2.16.2018

Team Bonding

He is watching hockey.
I am watching a someone make
a miniature keylime pie.

To each his own!


2.15.2018

Milk Mamas Cahoots


Yay (S) Korea!


I never thought I'd be rooting for Korea! Oh Yun Sung Bin, I don't know what I like better: your Ironman helmet or your Korean fanclub! Oh wait, yes I do: your butt.

2.14.2018

My funny valentine.


Bab asked what us lovebirds were doing
for Valentine's Day.
I told her we were going to bed at 8pm.
It's 8:30p & i am no shit writing this
from under the covers.

TJ did bring home pho & 
a surprise avocado boba,
so the love still is a'burnin.

2.13.2018

Somebody done turnt into a babe!

I love the Olympics
and Shaun White,
the 31 year old version.
He is the same age as me!
Crap.
I guess 3 gold medals is 
comparable to squeezing
a human head out of your vageen.

2.12.2018

Olympics 2018, Pyeongchang!

Bob Costas is no more.
British people are hosting the USA NBC recaps.
Is nothing sacred?!

I just heard my first Morgan Freeman-narrated commercial, so I guess ALL is not lost.

We call her monkey, because she has hair that makes her look like a monkey.

 I changed the words of Yankee Doodle
to sing to Sloan, but I always got stuck after "Monkey Doodle went to town, riding on a banana..." Then last night TJ solved the rhyming conundrum, like some sort of poet. I am remiss I didn't come up with it. It is beautiful in it's simplicity.
Monkey Doodle went to town
riding on a pony
stuck a banana in his pants
and called it a big boney.

I had a bebe gurl. And then a guiness.

 
 Bab brought heaps of candy.
The perfect gift.

 TJ tells the birth story like 
an exciting tale of adventure & wonder.
I reserve the retelling for around a campfire, a spooky tale of fear & warning.

She came swiftly & was loved immediately.
Breastfeeding blindsided me with its difficulty. Caring for another human being
was life altering & fragile for a while.
It has taken me months & quitting my job
to chill out.
Now, me & her... we chill.

But along the way, she continues
to be awesome. And so damned cute.




2.11.2018

7.29.17

This is BAB.
She is driving me to meet up with my husband.
She is driving because I am in labor.
She is driving because she loves me.
She is my ambulance.
The sun is setting over the mountains & even though my life is about to change drastically & be crazy crazy for a few months, I feel protected & peaceful & in love.
We both cry a little for our own reasons.
BAB delivers me safely to TJ's arms.

7.07.2017

9 months

Lookin like a goddess,
the ones made out of clay
that you bury in the dirt.

7.04.2017

New knowledge

I didn't know a salad could be good without cheese!

6.25.2017

Prairie dog field

"Look at all those tiny bottles.  The prairie dogs around here are terrible drunks."
 - The boss



The best one


5.03.2017

Waiting around in a parking lot

"Want a pretzel?"
"Are those from the floor of the car?"
"Yeah, but I just spilled them there this morning."
[He takes & eats pretzel]


4.19.2017

Cheese block

Cheddar in a home that only houses two 56 year old people.  

My new roommate, Jeff.

I like to call him "sugar baby" because it's not annoying.
And I like him because he once woke up with a candy wrapper stuck to his back.  

Nelson 4 Prez


4.17.2017

Easter

When you have your own mountain
you have your own Easter sunrise service
immediately followed by
eggo waffles.

4.14.2017

"What you are about to do, do quickly."

Did Judas go to heaven?
No! Well, betrayal isn't the same 
as lack of faith. So... maybe. 
hope Judas is in heaven.
Yeah, me too.



4.07.2017

"I'm gonna slip you a little Gil between your Boggs!" - ballet director Gil Boggs

It was supposed to be
The Little Mermaid Ballet
based on Hans Christian Andersen's 
tale of woe. 
What it was? 
Offbroadway Disney on ice, 
no ice, no skates.
From the mind of director Gil Boggs,
who also narrated the whole 
dismal plot, was a "ballet."
I haven't laughed that hard in a long long time.

"Oh look, a sea cucumber!" 
-  3 drinks Noil


"I don't know, Gil. This seems an aweful lot like a Disney version knockoff..."
"No! It's the Gil Twist!" 
- 4 drinks Bab

4.04.2017

New neighborhood views on my morning drive to work

Yesterday.

And, today.

Mountain livin' be trippin'.

3.31.2017

Zen

Sometimes lunchtime "pregnancy yoga" is when you nap under your desk & feel your bebé doin' kickies.

3.24.2017

The monkey's your uncle.

Remember how sometimes you fall asleep but jolt-freak yourself awake because you feel like you are falling & some scientists believe that's because your evolved cells are remembering back to a time when you were a monkey & were falling out of a tree?

BaaaaaaHAHAHA!

Good one, "science."

But, how do you explain my lack of instinct to fling my own poop when I am mad?

3.23.2017

Yore


"I can't believe there's a baby 
in your belly.
Remember in Iceland,
when that's all we wanted?"
"Yes."

3.20.2017

Gotta love me!

21 weeks! Baby takes a little sip of the bathtub water (amniotic fluid) every day, just to practice swallowing! I can feel when it kicks and somersaults and curls up in a ball. I am in love thinking of Baby just hangin out in there, all like:

3.14.2017

Yup

"That Disney movie where Robin Hood is a fox. When you were little, did you think he was handsome? And then, like, your crotch gets a headache?"
- Kimmy Schmidt

3.13.2017

Same dude, everybody.

We were shocked that we had to explain this to Toni B (being that he's her most favorite actor out there).
Might I add that he is a Babe.



Her paraphrased words, "You have to see Marigold Hotel and, just remember, it is beauuutifull."

Meet Don Cheagle

My would-be chihuahua-beagle mix.

3.10.2017

I went home sick because my sinus pressure is making my teeth hurt & theraflu is off limits when you have a tiny human in your belly.

"Bob Ross, he was my uncle."
"Bullshit."
[- 1996 conversation with 5th grade classmate whose uncle very well could have been Bob Ross, but I wasn't about to be hearin' any of that jazz.]

3.09.2017

You're lucky I'm already pregnant.

Teej,
Remember last night
when it was bedtime
but you let us stay up late
to watch videos 
of the baby
 pygmy hippo?
I was so in love with you
& the way you giggled
when it walked or laid down or
ate hay
& confessed to me,
"It's TOO cute."
sigh, 
j.


3.08.2017

Birthdayz

By a wonderful turn of events wherein Bab's boyfriend gets the exact day of her birth wrong, I got to spend the for-real birth day with Bab yet again! 10 years running. Like Dwayne The Rock Johnson, true love can't stop won't stop.
Happy Birthday, Beebz! Thanks for letting me sip your boozy drink.

3.03.2017

Geedub

If the world seems a little much right now, just know that somewhere out there GW is painting portraits. And they are quite wonderful.

He was an idiot sometimes,
but he wasn't a trumpeting asshole.

2.23.2017

Road trip experiences

"If there's anything  people want it's to have their car washed by bunch of aggressive 8th grade boys."
- Brent