Fish and Friends

 My chums. In both meanings of the word.
We had to watch "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" in preparation,
and we all agreed Jiro would kick us out of his restaurant before 
we could even say, "Oh, herro Jiro!"

First name: Fluffy.

I fell in love on Thanksgiving. Can you blame me? 
PS. I secretly changed his name, 
even though I was specifically told not to :)


Take me back!

Ewan McGreggor wasn't impressed.
We were impressed.

Mint Essence

I thought I was strong, but I'm not.
          And neither is my enamel.
I'm back on Sensodyne.


Baby Precious

Watch out world!

because when I get a dog, things are going to get obnoxious.

Not special

Usually when people mention that they cleaned up their facebook friends, so "if you see this message you should feel special because you're still my friend,"

I think "If I ever cleaned up my list, I doubt I'd keep them." 


"Believe it or not, TJ, but Bab & I ate quite a few of these little fudge sundaes in college."

"I know.  I saw you guys after college."


Makes me laugh pretty hard

"I told Ryan about having my eyes dilated at zumba and wanting to wear sunglasses and he laughed and said I'd be the blind girl and I was like, "That was our plan!  My friend was going shout directions to me the whole time.  And then give me wrong instructions and I'd have to do it because I was supposed to be blind."


Look Takeru, please don't take a wonderful American pastime like an eating contest and turn it into a muscle driven sport.

No sir, this is about a passion for food, definitely not six packs.

Tea for me

Everytime I pour my afternoon tea for myself in my lonesome office, I remember to show a little wrist, just like my geisha grandma taught me.


Where's the bag?

"These garnishes are delicious!"

- poor people eating at a very fancy restaurant


My kind of lingerie.

Adult onesies sound adorable. Especially when I imagine how sweaty my feet would get within the first 10 seconds and how I'd give myself a wedgie everytime I sat down and how I'd have to pee through the suit because the shitty zipper wouldn't come down in time.

So adorable. I might just have to go back to Target and make the purchase!

A very powerful gift

I would say that I have a single gift and it's one-liners.  You need a quick birthday shout-out?  You come to me, I'll give ya one.  One for the books.

JAN has gifts too, like writing poetic, heartfelt, honest prose.  But it doesn't bring out the lol's in people, more like tears of joy.  overrated.


[JAN and BAB reminisce]

"Some of my worst memories of middle and high school involved Truth or Dare."
"Same. I dare you to drink this egg yoke and whiskey!"
"Truth! I said Truth!"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?"
"Dare! I said Dare!"
"Heh. Yup. The one party I was ever invited to was in 8th grade and everyone wanted to play Truth or Dare and I just sat on the couch and said I said wasn't playing... And I was very glad I didn't because they made a dog hump a girl." 


I never rush into anything

How can people just run into their bowl?

JAN and BAB on common ground with TJ

"Yeah, those dumb motorcycle videos are pretty entertaining.  You and I just love documentaries of any kind."


Stop right there.

"This slow cooked bacon is exquisite."
"Stop. You had me at 'exquisite'."

Love your Veteran Day

My grandpa is the tall drink of water 2nd from the left. That generation produced a lot of noble soldiers. And really good grandpas.


Later, he gave permission for me & Bab to tag along, as the sherpas.

"See, Bab needs to marry someone just like me."
"Why? So the four of us can go on the motor cyle trip together and torture eachother?"
"No! So we can go on the motor cycle trip and you and Bab can just stay home and read books."
"Well, that's what we've been dreaming about forever, but all your friends turned out to be real chumps."

Are you aware that I am rubber, and you are glue?

Bab and I were a little concerned last night when we couldn't think of what we would say to the punk kids who were mocking our every aquasize move from the window. What the heck could we say to those brats that would hit 'em where it counts?

In hindsight, flipping them the bird was probably enough.


On this Wednesday, the day after the Presidential Election

the nation was tired.  Everybody I talked to today was tired, including me.

Silken, like that of a Chinese man.

"That's Hulk Hogan's signature look: blonde Chinese hair, and skin of a hot dog." 

- the gang

I think we should just all try to be a little more like Elmo.

Just love the crap out of everything.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge.

If we were really hanging off a cliff, Bab would have been just fine with her frankenstein finger strength. But, I would have plummeted almost immediately.


Amendment 64 "Freedom Doobies" Passed

And somewhere inside my father, this guy
 is saying, "Far out."

Be grateful, Juan Pablo. For today, it's especially delcious. Mira.

The vegetable attack is over! I'm allowed to eat delicious food till my heart's content. And with a little pork chops, cheese, rice, wine, and potatoes au gratin, my heart was very very very content.

I'm not even going to tell you we only could do 7 days of vegetable cleanse. Or how the last shake I drank made me gag. Or how our poops hardly stink. I'm not even going to tell you.


"I should eat this jelly belly because there are people out there who aren't allowed."

I am so glad JAN's veggie days are over so I can stop sympathy eating.

Art me.

I take photos for this blog, for example, this one.  In which I depict the Halloween Candy I pre-saved for myself.  

Shoulda known my peeps were of the Texas Roadhouse varietay.

It's hard to spend the morning trying to plan a ballin' office Christmas party, only to find out that it has to be during lunch hours, there is no budget for it, people like to keep it informal, and try to find something with a coupon.

I wish I hadn't already rented my white tuxedo!

I'll meet their demands, but I will NOT be enthused or paying with cash.


He gives me chills every Sunday morning

When I accidentally pause on this channel long enough to hear his terrible grandma-forwarded-me-this-once-in-an-email joke, a creepy shudder runs through my waking bones. A genuine Hank Hill shudder.



A treat.

Oh my wicked goodness.
She's totally destined to be in Hufflepuff.


Tis the bday season!

Happy Birthday to my sister, Nitch! 
My first best friend.

I miss the days of "Barbie" birthdays; something I GET.

It's dangerous to go to a birthday party where the theme is "Pretentious" because what you assume is just people playing the role of pretentious party-goers, is actually just people being themselves and they don't like when you point and shout out across the room that HEY! [WE'RE WEARING THE] SAME GLASSES! Because their's actually have lenses and they paid big bucks to look like Truman Capote, and you bought yours at the Dollar store. Then things get really awkward when you say "Pretentious!" when they hand you their business card and the way they pause then continue to speak as though you hadn't makes you realize they're just handing you their business card. I was like a monkey hanging out with penguins.


I am not a fan of "Personal Challenges"

While it gives us tons to talk about, I feel for my little friend, Julie, who has been challenging herself to eat the simple foods.  As in the foods that don't provide tons of filling nutrients and leave one "tired" and "cranky."  

I'm allowing her to be a baby about it because her challenge is real, not like, "Not watching porn is so difficult!" 

What you can't hear is the blaring emergency exit siren.

We all got to celebrate not drowning at swim lessons by going to Old Macky D's. Don't believe the frowny face - he was having a good time. Soon, he won't even be able to fit through those tunnels.
Because he'll be fat fat fat. Heh! Just kidding. Please excuse Uncle Julie. She has only had straight up vegetables and fruit today.