Witches brew

It does make me a little sad when dry ice doesn't make me giddy anymore.

I made sure to swirl the smoke around at lease a little.

nobody beats the kaisers prices

I love myself today for buying the $.50 ice cream cone and for wearing the neon leggings.

Boy cousins

BLB: "I like being a man, being bigger, faster, stronger."

BAB: "I like being a woman.  It's nice being smarter."

mother-in-law

My soon to be motherinlaw got me this little bowl so I wouldn't steal hers. She knows me so well! And those chia seeds? She was eating those before they were cool, you poindexter. I can't wait for the day when my kids ask, "Mommy, is grandma your little sister?" "No child, we've been through this before. Her flawless tan asian skin means she will forever look like the summertime highschool lifeguard that makes all the boys hope today is the day their mom takes her hawkeyes off of them long enough for them to swim to the deep end to drown, just a little bit, and get some of that sweet sweet CPR."

Lobster bisque. Sorry the smiley faces got a little weird

Thanksgiving circa 2011

"Can you believe how many Canadians were at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade?!  How do you suspect we got them to come celebrate our holiday?"

"Maybe they lured them in with maple syrup."

Fatal Attractions. It scared the shiz out of everyone in America.

I support gun ownership when your babies are a combo of humans and lions.  Why?  Because inevitably, you're going to have to kill one of them. 

It's just that baby lions are so cute!

in the ghetto

The best thing about living on the edge of the highlands (the cheapside) is that the local grocery store caters to the crowd. Which means, a tortilla aisle! A whole aisle dedicated to their flat floured goodness. I got no complaints, ese.

10,000 spoons

Biodegradable Yogurtland spoons: the only spoon I don't throw away.

read with a dictionary.

I understand the very basic level of Bab's thesis because she explained it to me as she would a 5 yr old. And when I couldn't understand that, she drew me this picture:

Now I understand! - the potato loves the bacteria, but how do you get the bacteria to love the potato back? It's a tale as old as time.

I live in the coolest city.  

There's art on public walls and you get robbed by kids who take the bud light lime from the fridge.

master beats rock

"We got in a fight about where to put the milk. He said door and I said the shelf. Then I was pissed for a while! Then I compromised and put it on the door, second shelf. It was all very stupid."
"Well I learned in my food science class that stuff on the fridge door doesn't keep as cold, so if you want to bring up the fight again you can use that fact."

[10 minutes later]
"Did you see where the milk is? But know this - Bab says stuff on the door doesn't stay as cold so it doesn't stay as fresh. It's true science. She took a class! AND she has a master's degree."

I know where i'll be going for marriage advice come August.

second base

Bab has recently started eating the entire apple - core & all (no seeds) because she "likes an obtainable personal challenge." While I'm intrigued, I fear this is as far as I'm ever gonna go with an apple.

More stories from America's wang

Our first souvenirs.  Theme-parking is hard.

Platform 9.75

Yes. It happened.

We got our acceptance letters... 

we both agreed it won't be the END of the world if we lose it, but we're allowed to be really sad

Believe it or not, Bab & I spent 10 minutes digging through every single Bart keychain to find the best two. Bab not only understands my compulsion for visual perfection, she supports it! And thus, best friends with matching awesome keychains.

When the would-be stabbEE becomes the stabbER

"I said mace would be good, but I decided on a knife.  It's more threatening looking.  Especially when I say, 'I double dare ya!'"

                       - J.A.N. on her jogging weapon of choice

Better than groceries

Tonight I walked down Spring Creek Trail to the liquor store and got some classy white wine.  

Are my kickball skills not good enough?

This summer my roommate/cousin and I rock on a pretty sucky kickball team, but he failed to tell me about the softball league he joined with his work.

Remember to wipe your shirt

The bottom of honey roasted peanuts is most delicious.

Chiefly honey roasted and less peanut.

Bachelorette Party!

Dare I say JAN had the best time ever? I DO!

We started with Disneyworld, where it got real, and moved around FL from there.  People seemed very impressed by our matching shirts, which turned the rest of our clothes hot pink.

we took turns wearing the fanny each day - a la Jay Hardy

(she's so cute)

How many treasures can one cavern hold?

Rubberband ball and used staple collection. Anything to get me to 5 o'clock.

BAB's first words after waking from 2yr grad school coma

"Has man walked on the moon?"

Graduation Gifts

Robyn bought me a bottle opener, I bought me a beer!

School's. Out. For. Summer!  School's. Out. ForEVER!

