Thinking it through.

This time of year, first you get your beer, then you get your pizza.

It's Friday!

I'm most excited about the superbowl because 

I get to hang out with this squeaker.

BOOM!

"Isn't it kind of amazing that there hasn't been another nuclear bomb used by anyone?"
"Yea. We're still the only assholes."

Mom The Dream Crusher

Scene: Eating a bowl of noodles lunch at the Noodles restaurant.  I tell my mom that maybe I'd like to make pottery dishes someday and she bursts out laughing.

"It's just that pottery is so hard and you'll have to pay $100 to ship because it will be so heavy!" 

hahahahahahahahahahaha

"Fine.  But repeat my dream back to me without laughing."  

"You're going to make. Hehehehehehe pottery heh dishes." hahaha

"Again."  

"I can't do it!"

whozits and whatzits galore

Our shell searching haul from Mexico!
Bab was surprised I even bothered to grab these during the drunken morning rush to pack our suit cases and catch the bus.
Doesn't bab know me at all?!
I'd miss a plane before I'd leave my boodle!

Happy Birthday, sweet baby

[After hiking 20 yards in the wind, only to stop behind a rock and drink whiskey, then head back home]

"I'm glad we know when to say when."
"With alcohol?"
"With hiking."

We love you Robbie!

Glad we got to spend the day

watching your mad scooter skillz

and eating fried pickles.

It's Friday!

May you nap in someone's arms and simultaneously cause them to fall woefully in love with you.

in the future, everything's turning up BAB

"So, Babzz..."
"Just one 'z'."
"Right. Babz... how does it feel? One minute you're picking potatoes, the next you've sold a 100,000 copies of your debut album!"
"Well Ryan Seacrest, it feels pretty damn good."
"Tell me, how did you come up with the lyrics for your hit song?"
"Funny story, really. I was on a vacation to Mexico and after a week of enduring hot sticky skin, we were all pretty chaffed in the thighs and nethers. As we headed to the airport I noticed everyone in the group was cowboy-walking."
"And so, you wrote and choreographed Everybody's Cowboy-Walkin'? and now the whole world is doing it."
"Yes, it's very catchy."
"It's amazing you could turn something terrible, like chaffed tenders, into such a form of energy."
"Yes. I amaze myself sometimes."

3rd Grader Kicks My Ass in Mexico Story-telling

"Did you have fun in Mexico, Silas?"
  "Yeah."  
"Did you snorkel?"
  "Yup, and we saw big sea turtles!"
(Big whoop, we saw baby sea turtles)

"And we went to a monkey sanctuary, where we went in the cages and a monkey sat on my lap and groomed my head."

SCENE: BAB got stung by jelly fish. Refuses offers to be peed upon.

"I'll pee on myself if I have to."

"There's no place a handstand can't reach!"

Bam

I rapped Fresh Prince of Bel Aire and then she fell asleep in my arms and then my heart burst into 1000 pieces and then she woke up and then we hugged for a little while.

"Nothing cuter than a little baby with tattoos."

My sister told me that Colin Kaepernick was adopted and Dad told me how.

Jeans!

They're pretty cool because your vacation rashes and bug bites are covered, but softly itched.

The other plus is no leg chafing.

it's friday!

Here's your weekly dose of oh-my cuteness!

Sayonara Sayulita

Although it's nice being allowed to flush tp down the toilet, we miss Mexico! We miss not needing chapstick every 2 minutes. We miss morning margs. We miss churro carts and shower beers and whale spouts and stray dogs named Pedro and sunwarmed skin and getting to have quiet mornings and pal-around all-damn-day time. Vacation withdrawls.

yo quiero mexico!

Vacation to Mexico!!

My mom predicts that I'll be bringing home a local.  

I guess I'd take a professional athlete. 

The Brits sure do love Laura Linney

auld lang

Happy New Year! Here's to you and your bffl - the one who you can't look directly in the eye on your wedding day or during Little Women after Beth dies, or else you'll start the completely unbecoming weep-laugh, from which there is no return.

Come on, 2014, we're gonna rock you like a hurricane.

"The sky IS pretty cool." - tj

"Reflective dots trap and reflect all your body heat back to you and shields you from Mars-rover radiowaves"

It keeps you so warm because it's so full of bullshit.



Merry Grinchmas!

JAN's what you might call Opposite-of-the-Grinch.  She looves Christmas and we all benefit!  

I suggest everyone find themselves a little Who from Whoville.

Watching The Cosby Show

JAN would be proud and laughing along with me.

Potential memoir title

Uh, Is My Fly Down?

Incidentally, also a race horse

That's no moon, it's a space station!

"Bab and I have agreed this is a Fat mirror. So if your hips look extra wide, don't feel bad."
"What's a fat mirror?"
"You know, like how sometimes mirrors make you look skinnier? or fatter than you really are? It refracts differently or something."
"No. I've never noticed that."
"Well... this is a fat mirror."


Oh to be a dude and not know what it is to be a teenage girl spending hours infront of a mirror.

It's that time of year

So get her what she wants.

The blood diamond.

