Why would anyone eat anything other than breakfast food?

from me to you: don't wear your pj's to the buffet breakfast in Berlin.  the dress code is business casual.  and don't sit at the table with no dishes because that means the table is "not yet ready for your grubby american mitts" and don't use double negatives

mr. good-lookin blondie should just be glad he didn't catch us making our brie sandwich lunches. 
rule followers.


shout out to my peeps

I'd like to give a shout out to BAB's parents. For always feeding me, for letting me dye my hair in your house, and for that time you came to my college graduation and afterwards explained, "We couldn't cry harder than your mom, so we held it back a little." Sorry I made that joke as I was leaving on Sunday about BAB taking me "all the way." Saying ttfn to you is always hard for me to cope with.
SHOUT OUT, Rick and Toni!

Thank you, weirdo checkout guy at Target

for looking at a pair of children's Mario-themed peejays and saying with all seriousness, "These are nice."

yeah, they are. when you're still wetting the bed and you like how the cheap polyester doesn't absorb much urine.

she gets me

"It was effing hot at work today. like 35C hot, and i tell you Celsius not because you understand it but because that's all our thermometers are in. think of it like this, the human bod is 37C. so basically what i'm saying is i wasn't in the mood to drink my hot tea this morning."


She can't help herself.

Bridal shower game question #6: What was Amy and Jeff's combined birth weight?

JAN: "Before or after they removed the extra head on Amy's back?"

Note: there are no appropriate pictures for this one.

You can sit in the back row alone.

That sea dragon ride scares the shit out of me every time.  

Remember our version of Tour de Fat: drive to DQ and eat a peanut buster parfait.

Julie's first words

after Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
"How OLD is McGonagall?"

That lady has been old since Hook in 1991.

A Bear Burrito


One time at JFK airport, BAB was thirsty. As she drank from the waterfountain, I closely watched her back from a savvy distance so as to be able to protect that which I love most, should anyone try anything cunning. It was at this time that an elusive fellow looked from me, who stood alert in my batman hoodie, to BAB, who drank with great fervor, and asked, "Is she Robin?"

Dude. We're both Batman.


Remember Chumbawamba?


risky business

The risk is that there's a good chance you'll be bored to death.


spirit of a war hero

Brittany says that when I wear my bomber jacket, I drive "with attitude" and "reckless abandonment." Uh, yeah. I should hope so. My grandpa John, who shot down planes in the Philippines during WWII, didn't only teach me to love the taste of beer.

we'll FF through this one

"They're making a movie about Nazis that fled to space and built a colony but are coming back to earth! I'm so excited."
"And the TWIST will be that they're Jewish."

I'll put it on my resume.

Turns out a nose whistle, when living in the mountains, sounds exactly like coyotes howling in the distant night. Beautiful.

Sort of.

She did it. She actually friggin did it.

BAB is busting balls. LITERALLY. It's all a semi-amateur-pro racquetball player ever truly dreams of. Well, that, and getting a black eye.

Let's take a picture of ourselves. It'll be so rad.

Brittany The Ventriloquist.


And I like JAN because

she updates me on her crafting.


Hungarians are strong people.

try, try again.

Step out of the box, Cody. Cody! Step OUT of the box.

Seems to me, once little dudes can remember to step out of the goddam box, they're headed for the big leagues.


I like BAB because she says things like this:

"It's weird dragons aren't real."
"... Is it?"



sometimes when i listen to "we will rock you," i get goosebumps.

but then again, i also get goosebumps thinking about taking a nap with a residual ring of chocolate milk around my lips. so it doesn't mean much, i suppose.


This needs to be cleared up

Leonardo: Sports the blue bandana.  Kills with two ninjaken, aka swords, and is the alpha male.
Michelangelo: Orange like half a tiger.  Weapon of choice, nunchaku.  Radical free-spirit.
Donatello: Wears the ever classy purple and rocks the  staff.  Sciency nerd.
Raphael: Red bandana clearly depicts his bad-boy image.  Strikes with the sai. 
Study up, because we're not going over this again.

julie vs. wild

I've been living in the wilderness for almost a week.
Believe it or not, growing the beard was the easiest part.
i miss my best friend, though. she's really good at cleaning carcass.


Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Thanks for forgetting to take the pill that fateful day.


Those aren't beers, they're iced teas

"What are those kids doing in a bar?"
"They haven't even graduated from D.A.R.E."
"ohhh, so they don't know about huffing."


Burnt Hair.

Lit candles.  When smelled too close are all the same scent.

wiener meets bun

Bab's favorite part about the drive-in.
Or so I assume from all the giggling.

dear jan,

good luck in the mountains.  don't get lost in the woods.  i'll pray against the bears every night.

hate you but also love you dearly,



They need to make some sort of machine that separates the water from the oil.

That or get a bunch of birds and otters to clean it up with their feathers and fur.

supportive hecklers

"I hope you packed your bags! Because you just took a long... travel...? I still have to work on that one."
"It has such potential."


movin' on up!

Congratulations on the new house, palsie.

till we meet again,
i remain your JAN

ps. If you don't mind, I'll still hold on to my dream of us sharing a bunkbed someday.