"If you're only going to bring 1 car to tube down the poudre, you ought to park it at the bottom and walk to the top, therefore earning your ride."

"Or if you hitch a ride with 2 ladies, you should compliment their medium to good looks."

yeah... i just don't get it.

You know he thinks he's a real vampire.

In my mind, he died when Harry Potter IV ended.


hey good lookin'

Remember how the only person who thought Bode Miller did good in the Olympics was
Bode Miller?



So we used to play 20 Questions a lot when we were little and suffocating in the back of the van. There were 2 people we would ALWAYS "think" of to make the other guess. Every time. The 2 people were:

1) Larry Peirce
2) Michael Jackson

Larry was an obese Civil Engineer who became a family friend of sorts and broke most of our kitchen chairs. Michael Jackson was this crazy singer who wore a glove because he was missing a finger (a fact told to me by my older sisters. a fact i repeated to everyone i ever met. a fact that is a boldfaced lie). If you were the lucky SOB who got to think of Michael, the convo went exactly as follows:

"I'm thinking of a person."
"Is it a male or female?"
"I don't know... [giggle]"

We weren't very creative. But I'll be damned if it wasn't funny every. time.


oh no you didn't

Hey, Korea! How 'bout you quit threatening to bomb our coolest state? Not very ladylike.


[watching beach volleyball on digital TV]

"Where's Kerri Walsh?"
"That BABE?!"


Our Mistake

You know what's not a good idea? Running around at night in all black carrying around your household items, such as stereos and computers. Those cops will mistake you for burglars and take you right to the clink.


Who know who's a little jerk?

This guy.
He's always ditching Wendy for mermaids or Indians or Tinker Bell.


it's a paint-by-number

if brittany and i starred in Good Will Hunting, she'd play the role of matt damon because she's wicked smaht. and i'd be her dumb best friend ben affleck, because we all know how much i look like him and how i'm going nowhere.


let's smoke some weed

RU. FI. OHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh


share the love

A tale of deodorant:
Julie had this Secret deodorant that smelled of vanilla and Hawaii, I believe.  The scent was too much for her non-so-stinky pits.  She entrusted it to me.  I wore it with pride until I left it at my parents' house one weekend.  My mom then took it on her journey to Connecticut where she knew she would be stinky.  There, my cousin thought her mom bought it for her and was very excited at which point my mom knew it had to be left to those younger than us who enjoy fancy deodorant.  And there it remains, in Connecticut to bask in the pitts of  a 12 year old.  I'm sure it ran out on her in a week.  

My mom said it, not me.

"Even when you do get a boyfriend, he won't be as fun at family events as Julie.  You'll have to bring both!"
"When Julie starts dating that guy, she better not blow off our family because she has to hang out with him."

Best friend integration into family: Complete.

and i'm always like,"Who's playing the drums?"

I wish the dorks downstairs who play HALO every second of everyday, providing a never ending barrage of fake automatic-artillery and various grunting noises, would go to war. The real war. Where they'd have to man up. And then they'd get shot. But they wouldn't die. They'd lose a limb here and a limb there, but with technology so advanced these days, it might actually be an advantage for them because they would be part robot. But the technology for robotic hands is not yet so perfect as a human hand's fine motor skills so they would either have to give up playing video games and crush cans all day or learn to play with their tongues. But hopefully the game would just give them flashbacks to the trenches and they would just sit there in silence with the blinds drawn and crushed cans strewn about, thinking only of dark days to come. And then I might go down and swap war stories and ask if I could try out their bionic replacement parts. We might even become friends and I would help them out of their depression by providing numerous statistics about soldiers who commit suicide and how they would have wanted to live if they only had a friend. Like me. And I would take their robot hand and say,"Don't you be a statistic [insert name here]. DON'T YOU BE A STATISTIC - DO YOU HEAR ME!?" And I would crush the Xbox in dramatic culmination, beautiful in its simplicity. Then after we all got over the moment, I would ask, "How the hell did you guys have girlfriends before you went to war?" Which is the real question.


When you land, try and land like an 8 year old - these bouncy castles are not designed for adults.

Were we a little TOO excited when we heard that the truck with the jumping castle was out front?

I don't believe there is such a thing as "too excited" when it comes to jumping castles.

Were we a little TOO disappointed when we were told that, No, there was not going to be a jumping castle for the birthday party?

You tell me.

"I'm scared to death." "We all are, Jeff Daniels - but our brains secrete a neurotransmitter that enables us to deal with them."

Today I was told that spiders are not "Gross" (as I had just declared them to be upon encountering one outdoors) - they are "Good." Whatever. Tell that to any child who grew up in the 90s and saw Arachnophobia at the tender age of 6 and 1/2, and you will most assuredly witness a slight look of terror and convulsion as we have flashbacks to the many nights we laid suffocating in bed with the covers over our faces, knowing hundreds, millions, of arachnids were crawling on top of us, trying to find a way in. Everyone remembers that scene when the man and wife are eating a bowl of popcorn and then the spider EATS THEIR BRAINS. Good, my ass.

We are victims; spiders and parents who don't censor what films their children are watching are the villains.


Good News

Both Spiderwick Chronicles AND Nim's Island were pretty good.  Just in case you're into kiddish movies like some people we know who told us about those 2 movies.

"Did you puke last night?"
"Same... Well, we accomplished what we set out to do."


all it takes is faith and trust. and a few beers.

dear diary,

oh glorious day! it finally happened. i got to hug BAB's brother-in-law. i didn't even have to force him to by pretending to give a high-five then sneaking in for the embrace, which is how i've always imagined it going down. now that we are best friends, i think i'll finally have the courage to ask him what i've wanted to ask him from the very first day i met him: to join me on that greatest test of man's moral fiber, that 1,161 mile expedition where hypothermia and mental deterioration is the name of the game, that race - The Race - known simply as Iditarod. please, God, let him say yes. let me finally have the stouthearted dog sledding partner i've only ever known in my dreams.

bye for now,