Gym Class

"Teacher, my feet are sweaty!"
"Well kid, that's the title of my autobiography. Keep running."


Fairfield, Iowa

"Hey TJ, BAB and I are moving to Fairfield, Iowa."
"Because that place is all about meditation! The whole town does it twice a day. Just look at the meditation temple! They get these little beds... MMM... with pillows!... MMM... So peaceful..."
"Napping isn't meditating."

We are so transparent.

Only one more day of subbing left!

Maybe, then, I'll begin to see hilarity in the world again.

"I have but one claw, but beware!"

Good news:

Kids still think Batty is funny!


Baby Birds / Dinosaurs.

3 currently remain.  My mom nearly sawed them to bits, her guilt is limitless.



A few weeks ago, when buying a mother's day cactus, we came across a one legged man who bragged all up and down to TJ about his own beautiful yard. After first insulting the purchases we were making (how was i supposed to know my mom wouldn't use gloves and get an infection from one of the spines?), he then made TJ smell his flower and so boldly extended the offer for TJ to come "work" in his "yard," any time.
Gayest pirate I've ever met.
He wanted TJ to shiver his timbers,
if you know what I'm sayin'.

Tight pants.

It's only Tuesday. Get your tight pants on, Kimosabe.


Last piece of Christmas, gone.

"Four is the perfect amount of people for making sushi."

If there's more people, the bulk of the group leaves the dedicated few to roll-it-out and then have the gall to claim, "We made some good sushi."

Emails in which Robyn gets insulted and then insults me, perhaps without even noticing.

Sorry it's blurry, but if I make it larger you can only see half the screen which renders the shot ineffective.  

When Julie steals your camera, she takes a picture of



Banana strings make me gag

Even just looking at them.

Or typing about them.



Get to see my best friend tonight! $.50 tacos and enchilladas and tostadas!! It will be my third time there this week, second time today! And I've got a surprise for her. Hint: The Red Balloon.

71 days 13 minutes

Until the SUMMER OLYMPICS! Oh baby! Will Kerry Walsh and Misty May return with baby bjorn's? Will Usain truly be less cocky and break his own record? Will Michael Phelps' pants finally slip that last cm? Will the definition for a "woman" be more clearly specified (we're looking at you, softball)? Who will have the heartwrenching story that will make us root for them? Will China cheat? Just kidding; of course they will. It's all so exciting, I can hardly wait. I've charted my excitement level for each sport, nyah:
 As you can clearly see, I am most excited for swimming: 10 Bob Costas' and a Jesse Owen. But, I also love gymnastics, rowing, beach volleyball, and running. I might give weightlifting a higher score, but that will come when we get closer to the opening ceremony. And of course, my position on "Equestrian as an olympic sport" remains the same - it's not a sport because the HORSE is the real olympian. Give that horse the medal. I hope Brittany lets us watch opening ceremonies with her this year and that she doesn't hate us by the end of it! TJ knows, now, how much it means to us and he'll behave accordingly. Yay for the world!


Nap buster

One day during my lunch break/planning hour, I decided to go "read" (take a nap) in my car. I drove around till I found shade, then passed out in a bundle of blankets. An hour later, I woke up to a stern "Hello." and this:
He was understanding, but also, I felt, a little judgemental. I guess I was in permit parking only. All I saw was succulent shade. Subbing makes me tired, man!
Asshole neighborhood watch.


was this dude's birthday. The world is a better place with him in it. My world, especially.


The world makes sense when she explains it.

"If you have to hear them having sex, then they should be paying rent."

- sound advice from B.A.B.

Yogurt Covered Pretzels

They're awesome because even though they aren't good for you, their name lets you keep on pretending they are.


JA Jags

I'm at Bab and TJ's old stomping grounds, subbing for the ol' bball coach/social studies teacher. I appreciate that the stalls are not graffiti-proof. I also appreciate that they have a librarian who could have been Ms. America once upon a time. What I don't appreciate is the booby-trapped baby head that fell on me and bruised my collarbone when I pulled the screen down.
Death to tyrants!

I keep forgetting that JAN's seen Cold Mountain

So whenever I describe parts of the book that I like or hate, I always give a long back story to get her all caught up.   Then she has to reply "I think Renee Zellweger plays Ruby in the movie," to remind me that she knows the story (duh).

Sorry pal!  

Classic substitute Lesson today

: Show great white shark National Geographic VHS

And, it's pretty awesome because it has the kids disgusted and frightened. And I've learned a few highly valuable lessons about the great white's habits.

1) It likes to feed near the water's surface, so if you play dead on the bottom of the ocean, it might not try to eat you.

2) If it does latch on to you with a strong bite, it may just be trying to mate with you because, apparently, that's kind of their thing. Kinky!
He just thinks you're pretty, Ariel!



Remember him? The little boy who is a wilderness explorer and travels by house to South America to save the bird named Kevin? And, ultimately, wins the heart of a cranky old man? He's even cuter in real life.


Words of a retiring spanish teacher.

I'll miss crop-dusting the children.

- r.k.


Thanks, MangoRED Photography

Oooh lalalalalala.
Who knew boogie boarders didn't have to be
chubby 12 year olds?


Great food at a great price? Ehh...

We're glad Phil has finally agreed to read Harry Potter so that we don't have to continue holding that grudge. And now we can't wait to go to Casa Bonita with him because he's one of the few people who understands the true glory of that beautiful place.
"You go to Casa Bonita because 
it's hilarious and ironic."