bab's suggestion for relieving work-stress proved most effective

JAN's school of BB gun safety:
"Remember the first rule about shooting guns...
Have Fun!"

lucky day

Work peeps be cranky today! 
I'm glad I went to the river at lunch and found this riverglass! 
Riverglass is more rare than seaglass.
It can be distinguished from seaglass because
 it is found in the river's water,
unlike seaglass which is found in the sea's water.
After you take the glass from it's original location, it may be hard to distinguish between the two.
Maybe try licking them. A salty taste would indicate oceanic origins.


I assure you, these antlers are not mine

I was just informed it's a tree branch.

it really makes me wonder

It's the stairway.
You know, the one that lady was going to buy.
The stairway to... where was it going to?
Oh hell, I can't think of it.


"Voted most likely to turn water in to weed."

...and then the world fell a little more in love.

Thanks for making us stay up waaaay past our bedtime and giggle, Jimmy!


It's not SO bad to have a day that reminds you to be nice and tell people you love them, maybe we should do it the 14th of every month! Don't forget the candy.

Dear jan,
Thanks for making me hold a baby turtle.  And for being so kind.


my funny valentine

Dear BAB,
 Thanks for letting me lay my head in your lap 
and keeping watch when I got sleepy
 on our whale watching rock. 
I love ya, pal!
If I know what love is,
 it's because of you.
-Herman Hesse


Sympathy pain

This back wasn't built for hard labor, or even semi-hard labor like lifting 50 pounds of soil.  So I'll lay on the floor and cheer on the athletes, like all the others that bit it, but with a lot less honor.

Cupid's got me in a chokehold

You WISH your mom still brought you homemade cupcakes 
to share with your fourth grade classmates coworkers.

The Russki Stink Eye

I'd like to know who farted on Bob Costas' pillow?! He's THE face of the olympics!

Poor little face.


america's sweetheart

She always knows how to make it better 
when I'm feeling sad or sick.
I'll always believe those curls
are natural!


Girl, I don't wanna KNOW about your mild-mannered alter ego.

its not easy to be me - lame but relevant song from 2001

Sometimes it's hard to be funny. You always feel the pressure to make other people laugh, to say the intelligent things faster than the one other funny-but-not-original person in the room, to not laugh too hard at your own wit, to swiftly calculate the number of mormons in the room and the number of times your joke has a wiener euphemism and adjust accordingly. But what people don't understand is that Mondays are the worst, even for the funny person in the office. Like today, coworkers keep coming to my desk and standing there as if they're expecting a great joke about dijon mustard, but it's Monday! My eyes are just as red rimmed as yours. My motivation is also non existent. I'm just a lady trying to get her goddamn work done and go home. Sometimes I wonder how the world sees me? What is it about my face that makes them expect and demand hilarity? I fear I'll never know.

Turn around

Look it's cold out there, girl scout cookies are in, all our pants are already tight from lack of movement and everybody had a bad day last Tuesday.


Sometimes the obvious joke is the good one.

Like when JAN and I both said the sequel to 300 should be 301.

We are fans.  As evidenced by our love of the 6-pack, flesh and beer, as well as watching and liking the original at the cheap theater.


Hot Chocolate.

I never really loved it until peppermint Schnapps came along.



Olympics TONIGHT! Sure, the winter olympics aren't as hot as the summer games, but there's still a bunch of tiiight spandex - the only thing standing in your way is a thin layer of cloth and your imagination! So drink yourself a white Russian and eat some goat jerky and root for the world! 


Winter is terrible

A good chunk of this evening was spent throwing hot water on the ice build-up in my tire wheel well and whacking it with the ice scraper that the very same ice chunk broke in half earlier this week.

Where does the ice fly during this task?  That's right, in your eyes and mouth.


Stick with what reminds you of Sicily.

I went for Carlo Rossi jug again!  I planned on a box, but this was $5-7 cheaper AND 1L more!

Adventure is out there

My lunchtime walk in the freezing temperatures proved most delightful. I'd like to say I snuck up on these fellas, but it was the other way around.


"Hufflepuff, because I'd like to be near the kitchen."

"I forget my wand specifics, but it's a flexible one and I got to choose between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. I want to be in Ravenclaw, but I know in my heart that I am a Hufflepuff."
"I can't believe you chose Hufflepuff! And, I can. What if I'm in Slytherin? Please no."
"There's no way you'll be in Slytherin. And if you are, we'll still be friends. There's one question for your height and I almost put tall for my age because I WAS tall for my age at 11. But then I decided to go for my height now, which is a boring average. You'll be in Gryffindor and become too cool for me. Oh gosh, that's where you'll meet TJ, in the Gryffindor common room. And I'll be like Snape, but fatter and happier because I'm in Hufflepuff and not Slytherin."