4.30.2010

a good memory of Sicily on this Friday afternoon

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left brain, right brain

It is important to have a best friend because they will tell you, "You don't have to eat them," after you spill nerds on the carpet and are sad they are now covered in hair. They'll tell you that, but they won't judge you when you scoop up the hairy nerds and eat them.

4.29.2010

one small step

I'm glad I don't have to live in Europe because I will never grasp degrees in Celcius. My response to any weather update such as, "I bet it was -2 degrees today" went a little something like this: "Yeah, ON THE MOON. Big dummy." And then BAB would remind me under her breath that we weren't talking about Farenheit. And it all just kind of went over my head and I wished I was back in the states, where measurements don't make any kind of sense so you never have to look like a fool.

4.28.2010

on our way to Berlin

"What happens if the wing falls off?"
"Then we barrel-roll."

4.26.2010

Feliz cumpleanos!

It's our bloggy's birthday month, which means it's an Aries, quick tempered and passionate.

We'll take some cupcakes and a song.

Contains no actual cheeseburger.



"I think I like combos because they remind me of dog treats."

"Me too."

Seems Dangerous

While I was driving to work today and obviously not watching the road, I watched a helicopter flying under the power lines repeatedly.

Our Kindred Beer Spirits.

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"Let's not talk about your clothes. Let's talk about your hairs!"

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"It doesn't matter what position Ryan gets into, the shaft will work"



Dude, I can't watch the golf channel.
  



So, so much shaft and ball talk.

4.25.2010

a valid point indeed.


"I hope that I don't roll myself in a tractor. My dad has been real worried that I will. I'm not so worried, but then again, who is before they roll a tractor?"

i guess i'll always feel this way... love is strange


big changes are up and coming for these best of friends.
and i ain't gonna lie - it's a little hard to face.
but we'll deal. adventure awaits us.
but you'll need to excuse me for a minute;
i have to go blow my nose and watch a Shirley Temple.

and BAB, if they're mean to you, you call me. you hear me? and i will come smother their future with my past.

4.24.2010

"Shrimp gumbo, shrimp cocktail, shrimp scampi..."

"Who were we doing that to recently?"
"Some poor soul."

4.23.2010

Timmy Tebow Drafted

I don't know what everyone's so upset about.
Is he a babe?
Yes.
Does he have diabetes?
No.

Welcome to Colorado, good lookin'!!

Today's Lesson: How to make a box of storebrand mac'n'cheese feed 14 people

It has become my mission in life to prove the nutjob family on the corner isn't really homeschooling their 12 children like they pretend they are. If I remember correctly, when I was in school, I NEVER got to jump on a trampoline, and that's all they do. All the livelong day. Anytime I corner them on the street, I slyly ask them how school was today and their response is, "It was ok." Then I ask, "What did you learn about?" and then they say, "Oh... nothing all that interesting." and then I say, "HmmmMMMM." and I slowly back away into my hiding place in the bushes. I'm waiting for the day they say, "We learned how birth control is a sin and then we ate some paintchips." And then I'll say, "That sounds about right." Because the thing about having so many children is that they all just end up looking like eachother (everyone knows that the downfall of the cloning process is that that the specimen just gets worse with each reproduction. and many of us aren't all that great to begin with. sure we'd all want a clone, but do i want to hang out with a dumber, slightly more crosseyed version of myself? uh, no thanks.) until you can't really tell which set of kool-aid stained lips are which and they all have this eerie blank look that makes you think if you ever were to be walking in a cornfield and came face to face with any of those children, it wouldn't surprise you in the least.  It would just scare the shit out of you. By the axe of Gimli, I will do it. I will get them to admit that their "curriculum" focuses on how to efficiently break into small but strong platoons and use sanctioned militia tactics to defend their home in the event of the return of lord Zyborg and how to be quiet when mama watches her stories. I say I'll do it!! Or I'll be tazed by a member of the neighborhood watch in my attempts!

4.22.2010

It's earth day. So suck it, Neptune.







In her own small, ineffective way, BAB does her part to save the planet.

4.20.2010

"Hold it... hold it..."

Can you believe this guy never smoked weed?
Well, don't. Cause you know - you know - he did.

it is a sin to even PRETEND to be baked.



We like people to think we're pot-smoking hippies, but in truth, we're too cheap and we wouldn't know where to buy any.

4.19.2010

they are mah pee jays.

dear Bab's Mom,

i'm sorry i have never apologized for looking the way i've looked
on most of the occasions you've had to see me.
it must have been very hard for you.

regretfully yours,
julie

"Hiss, you deliberately dodged."

These guys are funny.

4.18.2010

"Which bottles should we choose?" We shouldn't be allowed to be doing this. "I know."

Don't leave us a note that says we have free range to your WINE CELLAR, with the exception of the far left shelves. Because we take advantage. Boy howdy. And then we come to when it's dark and the wolves are roaming. And we've forgotten to eat lunch or dinner.

4.15.2010

pride

"That was funny when Tourguide Brek apologized for putting the moves on you because he knows you're mah lady."
"But, remember how that Aussie girl was really weirded out at first before we told her we all were just joking about us being lesbos?"
"Yeah! Like, what if we were gay? It's not like we were being gross or annoying." 
"Yeah! We were just normal people. She'd have never even known we were lesbians if we hadn't told her."
"That bitch."

"Remember how everyone doubts our canoeing abilities?



They'll be sorry they ever laughed when we drown."







"Please just let her find one or two."

I know Easters already came and went, but.

