"Who does this guy think he is??

He looks like an asian John Lennon."

"Oh, the headline says it's Sean Lennon."


Mostly cause the gay jokes

I would call jan and me the 'Poor Man's Oprah and Gayle'


What a waste of a nice face.

My guess is some big-eared nerd taught Gerard Butler an American accent because he sure sounds like one.



and it makes me happy because she reports things, such as this:

"I was able to tell them, 'Yes, even though she has a boyfriend I am proud to say I still call her my best friend. Our friendship hasn't changed.' I didn't say,
 'I still love her with all my heart.' Like I wanted to."


Thank you, Lady Who Put on Your Hazard Lights,

for immediately turning them off after it made me stop riding your tail. 



WTF? (Why the face?)

Mom: Why are you guys running?
Us: We're being chased.
Mom: By who?!
Us: Just kidding. We're just trying to catch the sunset.


Livin like an outlaw

I'd like to thank all the young punks at my gym because you let me get in for the last 2 months even though my profile was "inactive."  I finally got busted.

I had a great time.  You're all beautiful.


I'm thinking about saying "sexting" instead of "texting."
   Just to check out the public reaction.  You know, for giggles.


I've been saying it wrong for years.

It's not a "modge podge" of things, it's a "hodge podge."
     not to mention it's not even "modge podge" but "mod podge."

but I must admit "modge podge" is fun to say and use incorrectly.


Ratatouille. Not as cute in real life.

My cousin found a mouse in his basement and it wasn't an isolated incident.

He caught 53 mice in all.
Which I believe is called a colony.



"Come on, Phil. These kids aren't gonna shoot themselves."

Did I feel bad sniping the small child at laser tag?

No. His defensive tactics were poorly devised.

Did I feel bad as I proceeded to take out his own father before his very eyes?

War is war, people. I make no appologies.

Although, if I had a do-over, I would have kept the Indian-war-cries to a minimum.

"Any one of those kids could be the future Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, and I better teach them like it." -Eleanor Roosevelt

JAN starts her new job tomorrow, teaching the youth of America and I hope many things for her.

1. Good students, but not teacher's pet kind of students.
2. Lunch at a decent hour, nobody should have to teach through noon.
3. A cool principle who understands that her form of punishment (getting the callouses off her feet with her ped egg) works better than simple detention.
4. But Mostly Safe landings of all her jokes.

Good Luck, pal!
Teach those m-effers that Ralph represents human beings’ civilizing instinct, as opposed to the savage instinct that Jack embodies!



Resolution: to resolve more mysteries

1/1/11 I ate black eyed peas today, like a Jew on Rosh Hashanah.   
Feeling lucky already.