"

She just up and started walking. Next she'll be talking, and we're all a little scared :)

the OTHER bucket list

There are many reasons to adore her. See here.

Her list of celebrities she'd "do":

1) LL Cool J

2) The President (changes every 4-8 years)

toil and trouble

Poor BAB's bro-in-law had to put up with three gals in his kitchen who were mildly to overly enthused about the essential oil potions we were brewing in his kitchen.

     "I'm bottling Hope!"

     "Are you sure no one wants any patchouli drops?"

     "Which one is good for stretch marks?"

     "More white wine for all!"

He said he didn't want any part of our "voodoo witchcraft"... But what he doesn't know is that BAB's sister has been secretly rubbing the Purification blend on him whilst he sleeps! [witchy cackle!]

He should just be grateful we waited

to talk about our periods after he went up to bed.

generally "Meh."

We are the only two girls who don't get it.




Well, the top quadrant. The rest we get.

Every month my work calendar gives me new helpful information

The disappointment made her join a snowboarder gang :(

Watch what you let JAN see because she will tell your nieces and nephew things that knock you out of your hero status.

"I thought you were only supposed to shoot army men with the bb gun."

                - Corbin

I'll get my sweet revenge with Camber.

love language

He was in the air force,

where hugging was considered

a gayable offense.

                         - b.a.b.

    

Kris had to remember the jokes since I bb shot our note taking squirrell and it ran away

"A pregnant lady can drink a vodka and lemonade!  Vodka for mama, lemonade for baby."

                  

                - J.A.N.

I know what I'll be doing this weekend: watching Flubber

"Oh there you are, Peter!"

Some our best lines come from this man.

And so it goes.

Verifying credit card with bank

"They need to know some of your recent transactions."

"Uh, there's Harry Potter symphony tickets.  And kindle version of the Harry Potter books.  Oh man I sound like a dork."

Devil's Causeway

I am under strict orders not to tell Bab what I read about this backpacking trail. I am not to talk about how high or narrow or steep. And I shant. But I do feel it's my duty to mention that should you plummet the 1,000ft drop off the 4ft causeway, you will have plenty of time to shout your final words, so I suggest you start planning accordingly. I'm thinking my parting effigy will be something sweet and simple, like "TJ! I forbid you to remarry!"

If you do  make it across, a change of underwear might be savvy.

The only way to ride and be sure your dress doesn't get snagged - tuck it in.

Where the H are my postcard stamps?!

The second you fine them, Julie and my grandparents are getting postcards.  

posh brunch

Is she hunting rabbits in the forest or

taking her bffl to a super posh brunch,

so posh we could barely figure out 

how to work the bathrooms and almost

started looking for a place to start digging

(some of the best advice we ever got was 

"Never don't be without your poop shovel.")

because am I in the woods or am I

at brunch? 

The yellow lighting was

oddly enhancing of her blue eyes

and counteracted my witchy undertones.

Thanks for the good time, babs :)

anniversary adversary

"Celebrating one year

 of putting up with your bullshit."

                                                  - TJ

The other day I itched my head like one of those confused monkeys.

It's just soda.

"There's only 1 thing that goes in an American flag koozie.
                  And that's Coors Light."

Drive-thru

I'm still not 100% sure why there's pictures of How To Train Your Dragon: 2 drive-in on my phone.  We must have had a reason other than delicious sangria.

I win the race!

It takes TJ  five minutes longer to bicycle ride to work than it takes me! 

Don't consider that his ride is twice as long.

finding nemo

Once upon a time he was a little baby who I could impress with my magnadoodle drawings, and then suddenly he's an almost 3rd grader who corrects me when i mistakenly say a fish looks like a brontosaurus instead of a brachiosaurus. But, he still gives a good hug and screamed and ran when the water splashed us in the flash flood simulator. I followed suit.

Friday!

Get yourself some chunky thighs to love
this weekend. 

what a bunch of Huffpuffs

[A phone conversation]

JAN: Let's wait to put on our robes until right before the concert. Just so we don't look too weird walking around Denver!

MEGAN: Oh yeah, that's what I was thinking too! [ashamed, secretly takes off HP glasses and robes]

It was only because of Megan's bravery

that BAB and I were conviced we should wear these robes!

(Even though B didn't wear her glasses the whole time)

The symphony-goers loved it!

And we sweated our aces off.

And I had to admit to another adult female that

"My mom made these robes."

natural selection

I was recently pondering aloud about a real concern I've been carrying for a while: if I had been born an indian, how would I have survived because without contacts or glasses, I'm pretty much blind. Would I have just sat by the fire, weaving baskets? I surely couldn't hunt buffalo or gather berries. Then TJ informed me that I probably wouldn't have been a choice bride by nature so I would have been left as a lonely old spinster who no one wanted to mate with and by natural selection my gene defect would go extinct.

 So, pretty much if I had been born an indian, my life wouldn't be that much different.

JAN's coworker is stressed at work!

"I told her I would sprinkle more M&Ms into my glass bowl whenever I assign her a ticket so she'll associate a ticket with good things! hah! She said she's not a Pavlovian dog. Coulda fooled me."

Being on the scored goals reel is every keeper's nightmare.

171 Goals Scored: 2014 was a record high number of goals scored in a World Cup, tied with 1998 in France.

"Must be because of global warming."

what I'll be doing under my desk at work for the next few weeks

Omgee.

It feels magical, like I'm reading it 

for the first time.

monkies would make terrible leaders

"How many times have I asked you

if you've seen the original Planet of the Apes? 

When I'm old and losing it, people will be like,

'She's losing her mind, she asks all the time if I've seen Planet of the Apes.' And you'll be like,
 "Nah, she's done that forever.'"
                                                            -bab

Faker

"Reese, your vacation drawings are sooo good that I don't even feel like I need to look at the real photographs!"

"Grandma, I didn't even stand under a palm tree."

viet hoa!

About a year ago, my favorite Asian market closed! 

I was so bummed out because that meant I could no longer

buy all my favorite weird things! 

Then as if a gift from Siam, 

we drove by it in the slums of our neighborhood!

It hadn't closed, just relocated!

The big white girl is back, baby!

And this time I had cred because TJ 

was with me!

A weird flakey wax-paper wrapped cookie?

I'll take a box, thank you!

Yikes.

The frog bucket.

Swampy

"Good luck to us both on our sweaty ass bike rides home!"
      - jan