People who work with kids for a living are saints because 3rd graders are

(scary monsters)

merry and bright

Somebody's happy it's Friday!

Me too, girlfriend.

What's that phrase?

You should stick to the written word because you do not have a voice for radio.

freezes the teeth and the boogers

I took one breath of the air, and it made me cough and stung my buckys.

smudged memories

Bab incorrectly told her mom I wouldn't want the lens-smudge wedding pictures when I have all the professional photographer pictures. But, bab's mom knew I didn't have a picture of the photographer taking a picture. And she is right! (Although, my one rule for wedding photos was to not take any of my double chin and here they are, ignoring that one blasted rule). Plus, I had so many tears in my eyes that weekend, everything looked a little smudgy. It's the smudges that make the moments so smudgy-wonderful.

Thanks for the sweet snapshots, Toni!

I forgot to summon my eagle powers

Just like Silencio, I bruised my bunions, at zumba, and now they are swollen real hard.

she's bringing the ham

Here's a little Wednesday cheer!

And i just realized I hadn't even put up any pictures of my favorite baby! Which is extra crazy because I look through them every day! She's so awesome.

Pen name: Joan Riviera

I think JAN should be  a romance novel writer.  When her characters get to a steamy part, it could be exactly that - Steamy.

He gazed deeply into her deep brown eyes and the room got all steamy.  Who knows exactly what happened?  Maybe they were in there hugging for 30 minutes.  

Those boots were made for layin around & wiggling

This is what happens when Aunt BAB and JAN change your diaper and dress you: you pee all over yourself and you come out looking like you're going hunting in the sugar plum fairy's forrest and then joining a rodeo for babies. oh man, a baby rodeo would be so cute! She'll wrestle a baby cow but really, they'll just cuddle and share a bottle of milk.

Nut crackers

A good way to annoy your husband: sit around all morning and eat peanuts with your girlfriends. We were recovering from a hard night! Robbie made us see a 12 hour movie about a slave who escaped slavery, only to be tricked back into it! So then we had to drown our cry-headaches with lots and lots of beer. Thus the reason we were laying around at 10am, munching on a big bag of nuts (No she didn't!). It couldn't be helped.

"This bag of peanuts was only $3.99!"
"Are they elephant grade?"

In good time

Being that we were eating Little Ceasar's pizza and drinking beer at the time of this photograph, chances are good that we will eventually be Curves customers.

J.H.H. after being crashed into for the 3x

"The most insulting thing is that the drivers always seem so relieved when they see what a piece of crap my car is."

Jay! We have the same shoes! I buy in the men's section because i have wide, amazonian feet.

home improvements

We broke and replaced our waterheater in one day! Boo ya. You can tell i'm pretty proud of him and his Al Borland skillz, especially if you were at that bonfire party this weekend when I stood infront of 10 people I didn't know and bragged about the whole thing, quite possibly shouted it. In my defense, TJ is awesome and brag-worthy. And those people needed to know it.

In contrast to JAN's nutso week,

mine was about the Zen of making tiny bubbles in a very breakable glass chip.

I sent those Denver kids chill vibes while cutting and fastening 0.8mm tubes into place.

the cat's meowww

This 4-day week was a doozy. I'm glad it's Friday so I can finally get down. In my warm ducky-fleece pajamas and watch some damn Disney movies. It's not a fun night when you have to pick your good friend up from the hospital and realize you're not the best in panic situations. Actually, I am the best - at panicking, manifested in the form of shakeylegs. And it's a heartbreaking morning spent cleaning his blood off the back door, knowing how scary and painful and effed up it all was. But! He's OK! You could have done worse, Phil. And we're so glad you didn't. The world needs the good-hearted ones, even if they have a few shorter fingers. Plus, chicks dig scars.

I'm not even mad i didn't get the pizza dinner I had been looking forward to all the livelong day, that's  how much I like ol' Philly mouskawitz!

Typical

I'm always hearing, "That newborn baby is actually very cute, not ugly and squished like newborns usually are!"

But who's the idiot going around saying, "That's your typical newborn human baby: squished and ugly." ?

The dangers of not having a microphone

Out of a group of 7 peeps, you're lucky if 1 hears your jokes.  

Oh man, it's worse if you're with a dude and a television because you're chances slide to 0.001%, which sucks because soccer offers up so many opportunities for laughs.  

i live for these cookies

BAB's dad couldn't tell that this batch of sugar cookies were cowboy hats. Which is crazy because I'm pretty sure Clint Eastwood sported a hat just like this in one of those spaghetti movies.

i wish my phone had photoshop.

Survival of the fittest tangerine

51 seeds.

how original!

It would be especially fun to be black during Halloween, you could just dress up in all the typical costumes, but the Black version. It's always, always the better version.
"What's that?"
"I'm black Dorothy!"

no, kitty, that's meh potpie

Robbie:  Brittany reminded me you're allergic to cat hair, so I vacuumed the carpets and couch twice!
JAN:  Thanks!
BAB: You are allergic to cats, aren't you?
JAN:  No.

Get your iodine

JAN eating a sheet of seaweed.

Peace Train