she's bringing the ham

Here's a little Wednesday cheer!

And i just realized I hadn't even put up any pictures of my favorite baby! Which is extra crazy because I look through them every day! She's so awesome.

Pen name: Joan Riviera

I think JAN should be  a romance novel writer.  When her characters get to a steamy part, it could be exactly that - Steamy.

He gazed deeply into her deep brown eyes and the room got all steamy.  Who knows exactly what happened?  Maybe they were in there hugging for 30 minutes.  

Those boots were made for layin around & wiggling

This is what happens when Aunt BAB and JAN change your diaper and dress you: you pee all over yourself and you come out looking like you're going hunting in the sugar plum fairy's forrest and then joining a rodeo for babies. oh man, a baby rodeo would be so cute! She'll wrestle a baby cow but really, they'll just cuddle and share a bottle of milk.

Nut crackers

A good way to annoy your husband: sit around all morning and eat peanuts with your girlfriends. We were recovering from a hard night! Robbie made us see a 12 hour movie about a slave who escaped slavery, only to be tricked back into it! So then we had to drown our cry-headaches with lots and lots of beer. Thus the reason we were laying around at 10am, munching on a big bag of nuts (No she didn't!). It couldn't be helped.

"This bag of peanuts was only $3.99!"
"Are they elephant grade?"

In good time

Being that we were eating Little Ceasar's pizza and drinking beer at the time of this photograph, chances are good that we will eventually be Curves customers.

J.H.H. after being crashed into for the 3x

"The most insulting thing is that the drivers always seem so relieved when they see what a piece of crap my car is."

Jay! We have the same shoes! I buy in the men's section because i have wide, amazonian feet.

home improvements

We broke and replaced our waterheater in one day! Boo ya. You can tell i'm pretty proud of him and his Al Borland skillz, especially if you were at that bonfire party this weekend when I stood infront of 10 people I didn't know and bragged about the whole thing, quite possibly shouted it. In my defense, TJ is awesome and brag-worthy. And those people needed to know it.

In contrast to JAN's nutso week,

mine was about the Zen of making tiny bubbles in a very breakable glass chip.

I sent those Denver kids chill vibes while cutting and fastening 0.8mm tubes into place.

the cat's meowww

This 4-day week was a doozy. I'm glad it's Friday so I can finally get down. In my warm ducky-fleece pajamas and watch some damn Disney movies. It's not a fun night when you have to pick your good friend up from the hospital and realize you're not the best in panic situations. Actually, I am the best - at panicking, manifested in the form of shakeylegs. And it's a heartbreaking morning spent cleaning his blood off the back door, knowing how scary and painful and effed up it all was. But! He's OK! You could have done worse, Phil. And we're so glad you didn't. The world needs the good-hearted ones, even if they have a few shorter fingers. Plus, chicks dig scars.

I'm not even mad i didn't get the pizza dinner I had been looking forward to all the livelong day, that's  how much I like ol' Philly mouskawitz!

Typical

I'm always hearing, "That newborn baby is actually very cute, not ugly and squished like newborns usually are!"

But who's the idiot going around saying, "That's your typical newborn human baby: squished and ugly." ?

The dangers of not having a microphone

Out of a group of 7 peeps, you're lucky if 1 hears your jokes.  

Oh man, it's worse if you're with a dude and a television because you're chances slide to 0.001%, which sucks because soccer offers up so many opportunities for laughs.  

i live for these cookies

BAB's dad couldn't tell that this batch of sugar cookies were cowboy hats. Which is crazy because I'm pretty sure Clint Eastwood sported a hat just like this in one of those spaghetti movies.

i wish my phone had photoshop.

Survival of the fittest tangerine

51 seeds.

how original!

It would be especially fun to be black during Halloween, you could just dress up in all the typical costumes, but the Black version. It's always, always the better version.
"What's that?"
"I'm black Dorothy!"

no, kitty, that's meh potpie

Robbie:  Brittany reminded me you're allergic to cat hair, so I vacuumed the carpets and couch twice!
JAN:  Thanks!
BAB: You are allergic to cats, aren't you?
JAN:  No.

Get your iodine

JAN eating a sheet of seaweed.

Peace Train

The truth

"Uh, actually, Mr. Appleseed, these apples are a huge nuisance.  They gunk up my yard and then I have an infestation of squirrels!  How many apple trees did you plant anyways?  It seems absurd to have so many on one block.  I mean, there's only so many pieces of apple pie you can eat in a day."

it's a loud cry from your heart

I hope 27 feels 

and looks

exactly like this 

(including bab dancing so hard
she has to rip her sleeves off)

The lunch of champions!

The go-to meal for champions like me and Robyn's dad when he's stranded in the Moab desert.


Pretty terrible.

Let the angels shine down on this-here birthday girl

You're going to make a Great 27-year-old, JAN!

I love her because she called me, "loveable."

"Let me take a picture of you guys in your stupid purple pants."

I'll be needing a tiny broom and tiny declawed flying monkies

"You should just wear that tiny witch hat for Halloween. Oh man that'd be so cute! You could be a tiny witch who got hit with an enlargement spell 
except her hat didn't get hit."

                                                                     -bab

the little flower vase IS pretty rad

Where do I start with the many wonderful accents of this German locomotive? Let's ignore the wheel you have to crank like one of those LOTR trolls in order to recline. MY favorite part is the little domed logo on the steering wheel, made out of the world's most reflective element on earth. It's great because I'm a little fraulein who needs to see her mug in a mirror at any girly whim while driving. It's especially great because the convex mirror catches the blinding reflection of the sun no matter what direction you turn. It really is the volk's wagon.