Spud Master

She did it! Defended the shit out of her thesis! Now i am obliged to call her Sensei Potato and feed her only the crispy fries, as clearly outlined in the jungle law. I' m so glad we can quit stressing and start livin'.

So awesome, palsie!

Corbin loves Ninja Turtles as much as we do!

Maybe even more, being that he knows all their names without having to think a while.

European disgrace

I don't know what the average for accident-caused-by-random-roundabout is in the US, but it's gotta be at least 100 per day. Put an old lady in the mix and you increase that 20%.

Come on, people! It's not that hard - You just close your eyes, keep a steady pace, and lean in to the turn!

sweet nothings

"You look so much cuter when you

haven't been traveling for 12 hours."

- the man who makes me weak in the knees

 

got a C- in my government class

I support the right for bears to have arms!

 

 

text friends

I didn't go for a jog or a brisk walk.

Well I ate a whopper jr.  :(

W Line

Pretty much how I looked the whole time riding the lightrail for the first time by myself. And as a member of the local sheriff's office, I knew it was my duty to tell that kid to take his goddam muddy combat boots off these newly upholstered seats - there are signs everywhere, yo - but, like hell I'm talking to any of those street rats.

P

I was hoping somebody at work would asks what's in the jar so I could be like, "Oh, this? Just my little jar of urine." But, secretly I'm so glad nobody asked.

Lesson of the day. Saturday.

Stop at 1

Gibbler, always good for a laugh.

I couldn't tell you the last time I fell asleep on the couch watching Full House. Oh wait, yes I can - last night shortly before 8pm.

aka dried plums

"The hardest part about eating prunes at work is not letting people see you're eating prunes."

                  - JAN

Sharing a bed

"Ones hard - but two's impossible."
"THAT's what she said."
"I can't believe you just said that to your mom."

Some may say that I deserved it.

After a total of 1.5 snow days this week, my car wouldn't move on the sheet of ice that was the street this morning.  So I put on my walkin' boots and trekked to work.

This picture was taken mid-slipping-on-the-ice

this is a would-be sidewalk 

i walked so much, that i've had the toots all night

Where's spring, man?

The worst is wiping snow off your car directly into your boots.

Life as I know it.

One day we were hiking to the left of that plateau, and I slipped and fell right in front of a tiny Asian family.

One day, I will write an autobiography, and that moment will probably be Ch. 11 - Eggroll.

Mittens

"Jon Stewart was ragging on him because he said he plays in the "open space areas" with his grandkids. Couldn't say "parks" like a normal human being."
"Well, he would have said "country club," but he was strongly advised not to."

Scerrrd

Is how I felt when a letter from the IRS showed up.  

turns out they had just gotten the amendment i sent in, whew!

The Great Set-Up

My co-worker so sweetly bought some Reese's Eggs for me for Easter.  She's on a diet, so she stayed out of the mayhem.

On Tuesday she said, "You didn't eat as many Reese's as you did yesterday!" 

Friday I was told, "You did a really good job of making those last until the end of the week."

The next week our boss was victim, "I knew Dan liked Reese's but I didn't know he liked them that much.  He ate quite a few!"  

the cause of all my delicious pain

We all have a hero in our hearts

Don't mess with BAB in the arcade. She is really really good at those games. Her PacMan skillz were mad crazy, y'all. Nobody wanted to follow her high scores (and when I did and couldn't get gd Pacman down to the dots, she yelled at me "Turn that corner, dammit!") Me? I sucked. I wasn't even good at putting in the quarters. I was genuinely surprised at how b.a. BAB was and asked her to explain herself. "I spent a lot of time at the arcade with my mom when I was little." Oh you did, did you? And did you also suffer some terrible trauma or disaster that must be avenged? It's like she's been some secret superhero all this time. If you have to battle pixelated aliens, you want her on your team. When I told my mom she should have taken me to the arcade once in a while because I'm an embarrassment to the name of  Centipede, she just looked at me and said, "I'm sooooo sorry." Whatever, mom.

TJ did get high score on Qbert,

but that's only because nobody plays that game.

The rewards of Easter Sunday at Red Rocks

Cinnamon rolls when you get home, seeing doves fly in formation, the respect of one John N.

Beanbag tossing

"I had to explain to him what Cornhole was. He thought it sounded like something dirty!"
"Well, he's from Nebraska. That's what they call it over there."

Floating Heads

Reason #4992 why JAN is my bffl:
She let me get two kinds of beer for my birthday celebration.

Lochte Ness Monster

"I'd like him to keep his mouth shut

and his clothes off."

                             - BAB