sooo depressed.


i think i bruised my left butt bone.  it's too difficult to speculate how it happened.


and then there were two...

looks like it's going to be another
Mark Wahlberg Summer.

(in other words - Badass.)

We Represent The Lollipop Guild

Today was a great day for our kind. I feel we can best express ourselves in the form of a song.


Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch dead. She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.



The truth is... I am Iron Man.

How did we forget this past week? Because of this, mostly. Go big or go home is what we always say. Some of us went a little too big and went home and puked. See picture below.

that's ol' pukey lying there in my bed. i dragged her cold dead body home because she made me promise to. and because i love her.

Julie and I were forced to hold hands out of fear tonight when we walked to the five points in Denver.  We looked at some bullet holes in a window and a flood light made me jump.


if we don't blog it means we're depressed.

or dead.


no place to hide

Today I did an intervention on B. I jumped out from behind the door & yelled "Intervention!"
I think it worked, she totally wasn't expecting it.
Then we watched Toy Story I. We were going to watch Toy Story II, but there wasn't enough time.


dear diary.

brittany and i just had the best nap in the world on the fold-out. you know it was a good one when you wake up and are very hot.

bye for now,


I know what's what

Julie says she has to stay up late because she's "working on a project" but I know it's for her nightly Secret of Nimh meeting.


eh, comrade?

I read today that the Danes are the happiest people on Earth followed closely by the Swiss.
My thoughts:
Great Dane dogs are cool.  Swiss cheese is delicious.
Is the key to happiness Socialism?  Will I be blacklisted for writing this?


Dedicated to the memory of Jeff Berens. May he rest in peace... so that he will be able to stay awake for our tri-date tomorrow night

Who do we love? JEFF BERENS!
Why do we love him? Oh, a number of reasons really.
I shall put them in numeric order nah:
  1. he has a beard
  2. he has done 5 Tuesday night beers
  3. he has a giggle that will warm the hearts of frozen dead guys
  4. he can stick shift like it’s nobody’s business (which it isn’t, so mind your own)
  5. he can eat sunflower seeds without ever using his fingers
  6. he belongs to a fraternity disguised as a sorority
  7. he is usually clothed
  8. he met tulowitzki
  9. he’s not afraid to hit a girl
  10. he once took an ambulance ride for a sprained ankle
  11. he has a lot of friends, including two really pretty ones
  12. he knows everything there is to know about chinchillas
  13. he once defended a small tribal village in the jungles of brazil using only a spear fashioned from a branch and his own brutish strength
  14. he lets people puke in his bed
  15. he is not fat
  16. he lets you rub his face
  17. he once killed a man and then brought him back to life, just to teach him a lesson about the evils of nudey websites
  18. funny as shit on crutches
  19. he is always looking out for his nuts, i’m sure they appreciate it, as do his unborn children
  20. he likes country music
  21. he doesn’t believe in pro-choice, but he likes the taste of tender babies
  22. he knows a good "that’s what she said" joke when he hears one
  23. he IS wisdom
  24. he was able to resist the J.T.T. craze of 1994
  25. he was willing to share his mother’s womb with two others
  26. he is always willing to help two retards get a canoe.

On another note, we got a canoe. We christened it ‘Jeff.’


Food for thought

I had this journal prompt I wanted to test on B. I asked her to describe the place she grew up in three words.

She said, "Puke, HIGH, journal."

Then I asked her to describe her heaven in three words.

She said, "Puke, HIGH, journal."

What's interesting about this is that when I asked her to then compare the two, she had difficulty. Brittany asked me the same questions and I said, "Hot, sweaty, black." and "Moderate temperature, not sweaty, white" respectively.

In conclusion, we are both retarded and racist, respectively.