Hilter may have done many terrible things, and this is no exception.

I never learned how to crochet a washrag.

Crap, the furlough is over and I didn't do anything on my to-do list!

I did get to hang out with a lot of cool people and I drank quite a bit.  Shout-out to my grandparents, nieces and nephew, sister, parents, pals, bffl and various acquaintances along the way.

Good for her

I like jogging in a baseball cap for the following reasons

1) It keeps the radiation filled sun off, at least, my forehead

2) No matter how slow I'm going or hard I'm breathing, people who go by me are thinking "Good for that new mom!  Finding the time to get out at least once in a great while."

V-DC Day

Feeling pretty excited because I battled the Asian dry cleaner down $4! Sure, I was scared. But I thought about how proud my motherinlaw would be if I haggled with the human race who invented the philosophy that the sticker price is just a bar to be limboed.

Zombie baby

"Mom I'm hungry.  I want to eat your brain."

Guess who?

Hint: [theme song] doo do-do do do do-do dododododo DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DododoDO!

i spy octopi

It's Friday and you know what that means, leave me alone because I'm living for 5 o'clock.

Can you find the octopus tentacle? So chewy and sticky and delicious!

Neil Young

You know, the one who sings "Heart of Goooollld."

spooky scary

Tiny, adorable, and less likely to break the glass when the neighbor kids smash it over your windshield!

Our next creative project: Rewrite of the ballet Giselle

We thought the story had all the makings for a great ballet - love, loss, dead dancers.  The music was just too perky and generic ballet, the end could be so good and creepy!  The man tights, perhaps a little too tight.  And some fluff dancing there in the middle.

So all JAN and I have to learn is how to write classical music, sew, and ballet choreography.  But I swear when we're done, we'll like a lot more.

Bagels

HAPPY HUG-A-FURLOUGH DAY!
Our own little Furlough was in good spirits last night, even though she was paying to be on vacation, people. I'm glad she felt we were worthy of her indefinite free time!

memories

I can't bring myself to take off the wedding day toenail polish! Mostly out of laziness, a little bit out of sentiment. Aaaand a little bit because TJ was disgusted at being able to see how much my nails have grown in two months - it's for better or worse, sucka!

Unpaid vacations are the worst kind of vacations

They shut down my work and I'm a little depressed.

Carcinogenic yam fries. I still ate 'em.

Why do websites keep telling me to cook things at 450 degrees?



But more importantly, why do I continue to listen and burn the shit out of everything?

Aunt Maggie to her daughter's boyfriend when he asks if she needs help in the kitchen

"Please find the smallest tomato in this bowl.

Now give it a name."

Mexico vanilla

JAN read us the story aloud in exchange for future cookies.

calling all lamewads, your ride is here.

[After BAB says what college dorm she was in]
"Wasn't that the abstinence hall?"
"Yes... but I didn't know going into it!"
[JAN chortling]
"And Julie, I remember you in class wearing your american flag bandana!"
[Stops chortling]
"Yeah, well... itwasverypatriotic..."



[bab and jan humbled & thinking, son of a bitch.]

A real friend cares

"I think I need to stop eating sugar right before bed."

"Oh man, I thought you were going to say you were going to stop eating sugar altogether and I was like, 'NOOOOOOO!!!'"

A laboratory blow dryer

lol

Look for the grease smudge

This is from when I went to check if I parked in the lines but forgot I had already rolled up my window.

doggy paddle

You know why Boulder is flooding so don't be so shocked - all the hobos that sleep in the gutters, blocking the sewer grates - it was practically foreboded in the Bible.

the majority of those guttersleepers are just history-major dropouts whose dad finally caught on that they never bought text books with all those checks and won't send them more money for weed so they're growing a beard and will refuse to cut it even for the family Christmas photo. 

Rain Day

I may be trapped in Ft. Collins due to "' Biblical' Flooding," but I got to go home from work early!

(It's currently pretty dang sunny)

bab: "We're closing at 11!"

jan: "You asshole!"

"I call dibs on the snout!"

Upon hearing there was to be a pig-roast, JAN claimed the snout for herself.
Upon calling the pig snout for herself, JAN immediately regrets calling the pig snout.

the candy aunt can

I'm on a quest to find awesome candy that I will always have in my pockets or purse for my niece! I'm an aunt now, world! And i don't ever remember my aunts having awesome candy waiting for me in their pockets. Probably because i was the last of the cousins and they had spent their wad on the older bunch. I do have one really early memory of my aunt pulling me in a raft along the shallow ocean shoreline, and then a wave came and capsized the boat and i got trapped under it for a while. My aunt felt pretty terrible and carried me back to the house & I made sure to cry the whole way, probably because i was so pissed off. Candy would have greatly altered the outcome and my recollection of the event. Even now, I'm still pissed about all that saltwater I gobbled.

I vow never to almost drown my niece and not have penitence in the form of candy readily available.

Notorious flight almost-missers

My dad was worried we wouldn't wake up in time for our flight to FL.
   JAN told him to slap me and it would wake us both up.
He asked how hard he should slap me (through giggles), she promptly replied, "Medium to hard."

That sign to the right says "No Stopping" and I'll admit, we were nearly stopped, hehe!

Eat more salad

it really helps clean the pipes.

best chapter title ever

I'd tell you who Jenkins is and how he ruined her childhood, but you should probably just do yourself a favor and read about it on your own. Thanks, Robyn for recommending the funniest book ever, you jerk. How are Bab & I supposed to compete with this? It makes my childhood trauma story of making the whole school smell like skunk seem like a gd fun day at the zoo & I'm just sore because I didn't get a snowcone. The whole time I'm laughing, i'm also cursing her under my breath.