"I told Ryan about having my eyes dilated at zumba and wanting to wear sunglasses and he laughed and said I'd be the blind girl and I was like, "That was our plan! My friend was going shout directions to me the whole time. And then give me wrong instructions and I'd have to do it because I was supposed to be blind."
Adult onesies sound adorable. Especially when I imagine how sweaty my feet would get within the first 10 seconds and how I'd give myself a wedgie everytime I sat down and how I'd have to pee through the suit because the shitty zipper wouldn't come down in time.
So adorable. I might just have to go back to Target and make the purchase!
"Some of my worst memories of middle and high school involved Truth or Dare."
"Same. I dare you to drink this egg yoke and whiskey!"
"Truth! I said Truth!"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?" "Dare! I said Dare!"
"Heh. Yup. The one party I was ever invited to was in 8th grade and everyone wanted to play Truth or Dare and I just sat on the couch and said I said wasn't playing... And I was very glad I didn't because they made a dog hump a girl."
"See, Bab needs to marry someone just like me."
"Why? So the four of us can go on the motor cyle trip together and torture eachother?"
"No! So we can go on the motor cycle trip and you and Bab can just stay home and read books."
"Well, that's what we've been dreaming about forever, but all your friends turned out to be real chumps."
Bab and I were a little concerned last night when we couldn't think of what we would say
to the punk kids who were mocking our every aquasize move from the
window. What the heck could we say to those brats that would hit 'em
where it counts?
In hindsight, flipping them the bird was probably enough.
It's hard to spend the morning trying to plan a ballin' office Christmas party, only to find out that it has to be during lunch hours, there is no budget for it, people like to keep it informal, and try to find something with a coupon.
I wish I hadn't already rented my white tuxedo!
I'll meet their demands, but I will NOT be enthused or paying with cash.
When I accidentally pause on this channel long enough to hear his terrible grandma-forwarded-me-this-once-in-an-email joke, a creepy shudder runs through my waking bones. A genuine Hank Hill shudder. BbuUhuh.
It's dangerous to go to a birthday party where the theme is
"Pretentious" because what you assume is just people playing the role
of pretentious party-goers, is actually just people being themselves and they
don't like when you point and shout out across the room that HEY! [WE'RE
WEARING THE] SAME GLASSES! Because their's actually have lenses and they paid
big bucks to look like Truman Capote, and you bought yours at the Dollar store.
Then things get really awkward when you say "Pretentious!"
when they hand you their business card and the way they pause then continue
to speak as though you hadn't makes you realize they're just handing you
their business card. I was like a monkey hanging out with penguins.
While it gives us tons to talk about, I feel for my little friend, Julie, who has been challenging herself to eat the simple foods. As in the foods that don't provide tons of filling nutrients and leave one "tired" and "cranky."
I'm allowing her to be a baby about it because her challenge is real, not like, "Not watching porn is so difficult!"
We all got to celebrate not drowning at swim lessons by going to Old Macky D's. Don't believe the frowny face - he was having a good time. Soon, he won't even be able to fit through those tunnels.
Because he'll be fat fat fat. Heh! Just kidding. Please excuse Uncle Julie. She has only had straight up vegetables and fruit today.