they're turning blue...

i'd like to revisit my pre-season projections for the nuggets, if i may, and add some comments because they are winning, i guess. nobody really cares ...

Currently, I rank the Nuggs as follows:

Nene: my favorite. Why? Because he’s the fattest on the team, weighing in at 250 pounds. You have to respect that.
Melo: like a little 6'8" baby. precious.
Camby: never heard of him, never want to.
JR: secret weapon of mass destruction
Chris Anderson: Babe.
AI: old weapon. his rows look better than melo’s. But armband shows a sign of weakness.
Kmart: should not affiliate himself with a poor-man’s walmart.
Kleiza: didn’t play for America, shouldn’t play IN America.

My ideas for this season...

Take a page from the Rockies’ playbook: do really really good this season. Make it to the final round. After this, never have to worry about doing good ever again because people have a general appreciation for 2nd place.

Enough with this “dribbling” crap. What a waste of time. Flying is the answer. Mark my words.

Also, I’d like to bring up the most under-appreciated of shots: Half court. Think of the time and energy this would save. We wouldn’t even need to play offense, so that takes care of half our problem. As for defense... maybe we could start laying down on the ground, creating a landmine of live bodies. Try scoring when you have Camby under you.

Carmelo’s rows should have secret play and/or obscenities braided into them.

Flubber. We all saw the movie.

What is it that Coach Karl is always sucking on? My guess is watermelon jolly rancher.

John Elway’s return to basketball will be the greatest gift in NBA history.

Ice cream social at half-time.

Instead of mouth guards, have those fake vampire teeth.

Team members should have to memorize at least three John Denver songs to prove loyalty to state.

Bring back the short shorts – less chaffing (if I’m understanding the issue correctly).

Unofficial mascot? Steve Hess.

Melo should be allowed to wear his Olympic gold medal during gametime. Not only for bragging rights and intimidation, but also simply because it looks pretty.

All games to be played shirts/skins. This rule should have been implemented long, long ago. Why I’m the first to write an official proposal is beyond me.

Throw gold nuggets into the crowd, but make sure the majority gets to the top seats because that’s where the drunk, poor guys sit (yours truly).

Pre-game tickle fights.

Most importantly, box out and get more hands into the cookie jar. [end]

UPDATE: I like to think the nugget's winning record is due to my suggestions. Also, it should be noted that melo shaved his rows and is even more precious. and AI is dead to us - welcome home, chauncy.

Remember sinbad? what a chump.


no one knows

Her wide range of dudes she has crushes on is what separates julie from the rest of humanity.  just take a stroll through this blog.  Bela Karoli to that kid in Bridge to Terabithia to Michael Flatley.  It's anyone's guess who she thinks is a babe.  i don't blame her about the Terabithia kid though.

For the Antioxidants

You know it's good when it gets that 3 chefs award and when it can last for months.  I also like how I'm allowed to drink it out of a wine glass or a plastic cup.


don't call him Trey

Recently, our fun level spiked drastically after a period of mediocrity as can be seen in the graph, nah: What caused this blessed change of events?
Just a man named Jay H. Hardy III.

Those eyes.
That hairline.
His love for those little cartons of milk.
Jesus. We're sorry we ever threatened to take his life and end it.

Well, Jay... The army may not want you and your kidney stones, but we sure do.


where's julie, brittany?

bad things happen when bab leaves me home alone. robbers come in the form of Denver Post solicitors and i get duped into paying $25 for 13 weeks of paper we'll never read and a book of coupons we'll now be forced to use so that it won't be the biggest waste of money i ever spent. what happens tomorrow when i get offered crack from the scary old man that lives below? god knows i can't protect myself.
i'm like brittany's very own Arnie... whelp, i'm off to climb the water tower.


please forgive this

remember how everyone is SO glad that jesse mccartney is older and has better songs so it's not so inappropriate to close your eyes when you think about him?

oh. just me then?




After exiting the building where the sign TOLD us we could, Julie and I found ourselves in a Shawshank type situation. Fences everywhere, doors with no handles, and giant dirt mounds dared us to escape. We followed our instincts and after we realized that we could not climb Mt. Dirt, we followed our second instincts. We mastered the not so tall wall, walked the sides of a cement ramp and jumped the fence. Sweet Freedom!



look, when we say we're good at racquetball, we don't mean "yeah, we can hit the ball."

what we mean to say is, "you know King Kong? it's like that... EXACTLY like that."

total domination, if you will.


skunked again

Julie's sister tends to lie and Julie's always taking the bait.  Like when Amy said the trunk was sitting outside under the canoe.  It worked again.  
I think it is noteworthy that JAN's family was once literally skunked.  Legend has it, her teacher walked around the classroom hunting for the stink until she got to Julie and then promptly quit the search.  I hope that lady learned a lesson in manners.

Racquetball is the only sport in which you can be looking straight at the ball and it hits you in the back of the head

All it takes is a swift hit of the ball and a quick dodge to make someone go into a laughing fit. Too bad it didn't make her pull a hammy resulting in a win or two on this side of the court.


a lesson in comedic timing

One time i made a joke about wishing i was at my grandfather's funeral. The joke was medium to good. A few monthes later the funeral came to pass, and the joke became borderline hilarious.

It's all about timing.

And having a grandfather who you were afraid of and who didn't let you play with his new puppy.

didn't all 9-year-old girls?

I used to think he was a babe. I did. so sue me.


what would batman do?

i got this goldfish keychain in my stocking that doubles as a high-intensity flashlight. i tricked bab into blinding herself with it once and i have gone on to blind her with it by my own hands. it's really funny. but mean. i won't do it any more. detached retinas aren't as funny as the trickery or tragic event that leads to it. plus, it's not very ladylike.


So Long Mike

What!?  Mike Shanahan fired!?  Sure, the Broncos really sucked it up the past few years.  But we never blamed the suck on Mike!  With his buggy eyes and calm cool collected attitude and ballsiness.  We just always blamed it on witchcraft or some other worldly power.  Well jeez, Mike, we hate to say goodbye.
Maybe they'll hire Mike Ditka next.