When we were little, like I was 4 and LeeAnne was 11, we would dye 200 eggs because my grandparents owned a chicken farm.  And my parents would hide them all over the house.  And my sister would find every single egg and not give her smaller, slower, less intelligent sister a chance to even find the easy ones.  And this is why, to this day I don't understand how easter egg hunts work.

Good one, Mom.


"We're trying to do our taxes on time this year."
"Wha?!"
"Yeah I know.  We like to pretend we're too important to ever get them in on time."

4.14.2010

see silly

"I'm just a worldly and complex type of guy."
"Dude. You ate a tunafish sandwich for dinner last night."
"You can't be sophisticated every night, JULIE."

4.13.2010

when two ricky's make a wrong

Hey, thanks a lot, Parent Trap-starring-Lindsay-Lohan, for the worst snack invention of all time.

pants on fire.

Due to recent incidents involving people believing everything they see on this blog as a result of immacculate photoshop skills, I am pressed to resurrect an old photo that I have often worried no one ever took the time to examine.

Date: 5.21.08
Title: We Represent the Lollipop Guild


















Original photo:



We're liars. And we can make a mean dwarfie face. So sue us.

i didn't anticipate that he'd scare me a little


"Hey, look! It's Jesus! He's in the band!"
"It's the second coming."
"I didn't know he played the drums!"
"I didn't think he'd wear flannel. And, holy smokes! He's drinking PBR; Just. Like. Us."

4.12.2010

I scream.

It was only after BAB and I quit pounding on the kitchen table and chanting "We want ice cream! We want ice cream!" that we realized we weren't going to recieve it. Actually, we only truly realized after we then demanded, "Hey, where's our ice cream!?" and were told pointblank, "I'm not giving it to you if you ask that way." And suddenly we were 5 years old and shamefaced.
It was a much needed lesson. Thanks for nothing, Sesame Street.

4.11.2010

Well, we made an entire town panic, we lost all our friends, and now we're going to juvenile hall for a week. Was it worth it?

Totally.

"I’d like to get there before dark."

"Lock the doors."

"I can see it!"
"The flourescent lights are beckoning us onward!"

"Can this place please be our new Tuesday Nights at Old C's?"

"I snuck in some rum."

"It’s a dream box; you can put your dreams in there."

"What will they do with this place if it ever shuts down?"
"They’ll have to burn it to the ground."

"I love your blog. I read it every day."

"You’re getting a caricature of yourself?!"
"I’m moving to Oklahoma. I need something to hang on the wall."
"Make sure you get his beautiful eyes."

"Anyone need a glowing sword?"
"I don’t need one. But I want one."

"You’re breaking rule #1! Wait, rule #1's No Running. No Profanity is rule #2."

"We’ll walk him to his car. It’s safer in numbers."
"I hope nobody stole my hubcaps."

"Why’s Jay turning up Colfax?"
"He really is going to get a hooker."

"You guys are gayer than us. Julie's never kissed me goodbye on the cheek."
"It wasn't my cheek. It was my neck."

"I feel like I need to take a shower."

"I'm so happy right now. We're at Casa Bonita!"
Reunion 4.11.10 The Beautiful House

On this day JAN said to me: Brittany, you can't say anything offensive!

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Translate

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4.08.2010

Nuggets vs. Lakers TONOCHT!

Our favorite part of attending sporting events is getting to yell "Boooooo!" because we yell "Boooooobs!" and no one notices but us.  Then we laugh and laugh.

I guess my second favorite part is rooting for Taco Bell's "4 Tacos For A Dollar!" and having all the richy-rich people stare at us in astonishment, us just nodding along with them, and us all thinking the same thing: "These podunk lesbians shouldn't be on floor-level!"
We know, people, we know.

4.06.2010

Please, no.

I only fear 2 things:
#1: Falling on the cement and breaking my teeth.
#2: Looking back at all my pictures when I'm older and thinking my sunglasses are super duper ugly.  

don't cut off the tags!!

you know what dudes DO NOT think is funny?
when you joke about moving your beanie baby collection into their place of dwelling.
not even a chuckle or nothin. just a cold stare.

Passive aggressive

The racquetball court is the perfect place to release any pent up anger you may be holding against your best friend or significant other. It's physically exhaustive, and when you yell things, such as, "I'm going to kill you. For real," boy, you wouldn't believe how well it echos, reverberating your words of hate ten-fold until it rattles in the chest of your foe.

That's closure!

4.03.2010

Reason #775 Why she's my best friend

bab: "I'm a unicycle"
laughter by jan alone.
jan: "Did you guys hear that?! She said she's a unicycle."
everyone nods that they did hear.


thanks julie, for daring to laugh when others will not.

4.01.2010

you better believe i'm not telling them i thought spooning was just like forking someone's yard

Dude. People get really ornery and start physically scoffing when you tell them you used to think Van Morrison was black. So heads up, world. He's a cracker. And according to wikipedia, he has always been so.

I know the olympics are over, but I forgot about this and it's just too good to forget about forever












Announcer for women's giant slalom:
"When I talked to her, she was excited and felt great. She told me the conditions here are ideal for her; she likes it bumpy, hard, and fast."
TJ: "Coincidentally, that is what she said."

128 fluid ounces

It's never a good idea to ask how many ounces your giant beer holds, especially when you plan on drinking 4 of them. Anyone know why? Yes, that's right. Because after you've downed 4 of the 25 oz. beers, instead of just saying, "Oh, I only had 4," you now have to acknowledge "I drank an amount of beer totaling just shy of a gallon."

And that ain't very ladylike.