Pocket Mantra: YOU ARE NOT FIRED

Abbi Jacobson wrote a book
& even just the amazon preview
 is making me lolz.
Guess who carries this crap
in his suit pockets?

Answer: DJ Trump & yes, the Broad City dvds
would make a wonderful birthday gift for me



"What's up? My name is Abbi.
I'm gonna be your trainer today.

This is a joke shirt."


Friday ♡

Last night I slept (if you can call it that) in a bed alone & left my mouth open & somewhere in the night every drop of moisture evaporated from my tongue. It was unpleasant to overcome & has started my day off weird. I say all this only to tell you how happy I am that tonight is crafting & guiness/pumpkick & slumber party night.

This weekend I hope you
fall asleep
with your head on a pillow
& your BFFL by your side.
And if your mouth should dare to
fall open, may someone 
gently shut your trap.

Happy Friday.


"I wish Corbin was here!"

His Grandma is always looking out for cool bugs for that guy.

Merry Christmas ladies!

And Kevin, because he thought the movie had a pretty good plot.


Sorry for the glare

This is a picture of Uncle circa 1977.  He rocked a natural red afro (no perm needed) and the ball cap is pure fashion.  

He's also known as one of JAN's many boyfriends.


That lump is Tiny napping at book club.  

In her defense we DID start drinking 4 different kinds of sangria at noon. 

The best thing I've done at work all week.


We're pretty clear what you stand for.

Best funny sister

Pok√©mon GO  

A girl & her mouse

A picture for you to briefly rest in knowing that somewhere out there, in this messed up world, there is a little girl holding a hamster on a swing and they are swaying themselves to sleep.

Together, they overcome the world.


Surprise Surprise

The beet yogurt was not good.



My pa is flying to Africa
as I pen this
for the 3rd time in his life.
And he is not taking Lil'Bobby!
Safe travels, daddy-o. 
You are one cool cat.

Let us head in to the weekend
with a little advice from Shakira:

Listen to your God, this is our motto.
Your time to shine, don't wait in line
y vamos por todo...
Today's your day, I feel it.
You paved the way, believe it.
If you get down get up, oh oh.
When you ge down get up, eh eh.
Tsamina mina zangalewa.
This time for Africa.


Secretary of Apparently Kickass Security

Oh the beautiful irony wherein self righteous dudes try to smokeout a lady about emails that could have been hacked on an unsecure server (although it is proving most difficult for them to find any evidence other than the fact that the server existed). Meanwhile, they type up their witchy burning thoughts and send it off via email that gets delivered right to our front door.

Give it a rest, chumps. The lady doesn't  kiss & tell.


He's just a 30 year old kid. Give him a break.

Wait... are we BACK to loving Ryan Lochte already?

It's been like, what, two whole minutes since he shamed our country infront of the entire world? Must be that tight body. And snow white skin.


And on the third day...they clapped.

My adorable cousin, Hannah, got her dream job at M.A.C.!  They paid for her to stay a week in Chicago for training AND gave her a per diem for food (a level of class we on JANandBAB will never reach).

With her mom and best friend, she packed her outfits, carefully planning each day to show her versatility.  Which was apparently worth it because day #1 everyone really liked her outfit!  Day #2 they all looked to see what she was wearing.  Day #3 they clapped as she came in. 

YAS Queen. 

We recently discovered JAN may have never watched Broad City Season 2!

The kind of show you don't watch with your parents, it's worse than Dawson's Creek and way more pervy and hilarious.


3 oh 3

This babygirl turns 3 this very day!

When Uncle TJ first saw her, he said she was beautiful, and I knew he meant it because I could see her reflection glowing in his eyes. Three days later we got to hold her, and she looked exactly like every baby picture I had ever seen of my oldest sister. What a crazy moment to hold the same baby you had come to know through photographs your whole life! Since then, she changes constantly, shockingly swift. She still makes us laugh, still takes our breath away with her curls, and still has the most kissable cheeks on the whole damned planet.

Happy birthday, squeaker!!


See ya in Tokyo!

"Pff, we could do THAT!" - a proclamation made by none other than Jan & Bab, was met with, "I will personally fund you for 4 years if you train and make it to the next Olympics as a synchronized swimming duo." - uh, thanks, Teej.

After 10 seconds of offended silence, we accepted the offer!!

We figure the first year of training will be figuring out how to do hair and makeup. Our routine will mostly be us pulling eachother around the pool, Bab gagging on water in her nose, Jan having an unsightly wedgie, lots of fart bubbles.

We have a lot to get done in 4 years!!! But, we can taste the gold medal. It tastes like blood.